After my mother telling me that she will let me go, she has been distraught and went to her sister (my aunt). My aunt came over to tell me that i am undeserving to have her as a mother, and that i am selfish and lazy (which i am). My aunt told me that my mothers emotional neglect towards me wasn't intentional and that she did everything she could do as a single parent in her situation (which she did, and i'm grateful that she tried her best.) I've never doubted my mothers love for me or how hard she's worked just to support me my whole life. My aunt was infuriated that i believe my mother should have taken more caution in regards to having children, and i believe the timing for my mother was wrong and that she should not have had me, and could have prevented it. My aunt was screaming at me about how her sister is the most deserving person in the world to be a mother, and that i didn't deserve her as one. And I don't disagree with her at all! I wish that she had a better child who wasn't me. I regret that i was the one she had everyday.
But i'm tired of living for her. I will never see the point in living in this world. I'm sick of living as myself everyday just for other people.
It doesn't matter if you are the most deserving, most loving, most caring person in the world. If you are not in a healthy space to raise a child (financially, emotionally, physically,) YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE THEM.
Others opinions may differ, but i do not see the point of having children if you are just going to work your life away to support it, be unavailable emotionally because you need to work all day, and be miserable as you work because you 'have to' do that to be a good parent.
Create happiness for yourself, instead of giving life to someone who has no say and try to make them happy by giving them everything you think they need. Focus on yourself and what you need first. Then consider is you can have children.
And then people say 'well, she got pregnant, so she had to raise you!' She should have had an abortion. It infuriates me that she didn't. (It is legal here).
Because she was selfish. She wanted to have a child so badly that she only thought about how having a child would make HER feel instead of considering if she was fit to be a mother. Which at that time, she wasn't.
I've done great things in my life, and have worked hard for things, but i have no desire to continue living this way. I have no desire to live in this world. My mental health is so hard to deal with and i have no desire to live a life i was forced into, and that i don't like.
Yes, i'm selfish. But i'm tired of living just because i was born. I can't wait to die.
But i'm tired of living for her. I will never see the point in living in this world. I'm sick of living as myself everyday just for other people.
It doesn't matter if you are the most deserving, most loving, most caring person in the world. If you are not in a healthy space to raise a child (financially, emotionally, physically,) YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE THEM.
Others opinions may differ, but i do not see the point of having children if you are just going to work your life away to support it, be unavailable emotionally because you need to work all day, and be miserable as you work because you 'have to' do that to be a good parent.
Create happiness for yourself, instead of giving life to someone who has no say and try to make them happy by giving them everything you think they need. Focus on yourself and what you need first. Then consider is you can have children.
And then people say 'well, she got pregnant, so she had to raise you!' She should have had an abortion. It infuriates me that she didn't. (It is legal here).
Because she was selfish. She wanted to have a child so badly that she only thought about how having a child would make HER feel instead of considering if she was fit to be a mother. Which at that time, she wasn't.
I've done great things in my life, and have worked hard for things, but i have no desire to continue living this way. I have no desire to live in this world. My mental health is so hard to deal with and i have no desire to live a life i was forced into, and that i don't like.
Yes, i'm selfish. But i'm tired of living just because i was born. I can't wait to die.
