Writing an angry suicide note

[shutdownnow]

In my current state of mind I have written an extremely hateful note toward my family, after they got me arrested by police on suicide suspicion.
Someone i talked to online forwarded them my venting.

My issues are all unsolvable physical ones so this did nothing but make me feel like a criminal for 8 hours waiting around before they told me they couldn't do anything for me and was discharged. After convincing several people I'm of no harm to myself.
I appear socially awkward and in this age men like me are treated like potential criminals thanks to the latest shootings/attacks also.

I also want to make sure I am not buried as part of their ass-backwards religious ceremony but cremated and this might be the only way to make them not give a fuck and go with my wishes.

On the other hand, they were good parents, did everything their best, i coulnd't imagine being a parent to myself...
I am lucky my supplies weren't found, and that I controlled my aggression with the police. Room wasn't searched etc.
My parents know my issues are unsolvable and not mental illness related. I don't know why they'd do this to me.
I'm also an adult older than most on this board.

I had written a compassionate, respectful note before this that I no longer think they deserve though either.

In this new one I wish they suffered the same physical symptoms as me so they know what its like.

Maybe better to leave no note at all but a request to authorities to cremate and dispose of remains is the best way to go...
Adults have a right to die, I am much older than 25, I think this was very disrespectful. Especially the shitty legal system, now having this on record.

 

[daikon]

I also want to write an angry note, but I've decided against it, just because I know it won't change their minds. Everyone I know who deserves to suffer for how they treated me will just explain away my suicide to relieve their guilt, and the ones that are compassionate enough to feel guilt don't deserve to feel guilty. Catch 22 of sorts, I guess.

I would advise against it, but as my boyfriend once told me, when you're dead you won't have to worry about how people feel about your suicide. For me, it comes down to what will make my last moments easiest for me. If knowing you left an angry note behind will soothe you, go for it.

 

[Smilla]

I would express your anger before you ctb, not in a note. Your suicide will already speak silent volumes, you don't need to memorialize your pain and theirs in a ragefull letter, which, if anything, will only serve to deligitimize your case for the right to die.

 

[shutdownnow]

Yes, I suppose I'm just glad I was able to get it out there and type it up on my soon to be destroyed hd. No need to print it.

I would feel guilty in my final moments probably. Especially since I will be doing shrooms a few hrs before, where my conscience comes out.
The experience in the ward was a great powerful reminder of why I need to do this soon, so maybe I should be thankful.

I'll just explain to them abit before hand perhaps like smilla suggested. but in a tactful way so they don't call the cops again.

Plus if i somehow survived with the "angry note".....oh boy that would be hell

 

[21Neberg]

Plus if i somehow survived with the "angry note".....oh boy that would be hell

You could write your note as an e-mail and use a service to have the e-mail be sent after your CTB. That way, if you fail, you can cancel the e-mail and you don't have to worry about anyone reading it. And if you do succeed, the e-mail will be sent automatically.

 

[JustAboutDone]

There are few things more likely to inspire that severe absolute poker hot rage than injustice and being deprived of your liberty because of the former and, for some reason, that's how suicidal people get treated. All is does is make you feel a deep, burning anger.

I agree with @Smilla; leaving anything written in anger can just worsen a situation. If you want to say something, try your best to say it calmly and rationally. Vent here as much as you like xxxxx

 

[shutdownnow]

You could write your note as an e-mail and use a service to have the e-mail be sent after your CTB. That way, if you fail, you can cancel the e-mail and you don't have to worry about anyone reading it. And if you do succeed, the e-mail will be sent automatically.

That's exactly what got me into this mess in the first place. I fucked up on the reschedule of a timed email to someone. They contacted my parents...and ended up here.
So I kinda don't wanna run that risk again.
She may even be reading this post so I should be careful. Former sanctioner herself and now a pro-lifer

Was very strange to be held just on the words of an email that I claimed I wrote at a dark period a year ago and forgot to cancel.

