71 days

[Sebuet]

That's how many days til the bus arrives. Feels weird to be able to say that there's that little time left. Nonetheless it still feels like eternity. But its also kind of liberating to have a date when things are done. All this bs will finally end. No more feelings. No more missing out. I do nothing except stare at screens, masturbate, self harm and take way too many pills nowadays. I know I could change things if I wanted. But I don't want to. Isolation is a disease that rots the brain.

Don't know if I'm being dramatic or something, just some thoughts and nobody else to share them with.

Do you have a set date?

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not have a set date, I feel like if I tried to set one then the survival instinct would get in the way and I would not be able to go through with it. I will probably leave this world when I reach the point of complete desperation and hopelessness. If this is your decision, then I wish you peace.

 

[Sebuet]

I do not have a set date, I feel like if I tried to set one then the survival instinct would get in the way and I would not be able to go through with it. I will probably leave this world when I reach the point of complete desperation and hopelessness. If this is your decision, then I wish you peace.

I look at it as an experience of letting go. SI really is a bitch, but overcoming it is part of the process of letting go. Everyone faces death at some point, everyone must come to accept it. Only difference with me is, I know exactly when it comes. I feel that's kind of a positive, being able to mentally prepare.

And to be totally honest, there's a part of me that still hopes for a miracle in those 71 days. If it comes, great, if not, equally great. Either way, hopelessness and isolation will come to an end. And thank you for wishing me peace, I don't know if anyone ever did that for me. I really appreciate it and wish you the same kind of peace you wish on me.

 

[leaf4]

I dont have a set date, mostly because I dont have decided on a method yet. I feel like there are "windows" for me where ctbing would be fit. I often felt like I missed a perfect opportunity to ctb, like before an annoying appointment or when I had a deadline for something. So for me I guess it's getting ready and then wait for the right moment.


Do you have a bucket list of things you want to do in those 71 days?

 

[Sebuet]

I dont have a set date, mostly because I dont have decided on a method yet. I feel like there are "windows" for me where ctbing would be fit. I often felt like I missed a perfect opportunity to ctb, like before an annoying appointment or when I had a deadline for something. So for me I guess it's getting ready and then wait for the right moment.


Do you have a bucket list of things you want to do in those 71 days?

My "window" is my birthday. I like the symbolism of it. And ofc the fact that I can't imagine how shitty this year's birthday will be.

Bucket list? There's a lot of things I'd liked to have done, but as said before, I'm letting go of all of it. Plus I'm a really isolated NEET/manchild so going out and doing stuff on my own really isn't who I am. Maybe I'll take a big walk around all the places where good memories are

 

[leaf4]

I love the idea of taking a long walk at night before ctbing, seeing the world lay in darkness and silence before I perish, but sadly it's not safe to do that in my neighboorhod.

 

[Sebuet]

I love the idea of taking a long walk at night before ctbing, seeing the world lay in darkness and silence before I perish, but sadly it's not safe to do that in my neighboorhod.

You're gonna ctb anyway, what's the worst that could happen to you?

 

[leaf4]

You're gonna ctb anyway, what's the worst that could happen to you?

Well I want to go on my own terms at home instead of getting stabbed in a dark alley and, god beware, be safed before I bleed to death.

 

[Sebuet]

Well I want to go on my own terms at home instead of getting stabbed in a dark alley and, god beware, be safed before I bleed to death.

Fair enough. Although you could use nightwalks as a way to get over SI, lol.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

71 days sounds great!! So some time in November. Maybe something nice will happen to you before the day comes. I'm working on setting a date….

 

[ClownMe]

I've always planned to do it on New Year's Eve, the same year as my dog passes away, whenever that may be.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I don't have a date in mind. But when the time comes, I'll know it.

I feel immense relief since joining SS because now I can do something about it when the time does come.

 

[Sebuet]

I've always planned to do it on New Year's Eve, the same year as my dog passes away, whenever that may be.

A man and his dog... Bless you

 

[NeverSatisfied]

SI really is a bitch, but overcoming it is part of the process of letting go.

Whoa. I've never looked at it this way. Thank you, that kinda just made sense of some things in my head.

 

[meetapple]

I don't have a date set because I am not sure of the particulars like where I should do it.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm trying to tidy my stuff before CTB. I wish I could just do it. Just trying not to inconvenience anyone.