You can't be happy.

[Un-]

I forget. I constantly forget.

The moment things start feeling as if they're not bad, is when shit starts. It's when you forget how awful reality is. It's when you forget how awful your reality is.

You start thinking about suicide less, and you start feeling less tense than usual. You feel less tired and you start sparking up ideas on things that you could try enjoy. Maybe you can start cooking, or gaming, or watching series and movies again.

But you forget you can't do that. Because midway through your movie, you remember how she left you. You remember how your childhood is fragmented. You remember how you're backed up against the wall - you have NO option to get better. You have no option of getting better. You forgot again. You keep forgetting.

If that wasn't bad, then new problems introduce themselves. Your family is disappointed with you. They're thinking of kicking you out of the house again. You got your school assignment back, and you failed. You know that you'll be kicked out because of how useless you are. You go on social media, and the fact that you're a failure as a human being hits you in the face: your peers are getting married. They're living lavishly. They have friends. They have money. They actually love themselves, and they love life even more. They have a family they're close to. You're a failure as a human. You have none of those things. And you'll never have any of those things.

I forget. I keep forgetting never to be happy. I keep forgetting that my place in the world is as a nobody on Sanctioned Suicide. I forget that the only thing I'm good for, is increasing a suicide statistic by one. Sigh.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Relatable.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

you remember how she left you.

Tfw no absent gf.

 

[Hollowillow]

I forget. I constantly forget.

The moment things start feeling as if they're not bad, is when shit starts. It's when you forget how awful reality is. It's when you forget how awful your reality is.

You start thinking about suicide less, and you start feeling less tense than usual. You feel less tired and you start sparking up ideas on things that you could try enjoy. Maybe you can start cooking, or gaming, or watching series and movies again.

But you forget you can't do that. Because midway through your movie, you remember how she left you. You remember how your childhood is fragmented. You remember how you're backed up against the wall - you have NO option to get better. You have no option of getting better. You forgot again. You keep forgetting.

If that wasn't bad, then new problems introduce themselves. Your family is disappointed with you. They're thinking of kicking you out of the house again. You got your school assignment back, and you failed. You know that you'll be kicked out because of how useless you are. You go on social media, and the fact that you're a failure as a human being hits you in the face: your peers are getting married. They're living lavishly. They have friends. They have money. They actually love themselves, and they love life even more. They have a family they're close to. You're a failure as a human. You have none of those things. And you'll never have any of those things.

I forget. I keep forgetting never to be happy. I keep forgetting that my place in the world is as a nobody on Sanctioned Suicide. I forget that the only thing I'm good for, is increasing a suicide statistic by one. Sigh.

So true... I tried to argue... But... Nope....... *Stats increases by 2*

 

[Un-]

Tfw no absent gf.

I haven't dated before, either. I just.. pulled scenarios from the lives of people here. It's a pain being alone in this world. But I'd prefer it. Even people you love can make living worse.

 

[Hollowillow]

I haven't dated before, either. I just.. pulled scenarios from the lives of people here. It's a pain being alone in this world. But I'd prefer it. Even people you love can make living worse.

True... I don't always envy those who have it all... Have too much

 

[whatevs]

My two cents. What I want to do is to either give living a full chance, whatever that means for me, or get over it and kill myself. I'm NOT doing that, I WANT to, it sounds more vigorous and effective. What you wrote seems to me like the beginning of recovery and then caving in under pressure and your subconscious using anything negative in your life (past or present or future) to justify why the recovery attempt could never be succesful.

I don't know, it's all so strange though. I don't know if it's because I have the exact same warped mind that is fixated on what is flawed and all the horrible memories instead of the joy but I really believe the voice that told me that night twelve years ago that if I killed myself right there I would avoid a decade of suffering was right... IF death really ended things, which doesn't seem to me.

 

[Un-]

My two cents. What I want to do is to either give living a full chance, whatever that means for me, or get over it and kill myself. I'm NOT doing that, I WANT to, it sounds more vigorous and effective. What you wrote seems to me like the beginning of recovery and then caving in under pressure and your subconscious using anything negative in your life (past or present or future) to justify why the recovery attempt could never be succesful.

I don't know, it's all so strange though. I don't know if it's because I have the exact same warped mind that is fixated on what is flawed and all the horrible memories instead of the joy but I really believe the voice that told me that night twelve years ago that if I killed myself right there I would avoid a decade of suffering was right... IF death really ended things, which doesn't seem to me.

I'm not in the boat to recover, although I admire when people are. It's much harder to find a reason to keep going, than to not.

