remunerated_exetrix
Member
- Mar 31, 2026
- 6
"God is dead, and his death was the life of the world" - Philipp Mainländer
Vanillabug333 was a SaSu user. They have 3 post, one talking about getting a gun, one talking about what you would do before you ctb, and a goodbye thread. The goodbye thread was posted on march 8th and they were last online on march 8th. Vanillabug333 was a 29 year old from Alabama. I've been thinking about them a lot lately. I want to know more about this person, but they are probably no longer with us anymore. They also went out in what I would consider one of the most destructive ways possible. While Suicide by gunshot wound is the most effective, it is also the ugliest way to end your life. To me, if you end your life with a gun, you want someone to find a mess when you leave. There is no way to not leave something devastating behind if you kill yourself with a gun. Even with something as small as a .22LR, blood leaks. There is an argument to be made that there are worse calibers than others, but in the end, there still a hole in your body that will spill the blood that's inside of you.
I keep thinking about it. What it actually looked like in the last moments of Vanillabug's life. The bullet that passed through them. The feeling they felt when they finally pulled the trigger. The leaking sound that pour out of their body when the action was over. The warm blood filling the spot they chose to end their life at. I see it so clearly because I've seen thousands of hours of people killing themselves online. I use these videos as reference to what it was like for vanillabug, and it makes me want to cry.
In the little amount of information I was able to read about this person, they did not deserve to die. They were hurt by an unforgiving world and just needed someone to be their for them. They just needed something to give them hope. There was nothing for this person. They suffered alone.
It really hurts me knowing that there are more accounts like this. Tragic endings to people's suffering. I think the worst part about it is there seems to be a perceived "beauty" in these people's suffering. They finally did something good, ended their suffering, and they are praised for their suicide with "I hope you're in a better place".
Let me be the first to say, I wish you were here. I wish I could talk to you and understand you. I think every person has something important to share and learn from. Even if I don't personally talk to you, I want to see that you're still here. Knowing your here is enough for me. I know that's selfish of me and not taking into consideration that person's pain, but unless you are going to physically die from a illness and are just waiting out the clock, there really is no justification for suicide.
Let me be totally clear and transparent and say that I've attempted plenty of times myself and justified suicide in my own ways before. I understand the monster that is sadness. It's a devastating thing. I am glad that I am alive, even though I was right when I was younger and realized that it only got worse from then on. I am living in probably the worse conditions that I have ever been in, in the worst environment that I have ever been in, with the worse trauma that I've ever been through. But I'm glad I'm still here.
Suffering is disgusting, I hate depression, and I want to be happy. Death is not happiness, it's just the end of the experience.
I wish you were here, Vanillabug333.
Vanillabug333 was a SaSu user. They have 3 post, one talking about getting a gun, one talking about what you would do before you ctb, and a goodbye thread. The goodbye thread was posted on march 8th and they were last online on march 8th. Vanillabug333 was a 29 year old from Alabama. I've been thinking about them a lot lately. I want to know more about this person, but they are probably no longer with us anymore. They also went out in what I would consider one of the most destructive ways possible. While Suicide by gunshot wound is the most effective, it is also the ugliest way to end your life. To me, if you end your life with a gun, you want someone to find a mess when you leave. There is no way to not leave something devastating behind if you kill yourself with a gun. Even with something as small as a .22LR, blood leaks. There is an argument to be made that there are worse calibers than others, but in the end, there still a hole in your body that will spill the blood that's inside of you.
I keep thinking about it. What it actually looked like in the last moments of Vanillabug's life. The bullet that passed through them. The feeling they felt when they finally pulled the trigger. The leaking sound that pour out of their body when the action was over. The warm blood filling the spot they chose to end their life at. I see it so clearly because I've seen thousands of hours of people killing themselves online. I use these videos as reference to what it was like for vanillabug, and it makes me want to cry.
In the little amount of information I was able to read about this person, they did not deserve to die. They were hurt by an unforgiving world and just needed someone to be their for them. They just needed something to give them hope. There was nothing for this person. They suffered alone.
It really hurts me knowing that there are more accounts like this. Tragic endings to people's suffering. I think the worst part about it is there seems to be a perceived "beauty" in these people's suffering. They finally did something good, ended their suffering, and they are praised for their suicide with "I hope you're in a better place".
Let me be the first to say, I wish you were here. I wish I could talk to you and understand you. I think every person has something important to share and learn from. Even if I don't personally talk to you, I want to see that you're still here. Knowing your here is enough for me. I know that's selfish of me and not taking into consideration that person's pain, but unless you are going to physically die from a illness and are just waiting out the clock, there really is no justification for suicide.
Let me be totally clear and transparent and say that I've attempted plenty of times myself and justified suicide in my own ways before. I understand the monster that is sadness. It's a devastating thing. I am glad that I am alive, even though I was right when I was younger and realized that it only got worse from then on. I am living in probably the worse conditions that I have ever been in, in the worst environment that I have ever been in, with the worse trauma that I've ever been through. But I'm glad I'm still here.
Suffering is disgusting, I hate depression, and I want to be happy. Death is not happiness, it's just the end of the experience.
I wish you were here, Vanillabug333.
