Venting 25 days to live

[leaftomb]

A few months ago I thought I should give myself a deadline, a moment where I just stop fearing it and just CTB. The date I chose was totally random and it is now 25 days away. I debated pushing it to another year, same day of the same month, just giving me some time to get some things figured out and cleared up for my loved ones, but I don't know. Part of me thinks I should stay a bit longer because I feel I haven't been there enough for my loved ones, the other part of me thinks it will never be enough and I might as well go before I get the chance to make our relationships worst.

Anyways, my plan is to either OD, jump, or mix both and pray nobody finds me laying under a bridge with a broken spine and broken legs. I haven't finished my note yet. It never felt so real, and I'm afraid I'll chicken out again. I must admit I feel bad for my loved ones. My dad is already depressed and I'm afraid he'd follow in my path if I were to commit.

I wish I could simply accept it completely but I don't think I ever will. 25 days to learn to live (and die, I guess) with the guilt.
If I do commit to the plan, I just pray I'm successful.

 

[onemoreyear]

I think we have a sort of similar way of thinking. I totally get feeling like you've let your family down. My dad is really depressed too. I always push myself back another year, but... I figure, if you're questioning it at all, that you shouldn't yet and you'll regret it. Living through an attempt was the worst experience I've ever had. The will to live shouldn't be ignored, either...

As an aside, sometimes it gives me peace and a sense of control thinking you can always put it off. The choice to end it will always be there... I can always do it later. And maybe if I don't do it soon, I will at least be the one making that choice for myself when I am ready.

Hope you feel alright soon.

 

[leaftomb]

I think we have a sort of similar way of thinking. I totally get feeling like you've let your family down. My dad is really depressed too. I always push myself back another year, but... I figure, if you're questioning it at all, that you shouldn't yet and you'll regret it. Living through an attempt was the worst experience I've ever had. The will to live shouldn't be ignored, either...

As an aside, sometimes it gives me peace and a sense of control thinking you can always put it off. The choice to end it will always be there... I can always do it later. And maybe if I don't do it soon, I will at least be the one making that choice for myself when I am ready.

Hope you feel alright soon.

It's nice to know there are people who think this way too. You're probably right, maybe if I hesitate, now isn't the right time. It does feel comforting to know it's not a choice I absolutely have to make here and now.

I hope you feel alright soon too man, take care. I hope things get easier for you.

 

[Nobody Special]

I wish you peace. Also, nice profile picture. Zero Day is one of my favorite films to be sure.

 

[leaftomb]

I wish you peace. Also, nice profile picture. Zero Day is one of my favorite films to be sure.

Thanks man, I appreciate it. I wish you the same. And you got great taste! I'm glad some people here know about this movie :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in whatever happens.

 

[leaftomb]

I wish you the best of luck in whatever happens.

Thank you, it's really appreciated