Discussion 1st in your family?

[Snackpack29]

Pretty much what the title says. If you do decide to ctb, will you be the first person in your family to do so? Or not?

Me, personally, I would be. This is something that has been on my mind lately as a result of me wondering how the people in my life will react to my death if I ever work up the courage to end it. It suddenly dawned on me one day when I was lost in my suicidal thoughts, "Oh, I'll be the first person to kill themselves in my family. Huh."

Not really a noteworthy achievement for a family first but the downward spiral just doesn't seem to be showing any signs of stopping. Or reversing, in my case.

Anyways, is this something any of you think about when considering ctb? Or is it irrelevant to you?

 

[Delaying]

I would be the first I know of to do it.

 

[thetwilightzone]

I've always wondered why suicide is so rare.

 

[bigj75]

I've always wondered why suicide is so rare.

Because the average person doesn't have it bad enough to want to truly go through with suicide. They have a family, a job, and some kind of hobby. That's enough to keep the average person content with living. Plus religion has a huge factor in it. If people weren't taught that suicide wI'll automatically send you to hell the more people would probably do it.

 

[skitliv]

Yes

 

[josh228]

I've always wondered why suicide is so rare.

because life for the vast majority of people has the potential to be amazing.

 

[MEoDP]

My uncle made an attempt,but failed. I don't know the quality of his life now,but as far as I know,at least he's content where he is now.

So I wouldn't be the first,but If I ever do go down that route,I may very well end up as the first one who succeeded.

 

[Nik]

I'll be the first, that I know of, in my family. Decided on CO in a tent.

 

[CRM]

Yes, I'm sure I'll keep up the tradition of being the embarrassment of the family.

 

[Trashcan]

No. A non-immediate family member I never met committed suicide. I know another non-immediate family member attempted suicide when she was a kid, but is now in her 70s and hasn't done anything since. There may be some others, but I'm not aware of any.

 

[QueenEtna]

My mums tried it 3 times and fail, but I guess I don't have family members that have succeeded in it.

 

[Time2Go?]

I would be the first. That is one of the big draw backs for me. I don't want to "pass this on to the next generation ".

Mattie

 

[Maravillosa]

I know that my maternal grandmother ctb, and I believe that I have heard that one of her brothers also ctb. I cannot remember any ctbs on my father's side of the family: my paternal grandfather died in his late forties (in the early 1950s) of cirrhosis of the liver due to alcoholism, but my father's family was devoutly Catholic and I think that a direct and unambiguous suicide would have been a scandal to my paternal relatives in those days.

Actually, it is a bit of a consolation to me that there is a history of ctb in my family. I feel as if I am not alone, and that there are precursors who have gone on before me. I am also glad that I never had children (I am 52 and menopausal since 2012, so I will never have children now), so that I will not pass on my bad genes to future generations.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

If things go right, I'll be the first successful one.

Long explanation/qualifier:
when I was younger, my mom would tell me she would be so mad at my dad that she almost killed herself. Not a great way to greet your child after he stayed up all night wondering where you were or if you were coming home. But her method would mean only passing out, not anywhere near death. But since it was my role in the family to compensate for whatever they couldn't do themselves, I researched methods for her. However, I found it would be illegal for me to help her since she wasn't terminally ill. And describing the method (at that time, helium) to her wouldn't have helped her since she doesn't listen or learn from anyone. So nothing ever came of it. Except another reason why I'm fucked in the head; I don't think researching methods for your mom to off herself when you're in high school and carrying the burden of her happiness through your entire life is good for any child. One of the reasons I'm so exhausted from life, which neither exercise nor "vitamins!" solves.
She will feel pain when I die, but at this point I'm tired of serving everyone else's feelings first. (And yes, I did tell her that she should vent to her friends, not her kids. She said she didn't want to bother her friends because they have enough of their own problems. Sigh.)

 

[Snackpack29]

If things go right, I'll be the first successful one.