I know what you mean. Every day - without exaggeration - my brain reminds me of the time where I could've died. I was fourteen at the time. If I just went for it, I would've avoided all of this. It's by far my biggest regret. I don't blame myself, because I didn't know how bad it could get. But I was suffering nonetheless. Three suicide attempts and nothing worked. Sigh..

 

[FuneralCry]

I doubt that such a thing as happiness even exists, humans are never satisfied and suffering is inevitable in life after all. Just the fact that suffering is inevitable means that life is completely undesirable. How could anyone ever be 'happy' in such a cruel existence with all the endless misery. Life is nothing more than a cruel mistake, I will always dislike the concept of life. But it's better to see life for what it really is rather than be deluded by false hope as having hope only leads to more pain once forced to confront the reality of this existence.

 

[Hope:-)]

I used to be happy, so it is possible in this world. There are plenty of happy people around.

 

[Un-]

How could anyone ever be 'happy' in such a cruel existence with all the endless misery? Life is nothing more than a cruel mistake, I will always dislike the concept of life. But it's better to see life for what it really is rather than be deluded by false hope as having hope only leads to more pain once forced to confront the reality of this existence.

I've accepted that I'll never understand how people can be happy existing.

I used to be happy, so it is possible in this world. There are plenty of happy people around.

Like Hopes comment here. I know happiness exists. But it's like explaining God to an atheist. I've never felt happiness. It's difficult to, when all you've felt is suffering. But it's such a minority problem. My other thread showed that over 50% of the people here want to be alive.

I envy them.. So much so, I'm started to feel contempt. Why am I not allowed to feel happy? Sigh..

But, yeah, you're right.. At the end of the day, at least for me, life is constant suffering. Over, and over and over again. It has always been that way for the past 18 years, and it'll be that way until I die. It's nearly sinful of me to ever imagine a good life. It's never happening. I failed life's lottery, and the winners are rubbing it in my face.. Sigh.

 

[SarRy]

Some people have a good life. They are able to keep their regrets in the past. They have hope that they can overcome challenges they face.
Some people have learned from experience that their problems haunt them and that they aren't strong enough to face everything.
Maybe a person can change their outlook if circumstances and experience improve.

For a lot of people you seem to be right. I guess some people just can't find happiness.

 

[akirat9]

I doubt that such a thing as happiness even exists, humans are never satisfied and suffering is inevitable in life after all. Just the fact that suffering is inevitable means that life is completely undesirable. How could anyone ever be 'happy' in such a cruel existence with all the endless misery. Life is nothing more than a cruel mistake, I will always dislike the concept of life. But it's better to see life for what it really is rather than be deluded by false hope as having hope only leads to more pain once forced to confront the reality of this existence.

it do not. i attest.
but what is ? happiness in dream ? despair in reality ?

I've accepted that I'll never understand how people can be happy existing.

 

[Un-]

it do not. i attest.
but what is ? happiness in dream ? despair in reality ?

I'm the last person you want to have a philosophical conversation with. I'm stupendously retarded. In my experience though there are happy people. I've seen them. People who've never even thought about suicide before. People who've had people around them think about suicide, and yet they stay oblivious to what it means. And they're smart too.

So it's not.. What people here say it is. Despair isn't life, really. If you're happy, it doesn't mean you're dumb. I don't know what it means. I've asked around and people have different answers. One of them being resilience.

At the end of the day, though, some people face continuous suffering and there's usually no chance of them getting better. Other people sometimes do get better. And some people don't even need to get better because their life is crispy as chips.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Life is just a big competition contest. If you fail, you get cast aside and run over.

 

[Zaragoza]

I forget. I constantly forget.

The moment things start feeling as if they're not bad, is when shit starts. It's when you forget how awful reality is. It's when you forget how awful your reality is.

You start thinking about suicide less, and you start feeling less tense than usual. You feel less tired and you start sparking up ideas on things that you could try enjoy. Maybe you can start cooking, or gaming, or watching series and movies again.

But you forget you can't do that. Because midway through your movie, you remember how she left you. You remember how your childhood is fragmented. You remember how you're backed up against the wall - you have NO option to get better. You have no option of getting better. You forgot again. You keep forgetting.

If that wasn't bad, then new problems introduce themselves. Your family is disappointed with you. They're thinking of kicking you out of the house again. You got your school assignment back, and you failed. You know that you'll be kicked out because of how useless you are. You go on social media, and the fact that you're a failure as a human being hits you in the face: your peers are getting married. They're living lavishly. They have friends. They have money. They actually love themselves, and they love life even more. They have a family they're close to. You're a failure as a human. You have none of those things. And you'll never have any of those things.

