ReallySillyOtter
Will commit suicide or die tryin’.
- Jun 20, 2020
- 50
Hi all. Over the past few months I've been donating possessions, closing accounts, deleting files, making half-hearted CTB plans. In the back of my mind I held hope that things would get better, I could overcome the (self-imposed) obstacles in my way, I could discard the poison that mocked me every time I glimpsed it in the bathroom cabinet. That hope was killed recently. Life made it clear the hole I dug was far too deep to climb out of.
Life circumstances are happening to me with increasing speed and increasing negativity. It's clear it's time for me to CTB. I leave behind horrible, horrible mistakes, shattered relationships, decimated bank accounts, a dilapidated trailer with a leaky roof and toilet falling through the floor, the painful sting of knowing what I could (nay, should) have done with my life, and a probation officer who's going to very annoyed with me.
Squishy stuff:
That said I'm eternally grateful for Sanctioned Suicide and its wonderful members. That includes you, reading this. You all have shown such compassion, empathy and understanding. Your willingness to share such personal trauma, such intimate details of suicides, moved me in ways I didn't think possible. This site is truly a oasis in the harsh desert that is now the Internet.
Nuts-and-bolts stuff:
I'll be following Stan's SN guide of course, with a few tweaks. The biggest: no antiemetics. I found a source but it was too late. So this'll be a bare-bones, white-knuckle approach. I'll have backup SN solutions in (the likely) case of vomiting. This will be done in a hotel room. And if this doesn't work, if I wake up strapped to a psych ward hospital bed, I'll find a way to report my oopsie.
This site has helped me out so much, I'd want to pay it back in some small way by documenting this trial. I'll be posting my progress as others have in their own final threads. The plan, times EDT:
Thank you for reading. Much
to you, wherever and whenever your travels take you.
Life circumstances are happening to me with increasing speed and increasing negativity. It's clear it's time for me to CTB. I leave behind horrible, horrible mistakes, shattered relationships, decimated bank accounts, a dilapidated trailer with a leaky roof and toilet falling through the floor, the painful sting of knowing what I could (nay, should) have done with my life, and a probation officer who's going to very annoyed with me.
Squishy stuff:
That said I'm eternally grateful for Sanctioned Suicide and its wonderful members. That includes you, reading this. You all have shown such compassion, empathy and understanding. Your willingness to share such personal trauma, such intimate details of suicides, moved me in ways I didn't think possible. This site is truly a oasis in the harsh desert that is now the Internet.
Nuts-and-bolts stuff:
I'll be following Stan's SN guide of course, with a few tweaks. The biggest: no antiemetics. I found a source but it was too late. So this'll be a bare-bones, white-knuckle approach. I'll have backup SN solutions in (the likely) case of vomiting. This will be done in a hotel room. And if this doesn't work, if I wake up strapped to a psych ward hospital bed, I'll find a way to report my oopsie.
This site has helped me out so much, I'd want to pay it back in some small way by documenting this trial. I'll be posting my progress as others have in their own final threads. The plan, times EDT:
- 08:00 Begin fast
- 14:00 Cease drinking
- 15:00 600mg Ibuprofen
- 15:30 800mg Tagamet (Antacid)
- 16:00 Drink 1 SN solution (25g in 50mL water). If vomit, immediately drink another solution. Repeat as needed.
Thank you for reading. Much
to you, wherever and whenever your travels take you.
