Would you write a final letter and blame someone for your ctb

[Time to fly]

I had a friend who wrote a goodbye note and blamed his girlfriend for his ctb as she split up with him...I thought this was so wrong, it annoyed me more than his ctb, I could understand that and was happy he was pain free, but not the blame he applied to her...just wondering what others opinions are on this

 

[degeneratewaste]

I would never do this. at all. no one deserves to feel guilt for the rest of their life for a suicide, in my personal opinion.

 

[chrisbate7]

Seems to me to be quite evil to put the blame on someone else. Exceptions would be to blame a rapist or someone of that ilk

 

[Time to fly]

I actually lost all respect for him for doing that...the ctb I understand, but the blame was just nasty... actually put stuff about her and her children totally sick...

 

[Life_and_Death]

id pay someone to put it on the front page of the paper for me. of course these are the people who everyone adored while they hurt me in every way possible. it only seems fitting that the town sees who they really are.

(from my understanding) just over a break up no. but im talking about people that really fucked me over.

 

[Lilacmoon]

suicide should always be someone's own decision... not something used to blame others.
it's hard to empathize.

 

[sadworld]

I would never blame anyone for that. Words are horrible deadly weapons.

 

[botanormal]

I imagine hearing someone close to you decided to ctb is difficult to process, but to then hear you have been blamed by that person must be a horrible feeling. I'm sure anyone who chooses to ctb must experience a lot of pain leading up to it, however to choose to inflict further pain onto someone else I don't think there is much of an excuse for.

Although, if someone treats you in the worst way possible with full intentions behind it, I wonder if that would change anyone's perspective on whether or not it was okay to blame them? Maybe it was a similar situation for your friend, so it's hard to understand completely and judge the situation fairly.

There are a few people I think contributed to my pain in life, but I could never blame them in a note when I ctb. It would be tough to explain myself and my reasonings properly, and they would never get the opportunity to talk to me about it. As I'd be dead, all of the emotional burden would be on the one I blamed, which seems like a heavy load to carry. To leave that with someone, I think they'd have to be a pretty abhorrent person for it to seem justifiable, but that's just my opinion.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

In my opinion, that friend that blamed his ex, he was using suicide more as an excuse to get a special privilege.
I won't be writing CTB letters to anyone, but damn, are people cruel at times... Reminds me so much of a case I had too not too long ago.
Blaming... I don't know, unless the person that is blamed is a rapist and a psycho murderer, otherwise, blaming isn't really worth it imo.

 

[Time to fly]

I imagine hearing someone close to you decided to ctb is difficult to process, but to then hear you have been blamed by that person must be a horrible feeling. I'm sure anyone who chooses to ctb must experience a lot of pain leading up to it, however to choose to inflict further pain onto someone else I don't think there is much of an excuse for.

Although, if someone treats you in the worst way possible with full intentions behind it, I wonder if that would change anyone's perspective on whether or not it was okay to blame them? Maybe it was a similar situation for your friend, so it's hard to understand completely and judge the situation fairly.

There are a few people I think contributed to my pain in life, but I could never blame them in a note when I ctb. It would be tough to explain myself and my reasonings properly, and they would never get the opportunity to talk to me about it. As I'd be dead, all of the emotional burden would be on the one I blamed, which seems like a heavy load to carry. To leave that with someone, I think they'd have to be pretty abhorrent of a person for it to seem justifiable, but that's just my opinion.

