Tazmaniac
Member
- Aug 6, 2019
- 53
I've gotten what I need...I won't explain the details but it should look pretty self explanatory. I have a dozen electric candles and some nice smelling incense. I have a fairly nice stereo system and have about a dozen songs I will put on a loop.
I've been a smoker for almost 40 years, and I smoke a lot of weed. Had asthma pretty bad when I was a kid.
By everything I've read, it should take less than an hour....I'm good with an hour. Unconsciousness should happen within 10 minutes or less.
I do have some liquor, but won't drink a lot. I had a serious problem with alcohol in my 20's and 30's and all that being a drunk did for me, was make me feel ashamed all the time. Not going out ashamed or drunk, just enough to settle the nerves.
Over the course of the last week, I've made a series of videos, kind of sharing my last days with whoever. I reached out to the only person who should care, my baby brother, and he pretty much told me he didn't care if I lived or died. Though that may sound sad...it isn't for me, it makes it easier.
For all the people in here who seem to constantly struggle with "when, where and how"? Just know, you'll know. Stop dwelling on it, find something positive to do. Stop fantasizing about poison that your never going to get, be able to afford to have tested (you will test it won't you? cyanide death is pure and utter torture)
It is a myriad of emotions, but not entirely unpleasant (for me). I've spent a lot of time sleeping and writing and pretty much doing what I want within reason.
I am waiting on one single email, that could change my life forever. It would make the difference for me. No, it's not a love letter, or a "I accept" you...nothing of the sort. I've been in a nasty consuming legal battle that has taken everything from me that life hasn't already taken, but if I win the legal case and the large amount of money that will come with it...I've lost everything in my life 3 times and have always rebuilt, I can do it again. Just don't think I want to be alone, I don't know, if I get good news...if it's worth the aloneness anymore.
As of right now, it's not.
Life long depression, loss and rejection takes a very hard toll on ones soul.
I don't believe in god at all, not for a very long time.
The other morning, I saw a star that I've never paid attention to before...just twinkling in and out of the clouds.
I lost my life long best girlfriend about 5 years ago, she would understand everything about this...I talked to the star for a long time. I named the star Jeanne and I am choosing to believe, for the next 36 hours, that Jeanne is telling me it's okay.
Could some of you share your ideas what you think happens when we die? When we commit suicide? I honestly want to hear your beliefs...keep me company for awhile.
I've been a smoker for almost 40 years, and I smoke a lot of weed. Had asthma pretty bad when I was a kid.
By everything I've read, it should take less than an hour....I'm good with an hour. Unconsciousness should happen within 10 minutes or less.
I do have some liquor, but won't drink a lot. I had a serious problem with alcohol in my 20's and 30's and all that being a drunk did for me, was make me feel ashamed all the time. Not going out ashamed or drunk, just enough to settle the nerves.
Over the course of the last week, I've made a series of videos, kind of sharing my last days with whoever. I reached out to the only person who should care, my baby brother, and he pretty much told me he didn't care if I lived or died. Though that may sound sad...it isn't for me, it makes it easier.
For all the people in here who seem to constantly struggle with "when, where and how"? Just know, you'll know. Stop dwelling on it, find something positive to do. Stop fantasizing about poison that your never going to get, be able to afford to have tested (you will test it won't you? cyanide death is pure and utter torture)
It is a myriad of emotions, but not entirely unpleasant (for me). I've spent a lot of time sleeping and writing and pretty much doing what I want within reason.
I am waiting on one single email, that could change my life forever. It would make the difference for me. No, it's not a love letter, or a "I accept" you...nothing of the sort. I've been in a nasty consuming legal battle that has taken everything from me that life hasn't already taken, but if I win the legal case and the large amount of money that will come with it...I've lost everything in my life 3 times and have always rebuilt, I can do it again. Just don't think I want to be alone, I don't know, if I get good news...if it's worth the aloneness anymore.
As of right now, it's not.
Life long depression, loss and rejection takes a very hard toll on ones soul.
I don't believe in god at all, not for a very long time.
The other morning, I saw a star that I've never paid attention to before...just twinkling in and out of the clouds.
I lost my life long best girlfriend about 5 years ago, she would understand everything about this...I talked to the star for a long time. I named the star Jeanne and I am choosing to believe, for the next 36 hours, that Jeanne is telling me it's okay.
Could some of you share your ideas what you think happens when we die? When we commit suicide? I honestly want to hear your beliefs...keep me company for awhile.
safe travels
