"You can achieve everything you want"

[noname223]

My psychologist told me "You can achieve everything you want as long as you are determined to do so",
When I told him I might buy a substance to kill me he told me with a empathetic/strong voice "don't do it". One time I tried partial in the clinic and the therapist told me (with empathy) more or less "life is precious but it is up to you what you are doing with it".
I know they mean it good. But these platitudes don't really work in my situation or make it worse. The sentence I can achieve everything I want is just not right. I gave 150% at work. I did everything I could with all the power I had. But I just collapsed within a week. No determination in the world could have changed that. With his depiction I rather feel guilty because I think maybe I was not determined enough.
For the last two examples I have to state the big problem psychiatry has is that they don't offer a peaceful way out. Not everybody can be helped suffiently. Some people have daily strong suicidal thoughts for years. Telling me life is precious won't change that fact. I know they mean good but society has to learn that pro-choice is the right way.

 

[motel rooms]

"You can achieve everything you want as long as you are determined to do so" has got to be the dumbest & cruelest of all platitudes. It's more than a cheap lie, it's a delusion. Not even billionaires can achieve everything they want, let alone people struggling with serious depression

 

[demuic]

The problem with that statement is that it is an obvious lie that blatantly denies reality.

The fact is that everyone is not capable of everything. It may be true that some people can improve and get better at certain things with extreme effort, but it's also true that a lot of times even with all the effort in the world there are things you will never be good at or accomplished in no matter how hard you try.

This kind of mentality is why disabled, mentally ill, and people with all sorts of conditions never get the help they need because the sentiment comes down to the idea that if you think you can't do something, it's simply because you aren't trying hard enough instead of being a factual observation. (E.g. someone with ADHD just isn't trying hard enough to pay attention, etc.)

Instead of acknowledging the different people have different strengths and weaknesses, and trying to accommodate people's individual weaknesses, and play to their individual strengths, society tries to measure everyone's worth by rigid timelines and specific accomplishments that can't possibly be achieved by everyone. And then act surprised when a fish can't ride a bicycle.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

More empty platitudes from people who will never understand. If I was a normal person with normal life experiences I probably wouldn't get it either.

At the very least they should have the decency to not speak on matters they are clueless in. Maybe I am asking too much of people.

 

[motel rooms]

This kind of mentality is why disabled, mentally ill, and people with all sorts of conditions never get the help they need because the sentiment comes down to the idea that if you think you can't do something, it's simply because you aren't trying hard enough instead of being a factual observation. (E.g. someone with ADHD just isn't trying hard enough to pay attention, etc.)

It's virtually impossible to find an article or a documentary, let alone a movie, about people dealing with devastating illnesses & conditions that doesn't amount to disgusting inspiration porn. We're supposed to believe that every single guy who loses his legs in a car crash & develops chronic pain & PTSD can simply choose to become an insanely happy, buff wheelchair-basketball champion & marry a model who loves him for his beautiful soul. Excuse me while I barf my insides out.

 

[Beachedwhale]

It's virtually impossible to find an article or a documentary, let alone a movie, about people dealing with devastating illnesses & conditions that doesn't amount to disgusting inspiration porn. We're supposed to believe that every single guy who loses his legs in a car crash & develops chronic pain & PTSD can simply choose to become an insanely happy, buff wheelchair-basketball champion & marry a model who loves him for his beautiful soul. Excuse me while I barf my insides out.

It's propaganda designed to make people believe they are fully responsible for their failures and not the system they operate within by highlighting exceptions . "Oprah was suicidal but then she became a billionaire so why can't you?" There is evidence that even hunter gatherers helped disabled members. Either you lived the way we were designed to live or you died more or less swiftly... As it should be.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

It's virtually impossible to find an article or a documentary, let alone a movie, about people dealing with devastating illnesses & conditions that doesn't amount to disgusting inspiration porn. We're supposed to believe that every single guy who loses his legs in a car crash & develops chronic pain & PTSD can simply choose to become an insanely happy, buff wheelchair-basketball champion & marry a model who loves him for his beautiful soul. Excuse me while I barf my insides out.

