Discussion Your (least) favorite meaningless anti-choice platitude

[Jerryman]

I don't understand why it's seen as such an issue. If someone doesn't want to be here then let them go peacefully. Why is death not accepted? Everyone dies, you can't have birth without death.

 

[Okami]

One thing that I've noticed on multiple occasions (and have even experienced myself) is that there are those who will get in contact with you; saying something along the lines of "Hey, are you okay man? I'm here for you."

If you do decide to respond, there's a 99% chance that after you're done opening yourself up, they'll say some stereotypical bullshit (like the many quotes already shared on this thread) before just suddenly disappearing. It's just ridiculously contradictory. They're attempting to "help" someone, but after they believe they've done their part they just vanish and never talk to you again. For those who may be similar to myself, it'll just make people feel even worse about themselves, as they'll feel like they perhaps did something wrong or that attempting to vent to someone was entirely pointless and resolved absolutely nothing. But it's all fine, as the only thing that matters is that it made the other party temporarily feel better about themselves, as they give themselves a pat on the back.

 

[hopeis5427]

One thing that I've noticed on multiple occasions (and have even experienced myself) is that there are those who will get in contact with you; saying something along the lines of "Hey, are you okay man? I'm here for you."

If you do decide to respond, there's a 99% chance that after you're done opening yourself up, they'll say some stereotypical bullshit (like the many quotes already shared on this thread) before just suddenly disappearing. It's just ridiculously contradictory. They're attempting to "help" someone, but after they believe they've done their part they just vanish and never talk to you again. For those who may be similar to myself, it'll just make people feel even worse about themselves, as they'll feel like they perhaps did something wrong or that attempting to vent to someone was entirely pointless and resolved absolutely nothing. But it's all fine, as the only thing that matters is that it made the other party temporarily feel better about themselves, as they give themselves a pat on the back.

OK BUT THIS IS SO ACCURATE
*CLAPS*

 

[Morning Angel]

there's a 99% chance that after you're done opening yourself up, they'll say some stereotypical bullshit (like the many quotes already shared on this thread) before just suddenly disappearing. It's just ridiculously contradictory. They're attempting to "help" someone, but after they believe they've done their part they just vanish and never talk to you again.

I have had this happen more times than I could count. It is really frustrating and the gesture feels pretty empty... or like it's some kind of performative altruism. I really get this.

At the same time, I've since let go of any sort of expectation from people, because I've just accepted friends' capabilities are limited. People want comfort. They want to feel like a good person, send you a quick text, and go back to their lives and ultimately, forget about your situation. I suppose it doesn't make them any less worthy of a person, but when your issues are chronic, it's a harsh realization to know you stand alone.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

My humorous response to that is, "A permanent solution? That's exactly what I've been looking for!! Thank you for the advice!" :)


My peevish platitude is "Life is never that bad." One reason why I'm leaving: people simply minimizing any trials and tribulations people have. They imagine themselves in my circumstances and say I should just do <this>, problem solved. But as one person said, "they imagine themselves in my shoes, not me in my shoes."

 

[Smilla]

Your family loves you.

What if someone has no family or said family is part of the reason why one may want to ctb?

 

[readyanddetermined17]

But it's all fine, as the only thing that matters is that it made the other party temporarily feel better about themselves, as they give themselves a pat on the back.

Yeah, i feel similar vibe from a lot of people. What interests me is how many of them sincerely think they did a good job, thinking to themselves after "i did all i could" and how many do it so they can have "a participation in helping somebody" crossed off their list so asked they can mention it and not lie about it. Wait, i'd rather not know that after all.

 

[sky7]

how about the ones where they tell you that the people who attempted suicide are grateful that they in fact survived because deep down they didn't want to die

 

[Morning Angel]

"i did all i could"

This actually really bugs me too, when people talk about those who passed by their own hand like this. I get that it's said to offload their sense of responsibility for the person's death, but there is always more people can do to help.

