“You’re 31 years old”

[fayth2567]

My aunt today told me that I'm 31 years old and should be able to take care of myself. But the thing is I've been and still struggle with my mental health and suicidal ideation for the last 10 years. I feel like no one understands and judges me. Life sucks, someone make me feel better please :((

 

[ready to go....]

I'm 30, turning 31 in April, and I also get this from family members. They really don't understand. I try to open up to people, friends and family, but they just don't want to know, apparently mental health has an age limit and we should, as I've been told before, to just 'get on with it' as we adults now.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I know it's horrible, especially coming from family.
There are many of us here that know how this feels, so please don't feel alone. My dms are always open if you need a rant, or some support ❤

 

[fayth2567]

I'm 30, turning 31 in April, and I also get this from family members. They really don't understand. I try to open up to people, friends and family, but they just don't want to know, apparently mental health has an age limit and we should, as I've been told before, to just 'get on with it' as we adults now.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I know it's horrible, especially coming from family.
There are many of us here that know how this feels, so please don't feel alone. My dms are always open if you need a rant, or some support ❤

Thanks

 

[FrozenMango]

Society groups mental health issues in a strange way. Sex, Age, Race, ..etc shouldn't matter. Everyone can struggle with mental health. Ignore you aunt. Her opinion doesn't matter

 

[CTB Dream]

This awful same usu human no understand think age big fac truth only numb no matteeree, depress one depress 10 20 30 40 etc all depress all need care ,,Sam all type other illn

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm 30.5 and I can't take care of myself either. Society has rigid expectations of people and is content with a superficial understanding of people's individual circumstances.

 

[Wannagonow]

I'm in my 50's, around 30 years of being treated for mental illness issues. Can't really take care of myself, but not thru lack of trying at times. It seems to me society either wants to ignore us or control us.

Your aunt might be a wonderful person, but what she said to you was cold and uncaring. She was in the wrong.

People do care- but that doesn't always come from our families. Be strong and look for other places to get that support. You're here- that's a good starting place.

 

[thereisthemist]

you are 31 years old, so everything you can or cannot do, including good care of yourself, is totally optional.
mist opt in huggies, now mist give em to you

 

[cowie]

If you are doing what you can, that's all you can do. Don't worry about other people's opinions.

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

Almost 29 here. This reminds of being told "you need to get yourself together" and "you cant be/feel that way"...Yea like I havent tried for the last several years. Its always easier said than done. While many have no issues, others do and struggle a fairly good amount.

The worst part is that kind of talk comes from people telling me that I can talk to them about anything and they are here for me. The ones that "love" me the most but cant understand me the most.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

I'm 31, too and I hate when people say shit like that to me.

I had someone say to me one time "I was depressed for a few months before. I know what it's like. It'll get better". People who haven't dealt with long term depression are in no position to preach to others. They're out of their depth. Temporary depression caused by a bereavement, breakdown of relationship, loss of employment etc., is usually treatable. Long term chronic depression never goes away. You don't "snap out of it".

 

[NoHorizon]

Unfortunately part of the stigma around mental health is that it's something young people experience and once you're an adult poor mental health is just you "not trying hard enough". Imagine saying the same things to someone with a physical issue:

"Why are you still in a wheelchair? You're 31."
"You're 31, you should be able to stop being deaf by now."

This is a condition you're living with and it should be respected as such.

I'm sorry you're not receiving the understanding you deserve from your family. Society sadly still has a long way to go.

 

[rainydayvibes]

I'm in my 30s and am supposedly doing everything right but internally am barely hanging on. There is no age limit for depression, and if anything the people around you that are saying these things are being disingenuous and cold. You are not alone in how you are feeling and that won't change with age

 

[FuneralCry]

It's best just to take no notice of people who invalidate the suffering of others like that, they cannot understand as they cannot see life from your point of view, and it's true that people can certainly be so incredibly judgemental. It really does seem as though in this world, other people very often just end up making things worse and it's simply just the way that things are. This is a reason as to why it's best not to open up to others about what you go through, at least to me such a thing could never achieve anything.

 

[NotHuman]

Autism offers a truly fascinating window into the line between social expectation and functional capability. The developmental disorder is treated as something very threatening and detrimental with early diagnosis and intervention strongly recommended. That is, until the child becomes an adult at which point all resources vanish and they're expected to have simply "gotten over" their autism.