I can understand him being hurt but to rip her apart with what he said and also to tell her what he thought of her children was just the lowest thing to do...he sent us all a delayed email, but decided to Bcc us all the same email so she, her parents, his parents and a few friends all got to read it was low...he didn't hold back I can tell you...I know he was depressed but it actually made me sick that I was his friend after that...sorry for rant it's just been a tough day and it has put my own ctb as a priority now

 

[botanormal]

I can understand him being hurt but to rip her apart with what he said and also to tell her what he thought of her children was just the lowest thing to do...he sent us all a delayed email, but decided to Bcc us all the same email so she, her parents, his parents and a few friends all got to read it was low...he didn't hold back I can tell you...I know he was depressed but it actually made me sick that I was his friend after that...sorry for rant it's just been a tough day and it has put my own ctb as a priority now

From what you're describing, it definitely doesn't seem justifiable. Targeting her children as well seems like it was done out of pure spite rather than feeling a desire to be heard, and to go about it all in such a way is pretty inexcusable, no matter where his head was at. I'm sorry you had to read such heartbreaking things - coming from a friend no less, it must've been very shocking. Sometimes it's hard to know how a person is thinking until something drastic like this happens. Wishing you all the best.

 

[Time to fly]

From what you're describing, it definitely doesn't seem justifiable. Targeting her children as well seems like it was done out of pure spite rather than feeling a desire to be heard, and to go about it all in such a way is pretty inexcusable, no matter where his head was at. I'm sorry you had to read such heartbreaking things - coming from a friend no less, it must've been very shocking. Sometimes it's hard to know how a person is thinking until something drastic like this happens. Wishing you all the best.

I am fine well kind of, just ashamed that I called him a friend...I supported him through his ctb after everyone turned there back on him...now I just feel sick he could do this...I think allowing us all to see what he said to us all was the sickest part...

 

[botanormal]

I am fine well kind of, just ashamed that I called him a friend...I supported him through his ctb after everyone turned there back on him...now I just feel sick he could do this...I think allowing us all to see what he said to us all was the sickest part...

I hope, although his final act was spiteful and with bad intent, that it was just a single selfish moment carried out by a desperate individual. It feels like an unforgivable act, but it doesn't undo all the time and effort you put into being a good friend. I'd like to think that despite everything, your support meant a lot to him and the fact that he chose to do this doesn't change that. I can completely understand how you're feeling though, this isn't something anybody should have to go through.

 

[Time to fly]

We had a good last few days, I knew he was planning something but had no idea it would be this, I knew he was leaving all his money and possessions to a cat charity (he hated cats) and that's what I thought it was gonna be...I don't mind a lot of what he said but the hardest to read was telling her he hated her 10yr old daughter and explaining how much he enjoyed her being upset at certain things...plain sick...I will remember the good times at some point but right now am ashamed to say he was a friend...sorry will stop the rant..it's not for here

 

[botanormal]

We had a good last few days, I knew he was planning something but had no idea it would be this, I knew he was leaving all his money and possessions to a cat charity (he hated cats) and that's what I thought it was gonna be...I don't mind a lot of what he said but the hardest to read was telling her he hated her 10yr old daughter and explaining how much he enjoyed her being upset at certain things...plain sick...I will remember the good times at some point but right now am ashamed to say he was a friend...sorry will stop the rant..it's not for here

You have every right to feel that way. I'm sure it was downright horrifying reading the disturbing stuff he wrote about, especially because of how personal it all seems like it was. Nobody is ever really prepared for a situation like that, so whatever way you choose to grieve is completely valid and understandable, please feel free to talk about it however much you want. If you ever want someone to listen, you can always PM me too. I'm wishing you all the best.

 

[Time to fly]

You have every right to feel that way. I'm sure it was downright horrifying reading the disturbing stuff he wrote about, especially because of how personal it all seems like it was. Nobody is ever really prepared for a situation like that, so whatever way you choose to grieve is completely valid and understandable, please feel free to talk about it however much you want. If you ever want someone to listen, you can always PM me too. I'm wishing you all the best.

Thank you...you have a very understanding way about you appreciate it...*virtual hug*

 

[Lupgevif]

I considered it, but I won't.

 

[Time to fly]

I considered it, but I won't.

I will not write any notes for my CTB...better to go with silence than try and hurt anyone more than you have already..

 

[LastFlowers]

I would never do this. at all. no one deserves to feel guilt for the rest of their life for a suicide, in my personal opinion.

