Your failed attempt

[nitz]

Can you write something about method and why did you fail, what you learned and why you have or don't have brain damage from it

 

[Radaghast94]

October 1st 2016, I got drunk cause I knew I'd be terrified from the height, walked to a suspension bridge got to midpoint of the bridge. Climbed over the railing, heard some lady screaming in the background. Two men grabbed me within seconds of jumping over the barrier, maybe I looked suspicious and they had followed me I don't know to this day. Whether I wasn't committed, whether I was just being polite they pulled me back over the railing and I relented out of fear I guess. If it had been 5 seconds longer I would have been dead, I was so drunk and impulsive it would have happened im pretty convinced. I didn't want to die, I don't think anyone ever does but my life had become hopeless, I just knew whatever I had was ongoing and I doubted anything could be done to help it. To this day I regret coming back over the railing, it was a really good opportunity to end it and I fucked it up.

 

[Lost]

October 8th. I took 160 beta blockers. If they wouldn't found me for another 30 min I would had ctb. No damage as of yet other as waiting for any chance

 

[bigj75]

I failed by telling my dad and he found my gun. I should have kept shut and just lied. Knew he wouldn't understand.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Can you write something about method and why did you fail, what you learned and why you have or don't have brain damage from it

Took 8gm of dilantin. Roommates had left for a four day, outdoor concert. While unconscious the rain began. So bad was the storm that the concert was cancelled and they came home. Came too in hospital several days later. No psychiatric care though, just went back home.

 

[Miss clefable]

Took 8gm of dilantin. Roommates had left for a four day, outdoor concert. While unconscious the rain began. So bad was the storm that the concert was cancelled and they came home. Came too in hospital several days later. No psychiatric care though, just went back home.

Wow it was like fate wanted you to be alive I'm sorry

 

[Sidestep]

Seven years ago I tried to slit my wrists but didn't cut deep enough. A few years later I tried to drown myself but didn't have the willpower to fight the survival instinct. Tried to drown myself again, this time tying a heavy concrete brick to my throat but survival instinct kicked in again and I turned out to be strong enough to swim with the brick tied to me. This summer I tried to poison myself with deadly nightshade, mandrake root, and lily of the valley. I don't know what went wrong there, guess I didn't consume enough, but I eventually recovered from the health issues they caused.

A week later I tried to hang myself, partial suspension. Everything worked and I fell unconscious but I ended up having a dream or whatever where I met Anubis with Ammit in the Hall of the Dead where he basically told me "this isn't how you die" lmao and then I woke up. I guess the way my body slumped caused the noose to move off enough of the carotid arteries that the pressure was released. What you can take away from this is that if you're going to do partial suspension, don't kneel or sit down into it even though that may be more comfortable cause that's probably what made it so easy for the pressure to be released. Wish I had that handy little chart in the hanging main thread before I tried this lol.

Wow I'm such a useless person that I can't even kill myself properly hahaha

 

[Tiburcio]

Monday, I wanted to hang myself but I'm a FUCKING COWARD FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Wow it was like fate wanted you to be alive I'm sorry

Yep...over and over again. Through serious operations, a multitude of accidents and injuries...on and on and on...it goes.
Should have died a natural death on numerous occasions...but no, not me...nope. And drowning in the bathtub while seizing...best way to go. Completely unaware. It would be wonderful. Did come to under the water once, seized again and guess what? Came to on the floor surrounded by a very large puddle...but...still breathing. What a waste.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

wanted to hang myself by jumping from a bridge while having a rope around my neck

in was a winternight in a quite empty area. i stood for like 30mins and eventually decided - fuck it its cold im goin home

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Monday, I wanted to hang myself but I'm a FUCKING COWARD FUCK FUCK FUCK

I am sorry Tiburcio. What happened? I do not see backing out as cowardice though. A lot of us do that...damned hard not to.

 

[Phro]

My attempts at partial suspension hanging from a doorknob didn't work.

 

[Duqu]

Took 8gm of dilantin. Roommates had left for a four day, outdoor concert. While unconscious the rain began. So bad was the storm that the concert was cancelled and they came home. Came too in hospital several days later. No psychiatric care though, just went back home.

