Help 23, gf left, fired from job, grandma died, agoraphobic, therapy not working, I don't know where to go.

[Confront4283]

First I'll start by saying that shortly before graduating university I had a life changing panic attack causing me agoraphobia and I had to get on meds and start therapy, since then I've done talking therapy which didn't work, IFS, Mindfulness therapy, humanistic therapy, even integrated therapy. Nothing. It's so hard to find someone who does CBT because they all say it's too surface level, but I at least want to try it.

Anyway, after that life changing panic attack my depression worsened causing the love of my life to step away after 7 years, I'd been struggling with concentrating on work and I tried my hardest to balance it but that failed and now I've been fired for performance. It was a WFH dream job.

Then, last week, just found out my grandma died, the only relative I was ever close to.

I'm losing my goddamn mind, I've been at rock bottom for a year and a half and everytime I think it can't get worse, it does. What the hell do I do? Where is my step forward? I've never felt more lost and devoid of meaning and hope as I feel right now. Sometimes it feels like my life is completely over.

I managed to go on walks everyday, that did diddly squat. I'm starting to feel like there's no hope for me.

I should also mention I have zero family because they were abusive, and my friends are surface level. I truly am alone through this. I need some guidance.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry for your loss. Both your grandmother and your job.
I don't have any advice. I'm not good with that.

 

[Mirrory Me]

According to some sources, agoraphobia can be a long-term illness, or you can recover from it by facing these fears gradually in real life. Being able to keep one's mind together and cross one's own limits can increase courage and endurance. It would bring a lot of Joy to just walk somewhere nice while minding your own business.