Ah no…not harsh. Those are some of the things I actually try to tell myself whenever I do go out. I been on a higher dose of medication, so it's kinda helping me to settle down abit but the anxiety is still there.
Even eye contact is enough to make me feel dizzy…but I force it to be as normal looking as possible. Idk if it always works…sometimes people still act like somethings off with me. And I have trouble listening and maintaining it at the same time…so that's a whole other separate issue.
Though reading this back, it still sounds like a care a awful lot about what other people think…it's just hard to shake I guess.
I haven't posted on the forum in awhile…haven't exactly felt safe, and I think my grogginess is lowering my inhibitions lol
Thank you for your kind and considerate reply. I like your posts btw, I admire how you stand up for yourself, and don't take shit from anyone on here. That's cool~
Yeah, prep for making a call or going out is always something I do. I have to visual it and account for things that can happen. So it's like being scared to high dive, or for me even low dive. You have to build up the courage. It sucks; and we have to do this for "other people" we don't even know or will never talk to again, which sucks even more. Which pisses me off so that sometimes helps. Anger can be a motivator if correctly used. Identifying how ridiculous a fear is that wtf should I fear it? But you can't just do it the one time. You have to "practice." Yeah, practice being a person... I tried edibles (didn't help) but I was microdosing everyday. I told my therapist this and was like, "So I have to get myself essentially a little "high" everyday, just to be a person?" She didn't think there was anything wrong with that and people do a lot of things to stay sane as a person. I thought "Well hell. Seth Rogen is talented and successful yet he is like always high so...." and I didn't even like the edibles.
Social anxiety is very complex. I equate it to performance anxiety. I was always terrified to read aloud when it was "my turn" in elementary. Same with public speaking. I could die from high blood pressure if I tried to sing in front of people. Shopping amongst strangers and having them interrupt you doesn't seem all that different to me if you think about it. You're not prepared, people could be staring at you at any moment, or randomly ask if you need anything at any moment. Then you're not prepared and fear takes over and it's hard to concentrate and take in what they're saying, let alone come up with a response on the spot. That's a performance to me. Usually "normal" people don't give a damn unless you're in their way. If you look shakey, they may just wonder if you're physically okay... Other people dont think like this. We're tragic lol; or if they do think like this it's to a much less intense degree of stress. It's an art lol, to actively not care. The reasons why we do are nuanced and varied. It's the same in the virtual world. This site can still stress you from the anticipation and ill-percieved judgement and ridicule that may or may not come. All the same rules still apply, just by design of internet rules. Make your own rules. Get pissed off for having such rules forced upon you lol. That can help too lol
Old habits die hard, but to me, as a former shy, soft-spoken, repressed/reserved/overly proper gal, these are the easier ones, sure as shit.
Grogginess
definitely lowers your inhibitions too lol. That's okay for you, but I've had to watch that in the past
You're welcome. Good luck with your meds. Sorry if I sound like a preachy asshole. I'm very in my head today :/
Nowhere is safe. Your neighbor could have a komodo dragon as a pet... we are doomed
I think that can be said for your #2 as well. Also I had my first surgery this year. It sucked, not gonna lie... A "wtf" experience, but it was doable. Bless that heating pad
