2
22yrsandnowshesgone
Member
- Jun 6, 2024
- 16
So I have been creeping around here for a bit reading others posts . I have found it strangely comforting , so from just reading - an acct. and now to a post of my own. I have been married for 22 years, a wonderful woman , have 2 daughters , so amazing , smart and sweet , I have been so lucky . But couple years ago we started to have problems .Now most would look at me and say Im a tough guy , People are either intimidate by me, or they find safety by my side , as i always took care of friends problems. Most people would look at me and to use an internet term , call me a chad. I have never had problems with women if i wanted one, they look at me everyday . Please do not think i mention any of this as PRIDE , or BRAGGING. I do not care about that stuff. So I still have people telling crazy stories about my exploits aas a younger man . I have friends ,am able to assert myself . I am confident . I have sold drugs . robbed , beaten and committed frauds . Other darker stuff , some came back to bite me in the ass, as i have been stabbed , i have been shot at , jumped by over 1O guys. i have been hit by a truck . these are just what others did to try to get me back , or whatever . I met my wife and instantly i knew she was mine. I was hers. 2 weeks later we moved in together . everything was so incredibly great. I was tired of the hurting of people, i did not think it cool anymore , but i was angry . My wife was valium to me . I have not been with another woman in 22 years . she too was loyal to me . Gradually we grew together , we shared soo much , everything . I always put my "mask" on , but with her i could really be just me. I could say "im tired of fighting" , or cry if my friend passed. I loved her so incredibly much , still do we would be together every moment of every day. If i did get in trouble she backed me , waited while i was locked up , sent money came to court to see me for a minute. We had kids, she was amazing mother , She was strong where i wasnt , knew what i did not. Its over now. Now everything is just done for me , no pleasure can be felt , or joy taken , i sit each day , in a grey haze. i feel like i am floating . i constantly shake , tremors from deep inside , anxiety i guess. I read that what i am feeling is called disconnect .I move thru my day , yet am nowhere . i just feel massive pain overwhelming. I would have checked out, but my kids and wife would feel so bad . i cant square it yet . I always thought a man just deals with it. but this is masive , huge . I guess i write this because i hope it feels good , or maybe others will understand.I have also noticed alot of young people, on here , and maybe due to my age ,or having kids 18-16 makes me want to chat with some, I can understand and do believe that life is beautiful , true beauty can be found in the simplest of things. while i am not trying to judge or be moral , etc. i do feel that maybe some of u younger people should wait , things can change fast . its easy when young to be hard on yourself .and ridiculous as it seems , even tho i want to check out , id like to try to help a bit, however i can. even if someone just tells me to shut the F up . I am conflicted , on so many levels .I have done things , real things ,bad things . i made mistakes with my wife and kids too . anyway i guess i have whined enuff about my problems . feell free to comment or msg or whtever u call it , as im kinda old school and never done any of this kind of forum stuff before. Thanks if u made it this far , and i hope u all find the peace , the comfort you all wish to find