Venting 2024 was supposed to be my year....

[banger12]

2023 was amazing. I finally had evidence that i had potential, that I could actually achieve what I was pursuing, that all of my ambitions were actually within reach. I was finally starting to fix myself and solve my problems and becoming a better version of myself. I was progressing through laying a foundation in life and I felt like I was just getting started. Like the year ahead of me had so much promise and could only be better.

Although my depression and anxiety persisted, and given that those disorders are seemingly life sentences, were almost guaranteed to persist through the entirety of my life span, suicide felt like a specter relegated to the past.

Well, Christmas break of 2023 shattered those hopes of a great 2024 before the New Year even began with an injury that broke me and set off a chain reaction that destroyed everything and left me in this awful position.

I was becoming a star student at college. I was great at my job. I was helping me family. All tge bullshit forced me out of the first two and my relationship with my family has become strained partly due to that.

All the stuff that happened and what my life has become and all of that missing time is agonizing. There's no coming back from this. Suicide is all I can do now to correct the problem and spare myself more of this.

I was just recollecting all of the good times tonight. So many memories hit me tonight. Reminders of how much I've lost and how far I've fallen.

 

[brokeandbroken]

2023 was amazing. I finally had evidence that i had potential, that I could actually achieve what I was pursuing, that all of my ambitions were actually within reach. I was finally starting to fix myself and solve my problems and becoming a better version of myself. I was progressing through laying a foundation in life and I felt like I was just getting started. Like the year ahead of me had so much promise and could only be better.

Although my depression and anxiety persisted, and given that those disorders are seemingly life sentences, were almost guaranteed to persist through the entirety of my life span, suicide felt like a specter relegated to the past.

Well, Christmas break of 2023 shattered those hopes of a great 2024 before the New Year even began with an injury that broke me and set off a chain reaction that destroyed everything and left me in this awful position.

I was becoming a star student at college. I was great at my job. I was helping me family. All tge bullshit forced me out of the first two and my relationship with my family has become strained partly due to that.

All the stuff that happened and what my life has become and all of that missing time is agonizing. There's no coming back from this. Suicide is all I can do now to correct the problem and spare myself more of this.

I was just recollecting all of the good times tonight. So many memories hit me tonight. Reminders of how much I've lost and how far I've fallen.

Unfortunately I have no "my years" left. They were taken

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is so dreadful to me how existing can easily get much worse, the way I see it existence really is so cruel. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace from the suffering.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I feel this so much. I have had parts in the past couple of years where I was making progress - therapy and gym and healthy eating and courses - and I'm just fucking tired. Reality is this insurmountable mountain now and we're exhausted climbing. Why climb any more