1,4 BD update

[angele]

Here's my obligatory "got my ctb stuff in the mail" post!

Received my 1,4 Butanediol from Amazon (i'm in the US, can't vouch for shipping to other countries) with no problems. Not that I expected any, it is a cleaning agent.

Tested a couple drops on the back of my tongue and 20 mins later I was out! Lol. For reference I don't drink or use drugs except a few prescribed sedatives, and I'm a bit overweight. Got super sleepy, body felt heavy, hard to focus, etc. Also felt rather "happy" for lack of a better term, but that could be from my insanely unpredictable mood swings lately, so take that with a grain of salt. Seemed to wear off in about an hour, I chalk that up to the super low test dosage.

Tasted like what I imagine robot medicine would taste like: oily and rather bland with a super bitter aftertaste. I could easily see mixing this with alcohol and downing an ounce or two without issue.

I plan to take 70 mL (2.5 oz) rectally (huge syringe with butt plug, lol) with lots of alcohol beforehand. Not sure on the timing just yet, I'm aiming for within a month or two but I wouldn't be surprised if I get impulsive and off myself earlier than that. I would do a test run but scared I'm gonna build a tolerance and really want this to go well.

Only question left in my mind is how long I need to be left alone to ensure I'm not found and saved. I've heard death can occur anywhere in between a couple hours and a couple days, but that's a huge window. I don't expect anyone here to have the answer, I'm just documenting my thought process. But any insight would be helpful.

Here's the megathread since this is a relatively new and unknown ctb method.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/1-4-butanediol-megathread.10115/

 

[Kotochan]

Well hey best of luck to you! I'm glad you have a method that will work for you :(

It's a big step to get to where you are right now. Would you mind sharing some of your story?

 

[webancverba]

My one concern would be that that concentration and amount of BD could cause irritation and even chemical burns at that concentration in the rectum, but 1,4BD could be less irritating than alcohol for all I know

 

[angele]

My one concern would be that that concentration and amount of BD could cause irritation and even chemical burns at that concentration in the rectum, but 1,4BD could be less irritating than alcohol for all I know

I'm concerned about that too, but a user here tested it and said it seemed to be fine. But who knows. I figure it'll be worth it in the long run.

Well hey best of luck to you! I'm glad you have a method that will work for you :(

It's a big step to get to where you are right now. Would you mind sharing some of your story?

Sure. I've suffered childhood abuse and neglect, repeated trauma, etc. I was involved with pedos for a good portion of my life as I am still fairly young. More recently, I've had medical trauma that leaves me struggling to perform basic self care, it's rather unusual and I'd rather not go into detail.

My current life is shit, although that's less of a concern for me because I know I could change things as I'm still young. No matter my situation, I'm still stuck with BPD, DID (colloquially known as multiple personalities), severe depression and anxiety, love addiction, autism, an eating disorder, and a developing physical disability the doctors have yet to figure out. It's rather embarrassing to use a cane at my age, especially when people ask what's wrong with me.

On top of all of that, I'm a gay transgender man with little to no support from my family and seriously struggling to support myself financially. I have to beg for money from family, friends, and strangers just to eat despite not wanting to due to my eating disorder, and it leaves no room to save up for my transition fund for surgeries and things like that. Society doesn't see me as who I really am, and nothing I can do seems to change any of that. No matter how hard I try to blend in as a normal male, it doesn't work and I'm treated at best as a lesbian and at worst as a degenerate. All of my friends are in similar situations as me, and while I love them dearly, it's incredibly depressing and makes it hard to envision a future where none of this is an issue.

I'm sure there's things I'm forgetting and missing, but that's the general gist of my life so far. I'm terrified of growing any older and and putting all my hope in ctb'ing before I turn 20. I want to die a teenager. I feel as if my existence is a freak accident and I'm tired of fighting that thought in my head. There is nothing that gives me true peace of mind other than planning a future for the world without me in it. As of when I'm writing this, there is a significant portion of my suicide note dedicated to apologizing for wasting a young life full of talent and potential. I feel terrible about it. I wish I could give my life to someone else. I can't do it anymore.

Sorry for the novel.