Your feelings at the moment..

[The Dark Chaos]

Sometimes, I want to scream; I want to scream at the top of my lungs until I can't scream anymore. Sometimes, I just want to hit something, I want to hit anything as hard as I can and keep hitting it until my arms go numb.Sometimes, I want to run and run as fast and as far as I can until my legs collapse beneath me.Sometimes, I need to cry, but I don't, because I hate to waste the time. Sometimes, I need to close my eyes and listen to my own hear beat, but I can't, because I'm always surrounded by noise. Sometimes, I need to yell at someone; yell as loud as I want at them, and see the shocked look on their face, but I don't, because yelling has consequences.Sometimes, I need to tell the truth; just shout it from a very tall building, and be free of it, but I don't, because I don't think the truth will be enough.Sometimes, I long to just pour out my heart to someone other than my keyboard, to trust in someone completely, to know they won't yell or judge, to know they won't say no or walk away, but I have no one with that guarantee. Sometimes, I long to speak my mind and tell everyone how I really feel, to tell them and walk away with no regrets, but I can't, because you can never speak on impulse without a few pangs of guilt afterward. Sometimes, I long to say 'Screw you!' and tell someone off, but I don't, because that's a really fast way to lose a friend...

 

[itsamadworld]

I feel unsatisfied, invalidated and I always have this low-boiling anger/resentment towards being put on this planet. Most of my anger is at two people. I wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up...I just feel depressed and anxious all the time....it's like a low, all the time, continuous ....I just don't want to fight anymore, because I feel like i'm too old ...I don't think I can get help anymore....

 

[The Dark Chaos]

I feel unsatisfied, invalidated and I always have this low-boiling anger/resentment towards being put on this planet. Most of my anger is at two people. I wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up...I just feel depressed and anxious all the time....it's like a low, all the time, continuous ....I just don't want to fight anymore, because I feel like i'm too old ...I don't think I can get help anymore....

Its not that you can't get help anymore. If you think you need help or someone to talk to thenn you should speak up. But if you don't want help then that's a different case..

 

[Mr2005]

I see the only way forward is to pay it forward

 

[itsamadworld]

Its not that you can't get help anymore. If you think you need help or someone to talk to thenn you should speak up. But if you don't want help then that's a different case..

That's the thing, maybe I don't want the help anymore. I did try. I am so very introverted ,is one other issue for me. I did try to get councelling/professional help. I ended up in an institution, and that was not fun for me... I had some pretty bad experiences. So I don't trust the system now.....I also have social anxiety, and for some reason, I am very stubborn in wanting to die young. 40 was my dream..i'm 39 but I don't want to live a long life....I really don't...I don't know if i'll be able to ctb at 40? I really don't, tmi...perhaps, but I am just trying to be real.....I failed in the past....I was close to the light....but some Think-they-do-gooder found me....uuugg

 

[The Dark Chaos]

That's the thing, maybe I don't want the help anymore. I did try. I am so very introverted ,is one other issue for me. I did try to get councelling/professional help. I ended up in an institution, and that was not fun for me... I had some pretty bad experiences. So I don't trust the system now.....I also have social anxiety, and for some reason, I am very stubborn in wanting to die young...i'm 39 but I don't want to live a long life....I really don't...

There's nothing to be ashamed about for being an introvert cuz they wear their chaos inside themselves. Well, in my opinion shrinks and institutions are just bullshits, you'd rather try a true friend. But if you've decided then we respect that as well..
PS- I also don't wannaa live a long life..

 

[itsamadworld]

There's nothing to be ashamed about for being an introvert cuz they wear their chaos inside themselves. Well, in my opinion shrinks and institutions are just bullshits, you'd rather try a true friend. But if you've decided then we respect that as well..
PS- I also don't wannaa live a long life..

Thank you.

 

[Slow85]

Guilt .
Guilt at continuously watching my husband doing everything and children coming to me and me turning away from them because I just can't.... this depression has eaten away at me for months now. These memories are not what I want for them

 

[Walilamdzi]

I feel sad that it will affect others.

 

[lmroch]

I see the only way forward is to pay it forward

​

 

[Despondent]

I wish that I could give verbal acknowledgement (of course in a pleasant way) to those who take advantage of me, and think that I'm "dumb enough to not know". I wish that I could tell the true feelings of how I actually feel to those who I have an issue with. I wish that I wouldn't take on other peoples games, and let them know that I'm not down on my knees; doing whatever it is that they want.

I wish that I could confide in people, more than I could not. I wish to "let myself go," and destroy everything in my surroundings during moments of impulse and agitation. I wish to let others in on my feelings and emotions -- let them know that it's not their fault during times that I feel the need to "put on a mask," just so that I could protect myself. I wish that I could let others know about how I truly feel, without feeling as though I'm attention seeking when that's not the case. Perhaps know that I'm not that lonely, since there is few people around, even if my mind convinces me otherwise

 

[Donk]

helpless. my brain is too fucked up to be fixed.

 

[Ardesevent]

I feel like a failure. I'm not good at school or my hobbies anymore, and I'm so paranoid I can't see myself becoming friends or dating anyone. Staying alive and becoming happy is more of a dream at this point.

 

[MartyByrde]

Having to fight hard against the urge to take myself out today. I have a solidly fucked foundation, with more shit is regularly added to it, creating an insurmountable amount of pain and terror.

Fuck. I need a break, but severe mental illnesses is more relentless than a junkyard dog.

 

[WinterFaust]

Feeling nostalgic for the past, wondering if my ex will even bat an eye when I CTB. Feeling like a complete failure because everything wrong in my life is because I didn't try harder, feeling like I failed because I'm only 26 and I need to CTB because I'm too mentally (and now physically) fragile to push when the going gets tough. Feeling very lonely and afraid. Wishing miracles existed.

 

[Inferdan]

Everything changes too fast. First, I'm suffering every day. Then, I enter a state of apathy, and everything goes dull and numb and empty. And now, I'm on meds. Not thinking or wanting suicide as much as I did before, so the meds are doing their job (their Lexapro, before anyone asks). I think they'll carry me along for a bit longer, though I was nearly ready to decide back before when everything was going grey. Kind of frustrated I didn't get to, honestly, I want to make a decision already.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I also have "failure" feeling today.
How could I be so dumb. I can't explain it. Optimistically blind.

 

[Bustedhornet]

Regret for the mistakes I've made in the past. Hopelessness as things will never get better. If only I could go back in time.

 

[WinterFaust]

Regret for the mistakes I've made in the past. Hopelessness as things will never get better. If only I could go back in time.

This is the mantra in my head every single day. It's an unfortunate feeling, truly an all encompassing feeling the swallows you whole. But, you're human. I have a hard time allowing myself that. Sending lots of love to you.