6th anniversary

[Rounded Agony]

Today marks six years since the passing of my best friend from suicide. The worst pain I had known at that point and the beginning of my own descent into what I am gradually more certain will be the same end. In prior years there would be honourings of his memory with other close to me who also knew him, but those people have all shown their true colours and I expect that for a second year in a row, I will be alone in observing this occasion.

At least I can write about it here, and possibly have an/other/s send a thought out into the universe. Wishing well upon all beings.

 

[FuneralCry]

Rest in peace. At least all those who have left this world cannot suffer anymore.

 

[Hollowillow]

I'm sorry for your loss... And it must hurt to go mourn alone. But if they went 4 years in a row, they cared. There are other ways to remember a memory, maybe they had oblugations from work, family... And honore in their hearts.

My friends refused to celebrate my birthday. I envy that you had a good friend. I'm sure he wishes you to walk forward, towards new friends, new opportunities, to slowly heal the wound step by step... Into a scar to be proud of, not a bleeding wound that will kill you... Move forward taking his memory with you. I wouldn't want to anchor you if I was him. I'm not saying to feel different. Just to try to give friendship a chance again before you die? Grief is lonely. You can celebrate him by doing fun things that you did together. Watch a movie, walk in nature, play games... Something to warm your heart, to remember the goof before the loss... So you can remember mire than grief... And reach for fun again, friendship again, life again...

I am pro death... But I think you deserve to live a little before you go. I hope that you'll heal a little... Let go a little...

My birth was never wanted, I was never loved... I don't think I ever had a real friend who wanted to see me. I had to beg.

You had a friend... You were loved... You can be again...

I'm not blaming you if you can't bear grief... I'm not happy to be alive... I feel so much grief & physical pain.

But I wish you to have more friendships before you go. Instead to stay behind alone, take his memory with you... Explore the world?

I really suck at comforting people, but if I was the ghost of your friend... I would wish you to remember me with a nostalgic smile, that my fruendship gave you the confidence to meet people and that you can make a friend, because you did... I wouldn't want my memory to make you cry & kill you. It'd break my heart.

I'd want you to enjoy old & new things. Being grateful that we shared a path of life, and since life is fragile... It makes those moments precious.

I'd be moved to be so loved. But would wish you to find it again.

I'd only want you to ctb for your own reasons and insatisfactions with society... Not because leaving you hurt you beyond repair... I would be... Profoundly sorry.

 

[makethepainstop]

Today marks six years since the passing of my best friend from suicide. The worst pain I had known at that point and the beginning of my own descent into what I am gradually more certain will be the same end. In prior years there would be honourings of his memory with other close to me who also knew him, but those people have all shown their true colours and I expect that for a second year in a row, I will be alone in observing this occasion.

At least I can write about it here, and possibly have an/other/s send a thought out into the universe. Wishing well upon all beings.

He would have never wanted you to feel pain. He was a friend afterall. Do remember him keep his memory with you always, not just the memory of his death. He was in pain and desired the pain to stop, above all else. You were a very good friend to him, perhaps you could be an awesome friend for someone else. Much love and a really strong hug for you.

 

[Rounded Agony]

Rest in peace. At least all those who have left this world cannot suffer anymore.

I'm sorry for your loss... And it must hurt to go mourn alone. But if they went 4 years in a row, they cared. There are other ways to remember a memory, maybe they had oblugations from work, family... And honore in their hearts.

My friends refused to celebrate my birthday. I envy that you had a good friend. I'm sure he wishes you to walk forward, towards new friends, new opportunities, to slowly heal the wound step by step... Into a scar to be proud of, not a bleeding wound that will kill you... Move forward taking his memory with you. I wouldn't want to anchor you if I was him. I'm not saying to feel different. Just to try to give friendship a chance again before you die? Grief is lonely. You can celebrate him by doing fun things that you did together. Watch a movie, walk in nature, play games... Something to warm your heart, to remember the goof before the loss... So you can remember mire than grief... And reach for fun again, friendship again, life again...

I am pro death... But I think you deserve to live a little before you go. I hope that you'll heal a little... Let go a little...

My birth was never wanted, I was never loved... I don't think I ever had a real friend who wanted to see me. I had to beg.

You had a friend... You were loved... You can be again...

I'm not blaming you if you can't bear grief... I'm not happy to be alive... I feel so much grief & physical pain.

But I wish you to have more friendships before you go. Instead to stay behind alone, take his memory with you... Explore the world?

I really suck at comforting people, but if I was the ghost of your friend... I would wish you to remember me with a nostalgic smile, that my fruendship gave you the confidence to meet people and that you can make a friend, because you did... I wouldn't want my memory to make you cry & kill you. It'd break my heart.

I'd want you to enjoy old & new things. Being grateful that we shared a path of life, and since life is fragile... It makes those moments precious.

I'd be moved to be so loved. But would wish you to find it again.

I'd only want you to ctb for your own reasons and insatisfactions with society... Not because leaving you hurt you beyond repair... I would be... Profoundly sorry.

He would have never wanted you to feel pain. He was a friend afterall. Do remember him keep his memory with you always, not just the memory of his death. He was in pain and desired the pain to stop, above all else. You were a very good friend to him, perhaps you could be an awesome friend for someone else. Much love and a really strong hug for you.

Thank you all. When I said it was the beginning of my own fall, I just meant it was the first of many, many injuries to come - I have indeed given my best shot at living, and lived quite a bit in the years immediately after. But time and time again, things just go wrong - the same ones and new ones. I have become tired. My well of vitality has been drained. As I read here for the first time, the juice no longer feels worth the squeeze.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

But if they went 4 years in a row, they cared.

This. People eventually move on. They need to. As @hollowillow said, they may think about them and honor them in their hearts.

 

[Rounded Agony]

This. People eventually move on. They need to. As @hollowillow said, they may think about them and honor them in their hearts.

I oversimplified. These other people were very close friends as well who have betrayed or all but abandoned me recently. Funny, I've written about all of these things in different places around so I always have a glitch moment when people get the context wrong...then I remember not everyone knows the whole story.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I oversimplified. These other people were very close friends as well who have betrayed or all but abandoned me recently. Funny, I've written about all of these things in different places around so I always have a glitch moment when people get the context wrong...then I remember not everyone knows the whole story.

Got it. They may very well be honoring your friend together, but without you. Sorry for not knowing the entire context, but there's a whole lotta postings on this forum and it's hard to read them all. I, too, know very well how difficult anniversaries of deceased relatives and friends can be. I'm sorry for your loss, but am glad you still reminisce your friend's life and friendship to you.