highjumping
Outcast
- May 30, 2023
- 93
Today marks the day that I am 6 months clean from selfharm, I don't feel better at all.
I'm "celebrating" alone, like I always do because everytime I reach a milestone in recovery I just realize that nobody gives a shit about it.
I'm convinced that I have to ctb soon because maybe then people will take me seriously again, I'm really tired.
I really want to relapse if I'm being honest. The urge is still there like it always was, I hate it.
I hate that I am alone in my room right now, crying with nobody here who actually fucking cares.
Why am I even there for people when they feel bad if nobody's there to comfort me sometimes.
I'm honestly too exhausted to be mad.
I'm disappointed in myself for not even feeling happy about being clean, I just feel empty.
I couldn't eat much and my head is reverting back into my eating disorder but nobody will notice because they don't care.
Nobody asks me how I'm doing anymore.
I'm waiting for someone to finally reply to me because I said to myself I didn't always wanna text first and make such an effort, I still have no text from them.
I feel pathetic, I knew this would happen because I don't actually matter to anyone.
I'm nothing but a distraction from boredom.
I'm "celebrating" alone, like I always do because everytime I reach a milestone in recovery I just realize that nobody gives a shit about it.
I'm convinced that I have to ctb soon because maybe then people will take me seriously again, I'm really tired.
I really want to relapse if I'm being honest. The urge is still there like it always was, I hate it.
I hate that I am alone in my room right now, crying with nobody here who actually fucking cares.
Why am I even there for people when they feel bad if nobody's there to comfort me sometimes.
I'm honestly too exhausted to be mad.
I'm disappointed in myself for not even feeling happy about being clean, I just feel empty.
I couldn't eat much and my head is reverting back into my eating disorder but nobody will notice because they don't care.
Nobody asks me how I'm doing anymore.
I'm waiting for someone to finally reply to me because I said to myself I didn't always wanna text first and make such an effort, I still have no text from them.
I feel pathetic, I knew this would happen because I don't actually matter to anyone.
I'm nothing but a distraction from boredom.