Long explanation/qualifier:
when I was younger, my mom would tell me she would be so mad at my dad that she almost killed herself. Not a great way to greet your child after he stayed up all night wondering where you were or if you were coming home. But her method would mean only passing out, not anywhere near death. But since it was my role in the family to compensate for whatever they couldn't do themselves, I researched methods for her. However, I found it would be illegal for me to help her since she wasn't terminally ill. And describing the method (at that time, helium) to her wouldn't have helped her since she doesn't listen or learn from anyone. So nothing ever came of it. Except another reason why I'm fucked in the head; I don't think researching methods for your mom to off herself when you're in high school and carrying the burden of her happiness through your entire life is good for any child. One of the reasons I'm so exhausted from life, which neither exercise nor "vitamins!" solves.
She will feel pain when I die, but at this point I'm tired of serving everyone else's feelings first. (And yes, I did tell her that she should vent to her friends, not her kids. She said she didn't want to bother her friends because they have enough of their own problems. Sigh.)

Damn. Your circumstances sound pretty rough. And stressful. It's also pretty inconceivable, to me, that your mother could find it in her to rationalize not burdening her friends but have no qualms when it comes to her own children. At least that's what it sounds like unless I'm misunderstanding.

 

[Clover_]

I have I think a first cousin once removed who gassed herself, I don't know any details though. I was pretty young at the time and didn't find out until later, I think I'd only met her once or twice. I don't know if my great aunt ever got over it.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

Damn. Your circumstances sound pretty rough. And stressful. It's also pretty inconceivable, to me, that your mother could find it in her to rationalize not burdening her friends but have no qualms when it comes to her own children. At least that's what it sounds like unless I'm misunderstanding.

Nope, you're reading it correctly. Reading others who say they have narcissistic parents, I might have one too. When I was in hospital, she told me to get better for her. She repeatedly says how great it would be if I moved into their elderly community apartments, but that benefits only her. What makes it worse is getting yelled at when I'm trying to help her. For example, she needed help walking to her bedroom but also she wanted water. It's easier for me to do those tasks in two trips since I only have one set of arms. But she relentlessly yelled at me for not doing them at the same time. It's times like these that make me realize I'm better off dead.

I'm going insane nowadays (a person can only handle so much) with how much burden my family continues to place on me. The current issue is decades ago, I was a systems administrator. So now, my sibling is expecting me to produce videos for their business. They see it as all technical skills, so I should be able to do it. I tried to explain that those are two different skill sets, but they're just yelling at me that I'm making things too hard. Yet none of them have done either sys admin or video work. I know what my limits are, like I can sit in a math class and do well without handing in homework. But I couldn't learn to be fluent in a foreign language to save my life. But no matter what it is, everyone just expect me to learn and do it, even if they haven't done it themselves.

I can't comprehend how you seem to easily understand it's burdensome or stressful (btw, thank you), but they don't at all. I wish they'd respect my boundaries and limitations. I've tried talking with them, but those times just blew up in my face.

I don't think I deserve to die for not being able to cope, but I think I somewhat deserve death because death for me means freedom.

 

[Schopenhauer]

As far as I know yes. But I'm not deeply versed in my family's history or anything. Anyway, I hope my branch of the family dies out by lack of descendants (my brother apparently opted against offspring too).

 

[Limbo]

I will be the first as far as I know.

 

[Fucking loving it]

My great aunt ctb. My aunt attempted. My step dad ctb.

 

[ignominia]

So far yes. Also my family tree (or my branch) will end in me because i'm the only daughter, which is cool.

 

[Duqu]

As far as I know, yes.

 

[Suicideroomwannadie]

yes..

 

[millefeui]

Legend says a cousin of my mother killed himself in the late 80s. I was born in the 90s, so I never knew him. So I will not be the first, but it has been so long since the other suicide, I might as well be.

I don't mind it. I am already the weirdo of the "family" anyways... Most of my cousins are married with children, while I am the "failure" who doesn't work, hardly leaves the house, is still single and can't have kids. It will only add to my amazing reputation!