Hi. I promised on my ctb thread that I would make an update. (link) Would like to thank CathyAmes for the suggestion.
March 2022 - 1 month before attempt
Already heavily suicidal. Depressive days and nights appear every now and then. Caught the depression from 2 years of unemployment.
Mid-march: I got promoted to a very busy team lead position.
April 2022 - Month of attempt
The hours and the responsibilities tipped me over. I'm already suicidal, I shouldn't be wasting my time with heavy responsibilities. I took a leave on Monday so I can kill myself on a 3-day weekend.
A friend told me about a company with an easy application. Applied and got accepted, didn't have to go through job hunting hell.
It's pure fucking luck, honestly. I think it was an attempt from the world to keep me alive.
Mid-may: I finally left my home at 23. I moved into a friend's spare bedroom. My home situation is what made me suicidal, and I can't speak out against my parents while I lived under their roof. I left my home on a very short notice so my parents couldn't question my decisions. (I'm in an asian country)
It made my mother cry, she rarely does. My family supported my decision anyway.
June 2022: 2 months after attempt.
Had to learn a lot of basic adulting, but I enjoyed it. I'm finally free.
July 2022 - September 2022 || 3 to 5 months after attempt
I met a lot of cool people, made many great memories. Now, I have a much longer list of people to send homemade Lasagna to on Christmas.
It's good to live a life for myself for the very first time.
Oct 2022 - 6 months after attempt
Moved to a new place. We found a great listing on pure luck. Another attempt from the world to keep me alive (I think)
I wish I could have stayed longer in my friend's home, but I couldn't because of legal matters. Her family really liked me and even helped me move. I can't wait to visit them during the holidays.
I live alone in my new place. It's a bit lonely but I have a lot of free time now. I spend a lot of time working on my art hobbies.
November 2022 - 7 months after attempt
Year 3 of depression, 7 months since the last attempt. I'm very happy.
I have everything I ever wanted in life: a place of my own, a job with great work-life balance, and plenty of time for my hobbies. Right now, I'm just looking for new things to try.
Current situation:
Still suicidal, but it's in the back of my mind now. It's what keeps me free as a last resort.
I know the game is rigged. No matter how much I save up, all it takes is an emergency or two to kill my savings. The moment I get a financial emergency, I'm catching the bus.
I don't know how long I have left so I haven't made any long-term investments. But until then, I'm spoiling my friends and family with gifts. I'm taking as much leave as I can. I take any opportunity to spend time with friends.
Thank you, SS. I've been living a much happier life knowing I can't be trapped by society's bullshit anymore.
I'm not gonna say shit like "it always gets better" because this is all luck. But if anyone is suicidal for similar reasons(family and employment problems): This is what life can be if the cards go right.
March 2022 - 1 month before attempt
Already heavily suicidal. Depressive days and nights appear every now and then. Caught the depression from 2 years of unemployment.
Mid-march: I got promoted to a very busy team lead position.
April 2022 - Month of attempt
The hours and the responsibilities tipped me over. I'm already suicidal, I shouldn't be wasting my time with heavy responsibilities. I took a leave on Monday so I can kill myself on a 3-day weekend.
- Sunday night: Did the Stat Dose. Held the mug with the SN mix for 30 minutes. SI was strong so I figured I wasn't desperate enough for this. I went to sleep.
- Monday morning: The breakfast tasted better because of the SN fast and last night's events.
- Tuesday morning: I put in my two weeks notice. I stared at death for 30 minutes, I can fucking do anything
A friend told me about a company with an easy application. Applied and got accepted, didn't have to go through job hunting hell.
It's pure fucking luck, honestly. I think it was an attempt from the world to keep me alive.
Mid-may: I finally left my home at 23. I moved into a friend's spare bedroom. My home situation is what made me suicidal, and I can't speak out against my parents while I lived under their roof. I left my home on a very short notice so my parents couldn't question my decisions. (I'm in an asian country)
It made my mother cry, she rarely does. My family supported my decision anyway.
June 2022: 2 months after attempt.
Had to learn a lot of basic adulting, but I enjoyed it. I'm finally free.
July 2022 - September 2022 || 3 to 5 months after attempt
I met a lot of cool people, made many great memories. Now, I have a much longer list of people to send homemade Lasagna to on Christmas.
It's good to live a life for myself for the very first time.
Oct 2022 - 6 months after attempt
Moved to a new place. We found a great listing on pure luck. Another attempt from the world to keep me alive (I think)
I wish I could have stayed longer in my friend's home, but I couldn't because of legal matters. Her family really liked me and even helped me move. I can't wait to visit them during the holidays.
I live alone in my new place. It's a bit lonely but I have a lot of free time now. I spend a lot of time working on my art hobbies.
November 2022 - 7 months after attempt
Year 3 of depression, 7 months since the last attempt. I'm very happy.
I have everything I ever wanted in life: a place of my own, a job with great work-life balance, and plenty of time for my hobbies. Right now, I'm just looking for new things to try.
Current situation:
Still suicidal, but it's in the back of my mind now. It's what keeps me free as a last resort.
I know the game is rigged. No matter how much I save up, all it takes is an emergency or two to kill my savings. The moment I get a financial emergency, I'm catching the bus.
I don't know how long I have left so I haven't made any long-term investments. But until then, I'm spoiling my friends and family with gifts. I'm taking as much leave as I can. I take any opportunity to spend time with friends.
Thank you, SS. I've been living a much happier life knowing I can't be trapped by society's bullshit anymore.
I'm not gonna say shit like "it always gets better" because this is all luck. But if anyone is suicidal for similar reasons(family and employment problems): This is what life can be if the cards go right.
I hope nothing rocks the boat for you. My savings are also really limited, because I'm on benefits I'm technically not allowed to save more than about 5k which I'm at right now. It doesn't leave much for manoeuvring. Just one private medical bill and it's gone. Old age is going to suck