I forget. I keep forgetting never to be happy. I keep forgetting that my place in the world is as a nobody on Sanctioned Suicide. I forget that the only thing I'm good for, is increasing a suicide statistic by one. Sigh.

This is extremely relatable. I hate the time. It's so slow. I have nothing to do in life and I'm just sitting around my house thinking about someone who's not in my life anymore. The time passes so fucking slow it's just so bad

 

[akirat9]

I'm the last person you want to have a philosophical conversation with. I'm stupendously retarded. In my experience though there are happy people. I've seen them. People who've never even thought about suicide before. People who've had people around them think about suicide, and yet they stay oblivious to what it means. And they're smart too.

So it's not.. What people here say it is. Despair isn't life, really. If you're happy, it doesn't mean you're dumb. I don't know what it means. I've asked around and people have different answers. One of them being resilience.

At the end of the day, though, some people face continuous suffering and there's usually no chance of them getting better. Other people sometimes do get better. And some people don't even need to get better because their life is crispy as chips.

you are oK, not silly
is a thought had too on days i am torn because of Last Fate still not leave and having at least one from many tell me is good, they are cheering for me compelte Last Fate. Is harder to ctb now

 

[lionetta12]

I forget. I constantly forget.

The moment things start feeling as if they're not bad, is when shit starts. It's when you forget how awful reality is. It's when you forget how awful your reality is.

You start thinking about suicide less, and you start feeling less tense than usual. You feel less tired and you start sparking up ideas on things that you could try enjoy. Maybe you can start cooking, or gaming, or watching series and movies again.

But you forget you can't do that. Because midway through your movie, you remember how she left you. You remember how your childhood is fragmented. You remember how you're backed up against the wall - you have NO option to get better. You have no option of getting better. You forgot again. You keep forgetting.

If that wasn't bad, then new problems introduce themselves. Your family is disappointed with you. They're thinking of kicking you out of the house again. You got your school assignment back, and you failed. You know that you'll be kicked out because of how useless you are. You go on social media, and the fact that you're a failure as a human being hits you in the face: your peers are getting married. They're living lavishly. They have friends. They have money. They actually love themselves, and they love life even more. They have a family they're close to. You're a failure as a human. You have none of those things. And you'll never have any of those things.

I forget. I keep forgetting never to be happy. I keep forgetting that my place in the world is as a nobody on Sanctioned Suicide. I forget that the only thing I'm good for, is increasing a suicide statistic by one. Sigh.

I'm not honestly really sure if real happiness even exist anymore, I've been depressed for so many years that it is hard to imagine.

 

[Un-]

I'm not honestly really sure if real happiness even exist anymore, I've been depressed for so many years that it is hard to imagine.

The painful thing is that it does exist. You just can't have it. I just can't have it. It's like being told there's a heaven, when you're condemned in hell. It hurts.

This is extremely relatable. I hate the time. It's so slow. I have nothing to do in life and I'm just sitting around my house thinking about someone who's not in my life anymore. The time passes so fucking slow it's just so bad

You really feel every second of each day. It's awful. When you're anhedonic, or just extremely depressed, there's nothing to spend your time doing. So you can't distract yourself from your pain. And this pain isn't a pain you can get used to.

Life is just a big competition contest. If you fail, you get cast aside and run over.

.. With extremely low chances of bouncing back. I wish people would stop saying it gets better. Because when you're losing in a race, you're never gonna catch up. Sigh.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Happiness is quite attainable if you have been equipped with the right tools mainly in the first three years of life…

 

[makethepainstop]

Happiness is quite attainable if you have been equipped with the right tools mainly in the first three years of life…

My right tools, size, strength, blond hair blue eyes, and above all else a doting family with an ocean of money!

 

[Zaragoza]

The painful thing is that it does exist. You just can't have it. I just can't have it. It's like being told there's a heaven, when you're condemned in hell. It hurts.

Very well said. Seeing my best friend living the life i always wish for really hurts. And the worse thing is the happiness in life almost always depends on luck. At least in my case it only depends on luck. It's so draining knowing There is happiness out there, just not for us. Hopefully we all get the courage to reach the eternal peace and leave this brutal world someday

 

[BGooG]

"Be kind. Everyone you meet is carrying a heavy burden." Ian Maclaren.

Sure there is happiness. And some people, for whatever reason, experience more happiness than others. But NO ONE is always happy. No one gets a free pass from adversity and unhappiness in their lives. Everyone carries their own burden.