A lot of these people end up killing themselves. The only real option of supporting yourself after you become crippled is to prostitute your suffering to the general public. Otherwise you have to rely on disability benefits and of course society will make you feel like a leeching parasite for it.

Most media is just pro life propaganda. They will never show an unbiased view because no one wants to admit that life can be very cruel and unforgiving. They need to keep the illusion going.

 

[blue_muse]

From your psychologist's perspective that means you can become a millionaire, join NASA, work for the WHO, work for the UN, join the army etc.

Never mind that accomplishing just one thing requires varying mental and physical fitness; based on your psychologist's emotional convictions, you must start believing you can achieve everything you want.

I wonder if some people hear themselves when they say such things.

 

[motel rooms]

It's propaganda designed to make people believe they are fully responsible for their failures and not the system they operate within by highlighting exceptions . "Oprah was suicidal but then she became a billionaire so why can't you?"

I might as well say this too - the disabled inspirational speakers who travel the world spreading toxic/forced optimism (as opposed to level-headed realistic positivity) are either deluded or cynical & just doing it to sell their shitty books

 

[Not Being]

In my personal experience. There are things that clearly do not depend on you. Those phrases like "believe in yourself and you will achieve it" or "You can achieve everything you want as long as you are determined to do it" are similar to the concept of "hope or faith", "believe and you will achieve it, if you fail it is because you did not believe in yourself". It is a toxic optimism that pretends to make individuals believe that they have absolute power over everything they do and what happens to them in existence; it pretends that we are all equal and have absolutely the same opportunities.

If we apply that logic to the following example:
Cross the street where many cars pass at full speed and there are no traffic lights working, "if you manage to cross it means that you believed in yourself (something like" it will happen as I want it to happen because I say so "), but if you run over it, it's because you did not believe in yourself.

Other example:
It can happen that you flip a coin and you always get "tails", do you get "tails" and not "heads" because you didn't believe enough in yourself or because you didn't try hard enough?
The toss of the coin does depend on you but the rest of the variables that act do not depend on you (gravity, material of the coin etc.)

Another example: why do people who spend a lot of money in the lottery almost never win (not to say outright that they never win)? Didn't they win because they didn't try hard enough or because they didn't believe in themselves?

And so there are many examples (search for a romantic partner, amount of money earned from employment, job bosses) ...

The reality is that everything(or a good part of the foreign variables) is reduced to randomness (it depends on your circumstances and your desires), there are things that do depend on you and others that do not, so to affirm that an individual has power over every aspect in his life is simply misinformative.
We are all born with different characteristics such as genes, the place where you were born, etc. Those things are not up to you.

All effort is not always guaranteed its reward, I go back and repeat, simply pretending that everything is under your power is simply unreal.

And this does not mean that you do nothing, it is not the intention, simply that if something does not go as you wanted, do not blame yourself at all and be aware that there are things that do not depend on you.


All this is my personal opinion.

 

[WornOutLife]

"You can achieve everything you want as long as you are determined to do so",

Sooooo typical!! Can't they think of something more original?

I've been told "You can do it!" "You just gotta do your best" "Life is precious" "All you need is love!" (just like the song lol)

After seeing 10 different therapists, I've lost all my hope for them.

However, I think everybody should try therapy. Maybe it would help them. Not me, though.

 

[yive]

"You can achieve everything you want"

it's a lie. you can't achieve everything you want. it's obvious

 

[FuneralCry]

Many people who say things like just haven't suffered enough. Its irrational, as most things that can go wrong in this life are completely out of our control, such as getting diseases. People can be determined but yet life can stop them. There's only so much a human can take until they fall into despair. Even the most resillent of people can be pushed back by this life. It isn't just a matter of attitude. This mindset cannot take away the symptoms of a debilitating health condition.

People can say pro choice things like 'life is precious' but in reality that is just an delusion. Individual human lives do not matter, death makes all of this life meaningless. Suicide needs to be seen as an rational response to extreme suffering, it would ease the burden of living for many people knowing they could have an accepted way out.

 

[noname223]

I wrote him a message about my feeling due tio the last appoinment. I think I was too friendly but maybe he has understood it. Considering going nuclear and telling him openly about my whole suicidality in case he is ignorant and does not acknowledge his fault. He would certainly ghost me but what's the point to always hide my true feelings.

