To the OP: I am so glad that you found this site and felt safe enough to let us know that you were feeling like the time had come to ctb so that we could at least be with you in spirit. But even more so, the strength and trust you showed by letting us know you chose to give it further consideration is to be commended. As others have already stated, that is very brave and helps to show others who are undecided that it is okay to express those feelings of intent, then wait if the time does not feel exactly right. You can always ctb later. And...I love that Natalie Merchant song, and some of the others mentioned. Have not thought about the Carnival song in a long time and it is SO very accurate about what this world feels like. Thank you for posting it.
And to everyone else who posted support, you are some of the most compassionate, understanding and empathic individuals I have ever met online. I am in the older group here and rarely visit any online forums due to the idiotic and ego driven conversations that mostly dominate. But this site is different and has a rare sincerity from most members. So thank you to everyone for being here in such a genuine manner for people who are working out the most important decision of their lives.