Is Dilantin a decent way to CTB? I take 300mg x day of it for my epilepsy (along with 2000mg 2x day of Keppra) so I get 9g a month (3 100mg capsules a day times 30 = 90 capsules of 100mg a month 100 x 90 = 9000mg / 1000 = 9 grams did I do that math right?). I didn't even consider this honestly.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Is Dilantin a decent way to CTB? I take 300mg x day of it for my epilepsy (along with 2000mg 2x day of Keppra) so I get 9g a month (3 100mg capsules a day times 30 = 90 capsules of 100mg a month 100 x 90 = 9000mg / 1000 = 9 grams did I do that math right?). I didn't even consider this honestly.

That is the dosage I was on Duqu, but I had a really bad time with the stuff. Memory loss, which is why they did not put me in the psych ward...wink, and when I took a little too much my legs would do whatever they wanted, ataxia. I also brought my dose down to 300mg one day and 200mg the second. Caused a few seizures but would have been worth it. Living in eastern Canada meant very cold winters and not being able to walk I could easily have frozen to death had I waited. It is not the most comfortable way to go. Whoosh was I sick, but had my roomies not come home 3 and a half days early I would have been gone.
I have simple-partial secondarily generalized, complex-partial, and the funky-chicken...smile, grand mal. They tried me on Keppra...no go, too toxic. Now on Lamictal...still seize sometimes but I just don't mention it. You on the other hand take 2 meds. Not sure if cutting down would be safe for you. I ended up with a badly fractured skull...lol and no...that is not why I am suicidal. I have just had enough. Think carefully Duqu. It took me months to gather enough to try it. Fear was at my shoulder every living moment of the day. I take off post-ictal, and fight like the dickens if restrained. I have been known to rip intravenous out of my arm, and have come to in the middle of traffic on a busy road. Cars whizzing by at 120 km. People could die. So, yeah, I was scared.

 

[Rocky M]

About 4 or 5 months ago, I failed, or more accurately, didn't even get to use traffic. I stood on the sidewalk for a good while, too scared to move. A car did stop to let me cross, and I just stood there like an idiot. I wanted them to run me over but I knew it wouldn't work, so I just gave up and crossed the road to be polite.

Survival instinct can be a real bitch sometimes.

 

[bigj75]

About 4 or 5 months ago, I failed, or more accurately, didn't even get to use traffic. I stood on the sidewalk for a good while, too scared to move. A car did stop to let me cross, and I just stood there like an idiot. I wanted them to run me over but I knew it wouldn't work, so I just gave up and crossed the road to be polite.

Survival instinct can be a real bitch sometimes.

have you thought about the train?

 

[Rocky M]

have you thought about the train?

I'm actually planning to use partial suspension. I don't live in an area with trains, sorry. Also, the train method is too similar to traffic for my liking. I'm not very keen on using a violent method personally, but I have great respect for those who do.

 

[Duqu]

That is the dosage I was on Duqu, but I had a really bad time with the stuff. Memory loss, which is why they did not put me in the psych ward...wink, and when I took a little too much my legs would do whatever they wanted, ataxia. I also brought my dose down to 300mg one day and 200mg the second. Caused a few seizures but would have been worth it. Living in eastern Canada meant very cold winters and not being able to walk I could easily have frozen to death had I waited. It is not the most comfortable way to go. Whoosh was I sick, but had my roomies not come home 3 and a half days early I would have been gone.
I have simple-partial secondarily generalized, complex-partial, and the funky-chicken...smile, grand mal. They tried me on Keppra...no go, too toxic. Now on Lamictal...still seize sometimes but I just don't mention it. You on the other hand take 2 meds. Not sure if cutting down would be safe for you. I ended up with a badly fractured skull...lol and no...that is not why I am suicidal. I have just had enough. Think carefully Duqu. It took me months to gather enough to try it. Fear was at my shoulder every living moment of the day. I take off post-ictal, and fight like the dickens if restrained. I have been known to rip intravenous out of my arm, and have come to in the middle of traffic on a busy road. Cars whizzing by at 120 km. People could die. So, yeah, I was scared.

Well I was just thinking of, y'know, instead of cutting down just CTB when I refill the rx and have the full amount already there.

 

[Dead_Inside]

On April 6th a bit after midnight I took 2.4 g of propranolol, 250 mg of oxys, 5 mg of Xanax and 37 mg of phenergan .... I had been drinking the whole day. No one was going to be home for the next two days. It was the easiest thing I had done in months. Only needed 6 hours max. I sat on the couch and swallowed each of those pills like it was my salvation .... and I left into oblivion.
I woke up on my bed the following day around 3pm. Apparently I am a pharmaceutical miracle ...
I failed to answer my phone the whole two days prior to my attempt (threw the SIM card away so I couldn't call for help) and my friend who is a nurse got worried and came by and found me unresponsive and barely breathing but alive around 8/9 that morning. They kept me from getting any worse or dying but felt too embarrassed for me so they didn't call for an ambulance.... I don't remember anything.
I suffer heart issues and gastric issues still. But I did repeat this attempt in June.... 3.6 g propranolol, 37 mg phenergan .... woke up a day later without help this time.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Well I was just thinking of, y'know, instead of cutting down just CTB when I refill the rx and have the full amount already there.