I had a friend that attempted and ended up at the same place, but he actually was passed out and needed the hospital for recovery

I know this whole thing is my own stupid fault, I'm becoming a boomer with tech and its showing.

 

[ReadyasEver]

There are few things more likely to inspire that severe absolute poker hot rage than injustice and being deprived of your liberty because of the former and, for some reason, that's how suicidal people get treated. All is does is make you feel a deep, burning anger.

I agree with @Smilla; leaving anything written in anger can just worsen a situation. If you want to say something, try your best to say it calmly and rationally. Vent here as much as you like xxxxx

It is extremely hard to express yourself verbally or written when you are going through such a distressing situation. I agree, vent and let those emotions out in some manner. I know I do this, afterwards I experience a little calmness and clarity. That's the time to write. Difficult, absolutely it is, but it works for me. It might not be possible for you, but maybe worth a shot.

 

[21Neberg]

That's exactly what got me into this mess in the first place. I fucked up on the reschedule of a timed email to someone. They contacted my parents...and ended up here.
So I kinda don't wanna run that risk again.
She may even be reading this post so I should be careful. Former sanctioner herself and now a pro-lifer

Was very strange to be held just on the words of an email that I claimed I wrote at a dark period a year ago and forgot to cancel.

I had a friend that attempted and ended up at the same place, but he actually was passed out and needed the hospital for recovery

I know this whole thing is my own stupid fault, I'm becoming a boomer with tech and its showing.

I'm sorry, I didn't know. Maybe you could record a video and leave it on your computer for them to find after your death? (If they don't look on your computer while you're still alive.)

 

[TAW122]

Ouch, this situation really really sucks. I would be very enraged and perhaps even cut ties (personally) with my family if my family ever turned me in like that. I never had the best relationships with my family, only tolerable at best and not one based on 'love' or 'compassion' but out of necessity and desperation. I couldn't make it in the real world w/o their support, but yet at the same time they treated me like shit for most of my life.

Anyways, as far as writing a angry note, like @Smilla said, it would probably do more harm than good. In fact, I think having no note might even be better than an angry one (at the least, they have nothing to use against you). I have days where I am just thinking of letting a bloody mess of corpse (my body) explain it as well as the circumstances and events that led up to it. That would already speak for itself. I may have some kinder notes for the people who have been nice to me IRL though.

As far as delayed emails and what not. I thought about doing that, but given my method (firearm) being instantaneous or near instantaneous, I might even not write an email and just have an electronic document on my computer or piece of paper written (hand written) so that way I could always be in control of the situation if things go awry. I am not leaving ANYTHING to chance for myself. Just curious though, what is your method if I may ask?

 

[shutdownnow]

N, I wish i could get firearms here easily. definitely no chance of that now with this mental health police detainment on my record, application would definitely be rejected.
N seems too slow and requires too much planning (antienemetics), by the time you are ready for it you psych yourself out, plus the risk of vomiting due to pussying out. It's not instantaneous either.

Having moments of temporary recklessness throughout my life, firearms seems better.

I'm disappointed all my years of raving and careless drug mixtures,blackouts in the past didn't cause me to die like so many have at those events. I guess I quit right before the fent crisis in my country/city of 2016-2017 *sigh*

 

[OnlyMercy]

I would say leave the suicide note unedited in the "angry" form. Fuck these people.

The words written may appear harsh on reflection but they were nevertheless your truest expression in the "heat of the moment".

To edit the suicide note for "cleanliness" would be to undermine your emotions and unnecessarily mitigate your speech.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

The anger is understandable, but it's better to settle it out loud as opposed to a suicide note. How would you feel if someone you loved kill themselves and then they blamed you for it? If they wrote an angry note directed at you?

 

[JustAboutDone]

The thing about ctb is that you get to 'own it'
if that makes any sense? You get to choose the time, place, method so I would do any talking you want to do with your family and friends - or not. It's your choice, but try and leave the anger out of your legacy note. You want to be in the frame of mind of your choosing for your own ctb. This is your time. Wishing you luck and love xx