My inability to get the help I'd need from insurance and doctors, to drive in unfamiliar areas, to form strong mutual connections with people based on nothing greater than proximity, to navigate the complex job market and live independently in a turbulent economy in which even average Joes with partners supporting the household struggle, etc. were cute back then, but I'm supposed to have all my shit together now based on nothing more than the quantity of years in which I've been held captive.

In the end, people only care that you're not burdening them. The basic tolerance for the young will always run out of eventually, especially if you're apparently able-bodied.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

People can be so cruel to those whom they perceive as being behind in the life script. It's as if compassion and understanding dry up past an arbitrary point in one's life, especially in many cultures where one is expected to be fully independent and self-reliant by a societally designated age, taking no "hand outs" or assistance from others.

Success in adulthood seems to be solely measured by how self-sustaining you are, and how much you can achieve in a vacuum without relying on other people for help. Having child-like qualities such as vulnerability, affectiveness, and neediness are seen as undesirable deficits of personality and character, hence why insults like "man child" are quite frequently slung at those who cannot meet the steep expectations of adult life.

I think many people are blind to the fact that ill, developmentally delayed, or abused children will eventually age into sick, tired adults if they are not properly nurtured. That is a huge reason why so many mental health issues seem to persist from adolescence into adulthood. Compounding neglect, unmet needs, ostracisation, and poor life circumstances can snowball into tragedy once someone reaches the age of maturity and loses access to many avenues of support/safeguarding which are only offered to minors. One doesn't stop needing love, care, and support once they've existed on this rock for an arbitrary number of years. Development doesn't cease once we age to the magic number of 18 either.

This world is very cruel and harsh towards those who have been deemed as immature and unable to hit certain developmental goals and milestones, i.e. Land a well paying job, get into the housing market, master social graces, marry, have children, etc. This simply isn't feasible when so many of us are unhappy and merely trying to survive in the day to day, harboring the burden of unmet needs and childhood trauma, while navigating an increasing complex and convuluted world.

From personal experience, it seems like people don't actually seem to care how much we struggle with functioning in life, they care more about how it inconveniences or annoys them. Lots of people also seem to think that these issues boil down to a lack of motivation or willingness to engage with society, so they will use these tough love attitudes and sentiments about needing to grow up, act one's age, etc because they think it will be some sort of "wake up call." Instead, it usually just makes the other party feel more hurt and downtrodden, because the tough love crowd simply does not seem to understand what causes others issues in the first place and incorrectly attribute one's struggles to a lack of willpower and drive.

Many times, they do not even hold themselves to the same standards by which they hold those who are struggling, which is very hypocritical. I am only in my early 20s, so not as old as you all, but already experience the same harsh and judgemental attitudes from highly functional neurotypical people who expect me to wave a magic wand and not have autism or other disabilities anymore. They usually rely on their family members heavily though, so it's the pot calling the kettle black. It feels like an unspoken punishment for those who have a bad lot in life and lack a support system. We are expected to do everything on our own simply because we were born unlucky. Others don't have play by these rules, because they are blessed with supportive families and friends who encourage and help them.

My boyfriend's mother forbid him from advocating for me with medical staff anymore, berating me for being autistic and acting all meek and saying I need to grow the fuck up and how it's all my fault that I am this way, so I need to fix myself. Since I've been forced to do everything by myself, I have suffered way more bad conduct and nastiness because I freeze up and can't stand up for myself. One nurse on the phone was openly hostile with me because of how I stammer when I talk and struggle with spoken conversations, but when she found out I have autism she started laughing at me and said it all makes sense now. It's like a curse I can't ever escape.

I was abused for so many years during childhood and adulthood, but it doesn't matter to people like her, they have no compassion for what suffering adults go through. I have pretty bad ptsd, in addition to my physical diseases and autism, and go through periods of age regression where I feel emotionally vunerable and infantile, and end up cuddling with stuffed animals and engaging with media I enjoyed as a kid to try and feel safe. Feeling that vunerable is something most people will never understand. To them, it's a refusal to grow up and a rejection of personal responsibility.

If individuals had more compassion and understanding for those who were suffering, I bet there would be a lot less suicidality among older adults. Instead, the needs of that population are frequently cast to the wayside and treated as outbursts of immaturity rather than visceral displays of pain that convey a deep longing to be seen, heard, and treated like a real human being with unmet needs as opposed to a stroppy child throwing toys out of the pram.