 

[ThisIsTheEnd]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.", "Get over it.", and "Cheer up, it gets better!" really piss me off.

 

[frank630]

it only shows how unfair the world is. We want to die but have to live. Other people want to live and we have to die. Shit this world is cruel, especially people that do not acvept the death wish of others

Irony of life

 

[frank630]

Good things happen to those who wait.

I've waited long enough to see that things will not get better.

 

[frank630]

I tried talking about my suicidal tendencies only to my relatives, here are some of their answers:

You thought the suffering will end? No because you'll go to hell. (As if they have seen what's there after we die.)

No one fails in killing themselves. (I've heard this when I'm still alright but now, uhmmm... I've already tried more than thrice, you say???)

Everyone have problems. If you don't have one that only means you're dead. Be thankful you have problems. (I'll take being dead with no problems.)

It's all in the mind. (Please open your eyes.)

You're even a man, and you feel that way? So coward. You just want to escape/shortcut. (I'm a man so I don't have the right to be weak. Ok, got it. Yes, I want to escape because I have done all I can but things will not get better.)

 

[Mr2004]

So what's your favorite anti-choice platitude? What is it about the platitude that is irrational or upsetting?

Mine is well known but still worn out in the suicide prevention community. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

Oh really, now? ALL problems are temporary, are they? Try telling that to the cancer ward in the children's hospital, or the chronically homeless person who applied to every welfare program available, or the veteran who now has PTSD the rest of his life. I can't tell whether people who say this platitude genuinely believe it, are in denial about the reality of life, or are just saying it because they haven't a clue what else to say. Not all problems are temporary, some are really not fixable - at the very least, they could admit there's a low likelihood for change in many cases.

I find this platitude very disingenuous.

I will only say anything like this if I genuinely mean it and that's usually if the persons clearly being an edgy teenager or attention seeking idiot. If it's as bad as they say it is who am I to say they shouldn't? I'll just say I 'm sorry or I understand. I won't go out of my way to change their mind but I can't go out of my way to encourage it either. No one wants someones death to be because of them unless they're a maniac and I think that's what a lot of the platitudes are really about

 

[Mr2004]

I will only say anything like this if I genuinely mean it and that's usually if the persons clearly being an edgy teenager or attention seeking idiot. If it's as bad as they say it is who am I to say they shouldn't? I'll just say I 'm sorry or I understand. I won't go out of my way to change their mind but I can't go out of my way to encourage it either. No one wants someones death to be because of them unless they're a maniac and I think that's what a lot of the platitudes are really about

I never actually answered the question. Probably 'you're wonderful ', 'you're special' etc etc. It's laughable really, how would they know?

 

[atwasoa]

- I have been captured by a terorist Group. They cut of my legs and they are saying if i dont kill my baby brother they are gonna blow up this orphanage. I think i should kill myse-
+ suicide is not solution my friend. Things are gonna be alright. xoxo

 

[Fixin’ToDie]

"Life is a gift". Worst gift ever then...

But a gift that is unwanted can soon become a burden, the more so if it cannot be returned.

 

[Sayo]

I got asked recently what I would say if that person was telling me what I was saying, which isn't even a platitude but a guilt trip masquerading as one... Obvious trap from the outset... I thought it was unusually more screwed up and distressing than the average non-guilt stuff, which is alienating and hurtful but doesn't quite attempt to make you responsible for preventing someone else's hypothetical unwanted death.

 

[CRM]

I got asked recently what I would say if that person was telling me what I was saying

What was your response? Or is it a private matter?

 

[Sayo]

What was your response? Or is it a private matter?

Well, I opted for honesty. I thought about lying and just accepting the accusation of hypocrisy or insanity whatever ('nonsensical thoughts that only make sense because you believe in suicide' tautologies were thrown around before), but because of who the person is to me, I judged them capable of eventually understanding and felt that if they understood it might help.

