I'm so tired. I'm a truck driver, just got fired from my job because a guy tried to run me over.
Yes, read that again.
A different truck driver tried to run me over cause I didn't cross the parking lot quick enough, whatever that means, the police didn't do anything I had to file a criminal complaint, and the company gave me zero time to recover from it, always pushing me to do more and more because that's the transportation industry, I'm nothing but a peon. I always told myself if I faced a situation where I was given the opportunity to exit like that, I would take it. But I didn't. Natural reflexes got the best of me I suppose. Then the DMV messed up my medical exam I have to take every other year and I needed to get errors on it fixed, still without stopping, and finally I mentally broke down at the end of the week when they tried to work me all through the weekend, for reference our company is closed on weekends our last deliveries are always Friday morning. Company told me I could take as much time as I needed, which my doctor said would be 2 weeks of focused therapy. The company agreed to the plan and wished me a good recovery. After 3 days of this the company called me, apparently changed their minds and said I was fired. They took my truck back down to the terminal from underneath me and I still don't know when they're going to give me my appliances etc back. My whole life has been a constant state of building up something for myself, just to get knocked back to square one again by some crazy twist of fate. I'm done. I'm tired, I'm beaten. I don't want to start from scratch like this again. I joined the Army and stood up to sexual assault only to be abused to the point of addiction. I spent years trying to get back into the work force from PTSD only for my fiance to cheat on me with a prison guard. I spent my whole childhood being beaten by my father almost daily over the smallest things. I was once drugged I'm a sexual assault victim myself. And now this. There's plenty more but this post has gone on long enough. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm a laughing stock to people I used to call my friends, I have been for a while. And the craziest part is I don't know why, or what I do or did. I am by the metrics of a 26 year old doing very well for myself and I always take care of people like that knowing they would never do the same. But they're some of the only people I have so I don't really get a choice. I have the court case for the guy that tried to hit me on the 27th, and my life insurance policy from work expires at the end of the month. I want to do it before that cancels so I can leave something behind for my mom.
This is all my life is going to be. Nobody actually wants me, nobody wants a truck driver. They'll all happily have sex with me, which I suppose is okay, but I am at a point in my life now where I want more then that. I had my party time, my whole 4 years of high school was a complete whorefest. But this is it. Go out, drive, come home, drink alone in the dark numbing myself with video games, repeat. What kind of life is that?
Yes, read that again.
A different truck driver tried to run me over cause I didn't cross the parking lot quick enough, whatever that means, the police didn't do anything I had to file a criminal complaint, and the company gave me zero time to recover from it, always pushing me to do more and more because that's the transportation industry, I'm nothing but a peon. I always told myself if I faced a situation where I was given the opportunity to exit like that, I would take it. But I didn't. Natural reflexes got the best of me I suppose. Then the DMV messed up my medical exam I have to take every other year and I needed to get errors on it fixed, still without stopping, and finally I mentally broke down at the end of the week when they tried to work me all through the weekend, for reference our company is closed on weekends our last deliveries are always Friday morning. Company told me I could take as much time as I needed, which my doctor said would be 2 weeks of focused therapy. The company agreed to the plan and wished me a good recovery. After 3 days of this the company called me, apparently changed their minds and said I was fired. They took my truck back down to the terminal from underneath me and I still don't know when they're going to give me my appliances etc back. My whole life has been a constant state of building up something for myself, just to get knocked back to square one again by some crazy twist of fate. I'm done. I'm tired, I'm beaten. I don't want to start from scratch like this again. I joined the Army and stood up to sexual assault only to be abused to the point of addiction. I spent years trying to get back into the work force from PTSD only for my fiance to cheat on me with a prison guard. I spent my whole childhood being beaten by my father almost daily over the smallest things. I was once drugged I'm a sexual assault victim myself. And now this. There's plenty more but this post has gone on long enough. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm a laughing stock to people I used to call my friends, I have been for a while. And the craziest part is I don't know why, or what I do or did. I am by the metrics of a 26 year old doing very well for myself and I always take care of people like that knowing they would never do the same. But they're some of the only people I have so I don't really get a choice. I have the court case for the guy that tried to hit me on the 27th, and my life insurance policy from work expires at the end of the month. I want to do it before that cancels so I can leave something behind for my mom.
This is all my life is going to be. Nobody actually wants me, nobody wants a truck driver. They'll all happily have sex with me, which I suppose is okay, but I am at a point in my life now where I want more then that. I had my party time, my whole 4 years of high school was a complete whorefest. But this is it. Go out, drive, come home, drink alone in the dark numbing myself with video games, repeat. What kind of life is that?