In my personal experience. There are things that clearly do not depend on you. Those phrases like "believe in yourself and you will achieve it" or "You can achieve everything you want as long as you are determined to do it" are similar to the concept of "hope or faith", "believe and you will achieve it, if you fail it is because you did not believe in yourself". It is a toxic optimism that pretends to make individuals believe that they have absolute power over everything they do and what happens to them in existence; it pretends that we are all equal and have absolutely the same opportunities.

If we apply that logic to the following example:
Cross the street where many cars pass at full speed and there are no traffic lights working, "if you manage to cross it means that you believed in yourself (something like" it will happen as I want it to happen because I say so "), but if you run over it, it's because you did not believe in yourself.

Other example:
It can happen that you flip a coin and you always get "tails", do you get "tails" and not "heads" because you didn't believe enough in yourself or because you didn't try hard enough?
The toss of the coin does depend on you but the rest of the variables that act do not depend on you (gravity, material of the coin etc.)

Another example: why do people who spend a lot of money in the lottery almost never win (not to say outright that they never win)? Didn't they win because they didn't try hard enough or because they didn't believe in themselves?

And so there are many examples (search for a romantic partner, amount of money earned from employment, job bosses) ...

The reality is that everything(or a good part of the foreign variables) is reduced to randomness (it depends on your circumstances and your desires), there are things that do depend on you and others that do not, so to affirm that an individual has power over every aspect in his life is simply misinformative.
We are all born with different characteristics such as genes, the place where you were born, etc. Those things are not up to you.

All effort is not always guaranteed its reward, I go back and repeat, simply pretending that everything is under your power is simply unreal.

And this does not mean that you do nothing, it is not the intention, simply that if something does not go as you wanted, do not blame yourself at all and be aware that there are things that do not depend on you.


All this is my personal opinion.

I can relate to this a lot. A lot of things failed in my life and he now tells it is all a self-fulfilling prophecy. It made me very sad, angry and mad. And I told him that.

 

[blue_muse]

Apply caution with going nuclear; only because, he's already shown that he doesn't fully understand the factors feeding your suicidal tendencies.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

The expression of generic platitudes reflects a privileged position. Even those who have been through hardships and can utter such phrases have likely had other factors in their life that allowed them to re-emerge from a dark period. It simply is not true that every trial can be overcome. For some people, the only path to true peace is departure from the world. Anything short of that is a life sentence for pain.

 

[Weary Soul]

I am sitting here shaking my head (SMH) at the statement "You can achieve anything you want in life."

I had it "all" at one point, I worked extremely hard and eventually made a really good income, etc., that allowed me to support everyone around me. Then I was assaulted and had a few accidents (totally out of my control) where now I have had too many traumatic brain injuries and am permanently damaged.

So, to the people who say this, I would respond that life can turn on a dime in ways that are totally out of our control and this can happen to the point where there is absolutely nothing one can do to achieve their dreams.

Another example that comes to mind is a family member whose paranoid schizophrenia manifested when she was about 30 or so. Her disease was pretty severe and could not be controlled without substantial pharmaceutical aid. Many who have paranoid schizophrenia refuse to take their medications because of the nature of this disease. There was absolutely no way she could achieve everything she wanted in life.

Platitudes like this tell me that these people:
~ Have never suffered personally (or seen a loved one suffer) on a significant level where, no matter how much they
try, they cannot achieve their dreams;
~ Live in a bubble of delusion and denial; and/or
~ Have no other way to help (even if they want to) except by spewing nonsensical platitudes like this to make themselves feel better.

And bless them - wouldn't life be nice to live in that bubble of delusion and denial? Well that is until life smacks them in the face with reality and that bubble of delusion and denial bursts.

Still SMH

<3

 

[voyager]

What a shallow thing to say, almost infantilising. At best it's fit in motivating a child to work hard in school, but completely useless in addressing an adult's problems. Especially with mental or physical disabilities involved. If anything, I'd say the opposite is true. Being content with one's limitations is probably the only way to find peace when faced with realities of this world. Question is, how many compromises is one prepared to make before it becomes unbearable?