I told them that if they felt like I did, I would understand it if they acted like I did. That of course I would be sad that they felt that way and the thought of it was unbearably horrible. But I couldn't ultimately force them to exist, only try to understand and respect their needs and feelings, be there as I always have. I worded it differently but I tried to emphasise that my position would be non-judgment.

Addendum that I think if this person was suicidal it would be most likely to be of the temporary and impulsive kind from experience, but that may be wrong and things change. And I don't personally believe even such a suicide is inherently a mistake as long as it's completed. But if a person has any desire to go on living happily and it could be made to happen, maybe that's better than non-existence. Or if you don't believe in non-existence then you might not make your decision the same way. I love this person and would not be happy about their suicidality or death, but I could never intentionally contribute to a feeling of imprisonment by existence. I would fight for them in any plane.

Anyway the response was that for his sanity he had to believe none of that was true, I believe that was interpreted as being okay with or supportive of his death despite that obviously not being true. Maybe I deserved that for not judging I shouldn't answer literally, I don't know...

 

[Morning Angel]

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments on this thread. Hopefully you found it useful to vent and to feel less isolated in this difficult decision/process of self-deliverance. There's a lot of empathetic, thoughtful people here and I see that suffering can create such understanding.

Side note but if anyone needs a friend or someone to listen to them I'm around until tomorrow so please feel free to pm me (having my account banned). Perhaps we can stay in touch too. xx

 

[Smilla]

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments on this thread. Hopefully you found it useful to vent and to feel less isolated in this difficult decision and process in self-deliverance. There's a lot of empathetic, thoughtful people here and I see that suffering can create such understanding. If anyone needs a friend or someone to listen to them I'm around until tomorrow (having my account banned). Perhaps we can stay in touch too. xx

Why are you having your account banned? What does this mean?

Im confused

 

[Morning Angel]

Why are you having your account banned? What does this mean?

Im confused

Oh I'm leaving the site. Just a side note because I didn't want to create a whole separate thread about it.

 

[Smilla]

Oh I'm leaving the site. Just a side note because I didn't want to create a whole separate thread about it.

Oh I see.

Safe travels wherever you end up.

Will miss you.

 

[Deepneverending]

"Everybody has problems" said to a suicidal person to downgrade his struggle.

I'm sorry but uhu, that's funny.

 

[PsychoPyro]

"Suicide is not an option."

...

"It's not an option, so don't choose it. Look the other way hunnie, just pretend suicide doesn't exist"

 

[PsychoPyro]

"Commiting suicide is meant for cowards"

It's just a way to shame people away from suicide.

 

[ninaevol]

This isn't really a platitude but my father told me to just 'pray harder' despite me being an atheist and a guy friend suggested I try meditation after I had a panic attack and left me on read. My parents always remind me that there are people out there who have nothing and would love to have my life. If only there were a way I can leave and just give them my life.. they can fucking have it..

 

[Ssname]

"Suicide is not an option."

...

When I first told a counsellor that I thought of killing myself he just paused and said. "Well I guess that's an option" not what I was expecting haha.

Apart from the ones already mentioned I hate the "if you were serious you would have done it already" or "youre talking about it means a part of you still wants to live"

Ugh

I had a friend say that to me a couple of months ago when we got drunk and had a deep and meaningful. In head I was just like Na mate there are other reasons I have put it off.

And also i'm aware of a situation where a person as advice for an obviously (clinically) depressed one recommended to stop worrying.
Get it? Is' so simple. It's basically:
-I have a problem.
-Then stop having it!

"when I get sick I stop being sick and be awesome instead" - Barney Stinson

 

[Bandzbandz]

"Think of your children! OMG will someone please think of the children!!!??"

Funny enough - one of the reason I've decided to go on is because I've been told that I'm barren, that my womb is inhospitable, and i can't ever have kids. I'm 20 and I've always wanted to have my own kids. I'm glad I can't have any now.