Thanks for comment. I appreciate that. My mom and father actually keep me alive. I understand where the frustration comes from. I am a lucky case, but I bet expectations of most families in US is for the kid to reach 18 and gtfo. It unnerves me that there are places in the world where trying to ctb is a crime. It is a violence against freedom.
I will say even more. The fact that we are afraid of death and we feel we have to live, and that we have to make money, in order to live makes us nothing more than slaves.
They send me money, pay for bills. My mom hopes for me to get degree. I told her I rather be a welder, because college is too stressful. Now I don't want to do anything. I am like a person in a coma, just existing. My auntie is like 40 and is neeting. I will choose death over being burden and disappointment to my family. Even though they would rather see me rot in my house struggling, so they can be the ones to help, to be kind and loving. To be my savior and me being a victim.
I will say even more. Because they want me to live I will have to find employment. And last time I was employed I was scorned and shouted at by every coworker. And few clients. Everybody likes to make me stressed. And I am very fragile, not by my choice, this is how my brain is. I have Asperger's. And people here are ruthless. They will push you down to make themselves feel better. And I experienced that first hand. I just do not want to deal with people. This is why I am locked in my room I think.
I empathize with everything you've shared. School was hellishly stressful for me, too, but I did it because I was
supposed to. Then work was just as painfully stressful. You're right--people scream at, belittle, abuse you just because society thinks it's acceptable in pursuit of ever more productivity to appease the rapacious new god
The Economy. We have no right to kindness. In the US, we're told we have no right to employment BUT we have a right
to labor. So, we aren't due a way to survive, but if someone else wants to exploit... sorry.... pay us to labor, we can do this in exchange for what the other party is willing to pay us. Never mind the stultifying power imbalance and loss of both dignity and freedom to negotiate effectively. Very many people in my country feel this is not just OK, but "right." I'm not under any illusion that I have some right to change others' minds, but at the very least, they could let those of us who can't or don't want to participate in this system leave. They claim
we don't have a right to leave
because we would be imposing a moral burden on others--either to agree with our decision or to help us against their will. They side-step the obvious--that they deny us access to information and the means to leave peacefully and quietly. As for their feelings--the suffering they claim we impose on others by departing, why is our suffering any less important than theirs? Not to mention the very, very many who choose suicide
after having been abandoned (in the US, several studies find the suicide rate among the homeless can be as high as 10-times that in the general population).
Sorry, I got away with myself. I agree with you wholeheartedly. We're "push[ed] down to make [others] feel better." We're expected to live degrading lives wage slaving for just barely enough to stay alive to keep benefitting others (the State, corporations...). And all the while, as you've written, we're constantly reminded how much of a "burden and disappointment" we are. It's mind-boggling.
An online social worker whom I've written extensively about once answered the question
What should we do about those who don't respond to conventional therapy and who live horribly painful and objectively worsening lives? by saying she is concerned with those she can save. How wonderful. Those who have loving families, are still valued by society and who have enough resources to stay alive--for their sake, the abandoned dross can "rot" (your word, very apt) for decades or experiment with hard-to-acquire, possibly painful, and likely frightening ways out, hidden in the dark like criminals or monsters. You are right: "It is a violence against freedom."
Loved your thread. Thank you for sharing it. Peace.