The assumption that adults don't need love or care from time to time, alongside the expectation that we should all be stone faced stiff upper lip workers all the time, is killing so many.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Autism offers a truly fascinating window into the line between social expectation and functional capability. The developmental disorder is treated as something very threatening and detrimental with early diagnosis and intervention strongly recommended. That is, until the child becomes an adult at which point all resources vanish and they're expected to have simply "gotten over" their autism.

My inability to get the help I'd need from insurance and doctors, to drive in unfamiliar areas, to form strong mutual connections with people based on nothing greater than proximity, to navigate the complex job market and live independently in a turbulent economy in which even average Joes with partners supporting the household struggle, etc. were cute back then, but I'm supposed to have all my shit together now based on nothing more than the quantity of years in which I've been held captive.

In the end, people only care that you're not burdening them. The basic tolerance for the young will always run out of eventually, especially if you're apparently able-bodied.

All I can do is hope and pray that somehow it will disappear in the future so that no one else has to suffer like me and apparently half this site. (Yes, other autistic people get pissy if I say this. No, I don't care.)

 

[myownpetvirus]

I'm 31 years old but wish I was 95

 

[lili]

I'm 30 and I don't know what I'm doing with my life either. I get reminded of this when I see my family. But I don't live close to my family I am very distanced from them.

I think it's interesting this phenomenon of having to make sure you are doing something with your life, sometimes I wonder what it is. The security of taking care of yourself. I am really doing bad financially. I am nervous every year of where I'm going to live, but I wonder if it's the media that makes us feel that we are not up to par with a supposed ideal.

The idea that people beyond their 30s are supposed to be married with kids and with a job or be in a house or whatever. Who came up with these rules? I guess our cultural ancestors. I don't know. Some people can sometimes have some stubborn ideas stuck in their heads. Some of us want these things and take more time than others, whether we have mental illness or not. It doesn't have anything to do with mental illness I feel even. Others never want anything to do with these concepts of life and I think that's also ok.

I feel these pressures just add to mental illness issues unnecessarily. The last time I visited my family they said I was 30 and single and needed to get married because time was running out for having children. Tried to set me up with a distant relative who is close to 20 years older than me. I am not interested in dating someone with such a big age gap much less a family set up for marriage and a distant relative.

I can't deal with society anymore.

 

[MidnightCat]

I'm 30, 31 in a few months.

I'm not even close to being able to take care of myself. I used to take care of everyone and drag everything.

Nowadays I'm not even able to comb my hair, get dressed or even pick up the phone.

Depression hits when it hits. And, althought is hard for everyone (including me) to understand, is not that different from a physical illness.

I always try to think as if I've broken my legs. You could try as much as you want but you won't be able to walk like that.

It's the same. If you manage to heal, you'll catch up. But, unfortunately, we don't always heal.

 

[Conker]

The funny irony being is how most of them are severely retarded & huge cowards to boot.

It's all empty symbolism, a mask of "toughness" that quickly crumbles when faced with an active Devil. Really makes you wonder if they ever had any sort of soul to begin with. Could be dealing with an infestation of NPC's down here and how would we be any the wiser?

"A society that keeps cures a secret so they can continue to sell medication for huge profits is not a real society but a huge mental asylum." – Dr. Sebi

 

[botch3d]

My aunt today told me that I'm 31 years old and should be able to take care of myself. But the thing is I've been and still struggle with my mental health and suicidal ideation for the last 10 years. I feel like no one understands and judges me. Life sucks, someone make me feel better please :((

Your aunt is telling the truth. Life is hard, unfair, constant competition. I am not sure what part of the world you are in but at 30 years old you're expected to be able to take care of yourself. I'm 30 and unable to take care of myself or provide. Full of physical (and mental) issues, but the social aspect adds unbearable weight to my shoulders especially as a man. It is what it is and part of the reason why we are on this forum .

 

[DeadManLiving]

I'm a few days short of 31. Regardless of how much you try to insulate yourself from societal expectations, they still exist and will have dominion over your future prospects. One is at liberty to believe whatever one wishes to be, however the cold hard truth is that inextinguishable flames of perceptionon and judgment will always continue to exist outside of one's inner shell, and fighting a fire by insulating oneself from it will only expose oneself to its engulfing flames at some point.

I was always a champion of optimism; an evangelist of opportunity. Of course it'll get better, if you dilligently put in the work. But it'll only get better to get thrice as worse. Life has a way of tearing apart your hard work, for validating it as useless or insufficient. At some point you reach a point of no return. Like running out of gas in the middle of the Sahara desert. You can hope for a miracle all you want, however you'll run out of steam going from Mirage to Mirage.