Make sure the timing is right. You need a few days alone for this one.

 

[Duqu]

Make sure the timing is right. You need a few days alone for this one.

That won't be a problem; I live alone, just need to make sure I don't have any appointments scheduled. I'm on disability so I don't work.

 

[Resolution]

My first attempt was a total fail, I tried drowning myself when I was 10, few tries after which didn't work out either

 

[Deleted member 1768]

That won't be a problem; I live alone, just need to make sure I don't have any appointments scheduled. I'm on disability so I don't work.

Remember Duqu...you have to have a similar reaction to the drug. I get completely loopy if the dose is even a little bit high. Also remember It works through dehydration...and that takes a while. I also created a history with the drug. Just in case it did not work. Saved me a lot of grief.

 

[Duqu]

Remember Duqu...you have to have a similar reaction to the drug. I get completely loopy if the dose is even a little bit high. Also remember It works through dehydration...and that takes a while.

Yeah I read your PM. I probably won't use Dilantin to OD it sounds too unpleasant...I have a huge pharmacy (not literally but a lockbox full) of meds; most opioids or benzos of some sort. Just about everything I've been prescribed in the past 10 years for my pain, anxiety, or insomnia I have at least a bottle of still.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Yeah I read your PM. I probably won't use Dilantin to OD it sounds too unpleasant...I have a huge pharmacy (not literally but a lockbox full) of meds; most opioids or benzos of some sort. Just about everything I've been prescribed in the past 10 years for my pain, anxiety, or insomnia I have at least a bottle of still.

I never tried Dilantin again...smile.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

On April 6th a bit after midnight I took 2.4 g of propranolol, 250 mg of oxys, 5 mg of Xanax and 37 mg of phenergan .... I had been drinking the whole day. No one was going to be home for the next two days. It was the easiest thing I had done in months. Only needed 6 hours max. I sat on the couch and swallowed each of those pills like it was my salvation .... and I left into oblivion.
I woke up on my bed the following day around 3pm. Apparently I am a pharmaceutical miracle ...
I failed to answer my phone the whole two days prior to my attempt (threw the SIM card away so I couldn't call for help) and my friend who is a nurse got worried and came by and found me unresponsive and barely breathing but alive around 8/9 that morning. They kept me from getting any worse or dying but felt too embarrassed for me so they didn't call for an ambulance.... I don't remember anything.
I suffer heart issues and gastric issues still. But I did repeat this attempt in June.... 3.6 g propranolol, 37 mg phenergan .... woke up a day later without help this time.

I am so sorry Dead. That is a lot to go through.

 

[Dead_Inside]

I am so sorry Dead. That is a lot to go through.

Thanks .... sounds like you had it worse by far. I can't imagine if I had come to in the hospital after that.....

 

[Tiburcio]

I am sorry Tiburcio. What happened? I do not see backing out as cowardice though. A lot of us do that...damned hard not to.

I couldn't do it. The closest attempt I had to abort it because I couldn't handle the pain and the fear. The rest of them, I wasn't even able to look the rope. Unless I can hang myself with my hands tied I can't. And every high place here is frequently transited by people who could "save me".

Cowardice.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Thanks .... sounds like you had it worse by far. I can't imagine if I had come to in the hospital after that.....

Ah well...smile good practice Dead. Thing is if you already take scripts just create a history. I used to pretend that I did not know I had already taken them. Not easy, and downright terrifying, but you do not have to worry about being committed....heheheh. You take what you know and use it. Pretty simple really.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I couldn't do it. The closest attempt I had to abort it because I couldn't handle the pain and the fear. The rest of them, I wasn't even able to look the rope. Unless I can hang myself with my hands tied I can't. And every high place here is frequently transited by people who could "save me".

Cowardice.

Not cowardice Tiburcio. It may be the wrong method for you though. I could neither jump from a height nor hang myself. I do not even think on it. If I cannot visualize myself doing it then it is the wrong thing for me to do, and yes witnesses are a challenge.