Things will get better is just a enthusiastic euphemism. You can do it it's just an oxymoron. There's only so much you can do. There's a limit to what can be done. Often times nothing can be done. Terminal diseases, physical deformities and other fundamentally complex conditions of existence often have no cure. As much as benevolent Good Samaritans may plead offers to help, there may be no help or cure within any reasonable realm of possibility.

If a person is truly at Liberty to be the owner of their Own person and body, they should have the freedom and liberty to determine what cost they are willing to pay for their own existence. So as long as nobody else will have to endure this individual's suffering or in their wake, nobody else but the individual is entitled to be an arbiter of what constitutes an acceptable "exchange rate" between the quantity of pain or suffering to be endured for the amount of life's potential goods that may be be gained in return. Nobody else is entitled to claim that even so much as a piece of scrap paper would be a price worth paying in order to continue living, if the owner of that life deems otherwise.

Only that individual should be entitled to decide what constitutes and acceptable quality of life, or an acceptable risk of coming to serious harm or heartbreak in the future.

For so as long as one remains alive, one must contend with exposing themselves to a broad array potential harms which are likely to arise in the future. Any road to recovery ahead is paved with periods of prolonged suffering. The chaotic and erratic nature of fate makes it such that a "good life" can only be evaluated in retrospect.

To compel a person by force or by influence to continue experiencing the harms of conscious existence is to enslave that person; hence the right to opt out of conscious existence must be regarded as a foundation of personal liberty. For as long as one lacks control over one's fate, one is a slave to senitense itself.

One cannot meaningfully own his or her own life if one remains alive by compulsion, rather than by choice. For those who would rather opt out, if given the choice, there is no meaningful autonomy as every choice that they do make is an effort to try and make the best of a bad situation. To mitigate, as to the best of their ability, the liabilities inherent in sentiment existence. They may still have choices with respect to what job they will work, where they will live, and what they will do in their spare time and so on. However, you're a compelled to make these choices in order to satisfy the needs and desires which society insists on. Such a person that remains stuck in a perpetual state of damage control mode is not living as a free individual.

It is within the purview of a free person to choose to end their life if they are of sound mind and can objectively decide for themselves that the price to be paid of enduring is not worth the suffering involved for whatever prospective benefits may be gained in the future, even in the best case.

 

[NumbItAll]

I'm 30 and I don't know what I'm doing with my life either. I get reminded of this when I see my family. But I don't live close to my family I am very distanced from them.

I think it's interesting this phenomenon of having to make sure you are doing something with your life, sometimes I wonder what it is. The security of taking care of yourself. I am really doing bad financially. I am nervous every year of where I'm going to live, but I wonder if it's the media that makes us feel that we are not up to par with a supposed ideal.

The idea that people beyond their 30s are supposed to be married with kids and with a job or be in a house or whatever. Who came up with these rules? I guess our cultural ancestors. I don't know. Some people can sometimes have some stubborn ideas stuck in their heads. Some of us want these things and take more time than others, whether we have mental illness or not. It doesn't have anything to do with mental illness I feel even. Others never want anything to do with these concepts of life and I think that's also ok.

I feel these pressures just add to mental illness issues unnecessarily. The last time I visited my family they said I was 30 and single and needed to get married because time was running out for having children. Tried to set me up with a distant relative who is close to 20 years older than me. I am not interested in dating someone with such a big age gap much less a family set up for marriage and a distant relative.

I can't deal with society anymore.

Sometimes I admire animals in the wild for existing so matter-of-factly. They aren't concerned about status or purpose or anything, they just go about their business. That should be good enough.

 

[borderline-feline]

I would just tell her that if you should be old enough to take care of yourself, then she should be old enough to mind her own business. When you've gone through bad experiences, life is just gonna be more difficult, and people shouldn't act like everything is "one-size-fits-all". I'm 25 and pretty much need to be taken care of because of mental and emotional immaturity. You shouldn't be shamed for having a harder time getting to a "normal" level of functioning as a result of not being on an even playing field.

 

[leeloosnow]

i hate how callous society is towards mental illness. this is so common, ppl have done it to me as well. i mean, would they tell a paraplegic to just get up and walk? no, but theyre fine being condescending af to us. i'm sorry you're being treated so unfairly <3 you deserve better