I know some people who do. But often the ones that should...simply don't.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'd try to only blame myself and remove as much doubt as possible that it would be due to anyone else. I know I probably can't avoid that entirely though.

 

[Lupgevif]

I will not write any notes for my CTB...better to go with silence than try and hurt anyone more than you have already..

Well, I will write a note, but I won't mention anyone. If someone feels guilty, it's not my fault they lack reading comprehension.

 

[Lordsudbury]

My note is at this point a 60 page essay about the nature of man. I could see how some chapters might look like they point blame to my ex and some other people, but I spend more time discussing the collapse of my ego rather than put any actual blame on them. And multiple chapters implying my own sense of failure and individualism to try to relieve any guilt. Obviously my ex was a big part of my life so her involvement is evident no matter what, but I try to spend as much time as I could directing focus to my own destruction based on my own choices.

 

[Time to fly]

My note is at this point a 60 page essay about the nature of man. I could see how some chapters might look like they point blame to my ex and some other people, but I spend more time discussing the collapse of my ego rather than put any actual blame on them. And multiple chapters implying my own sense of failure and individualism to try to relieve any guilt. Obviously my ex was a big part of my life so her involvement is evident no matter what, but I try to spend as much time as I could directing focus to my own destruction based on my own choices.

That is a great answer, sorry not trying to be condescending but that is an amazing way to put your thoughts

 

[Lordsudbury]

That is a great answer, sorry not trying to be condescending but that is an amazing way to put your thoughts

Really....thanks....

I still don't think it resolves me from any guilt of putting people in period, but that's where the story starts so how can I not. The best I can do is write as many chapters saying that this is all on ME and not her or my mom or any 3rd party....

No doubt all of these people will cry and have to talk to their therapists about it anyways but I can only hope their support systems will then help them to resolve any guilt they feel. Which hopefully is none but anyone close to you will suffer from survivor guilt either way so the best you can do is try to put it as lightly as possible.

I think it's better to write a bit about the ppl who you will expect will suffer the most rather than have them wondering their whole life. Cuz they're gonna go thru it either way

 

[Time to fly]

Really....thanks....

I still don't think it resolves me from any guilt of putting people in period, but that's where the story starts so how can I not. The best I can do is write as many chapters saying that this is all on ME and not her or my mom or any 3rd party....

No doubt all of these people will cry and have to talk to their therapists about it anyways but I can only hope their support systems will then help them to resolve any guilt they feel. Which hopefully is none but anyone close to you will suffer from survivor guilt either way so the best you can do is try to put it as lightly as possible.

I think it's better to write a bit about the ppl who you will expect will suffer the most rather than have them wondering their whole life. Cuz they're gonna go thru it either way

Am actually really touched by what you have said, I did write notes on one of my many failed attempts and people held it against me, still do...so my next hopefully successful attempt I want to stay silent, if I did change my mind it would be a simple " I'm sorry, I loved you all" but so amazed at your preparation and consideration for people

 

[Huntfish34]

Hmm.. I've thought about blaming / pointing fingers at others. But I'm really not sure if I will write a note at all.. May Just kinda fade away into the darkness. Depends on my mindset at that moment in time I suppose. -

 

[Time to fly]

Hmm.. I've thought about blaming / pointing fingers at others. But I'm really not sure if I will write a note at all.. May Just kinda fade away into the darkness. Depends on my mindset at that moment in time I suppose. -

Same for me I want to go and not say anything really...I will be forgotten in a few weeks anyway

 

[Weary Soul]

No.

My ex did cause my permanent brain injuries and others have hurt me in unbelievable ways, but, I am not perfect, I have hurt people too (although not to the extent I was damaged).

I feel as though if I were to write a letter like that, it would make me just like him, ie, leaving a legacy of pain in my wake.

I am not sure that he actually feels pain. I suspect he is a sociopath; however, that is not who I am or who I ever want to be. And ultimately, this is my choice, no one else's - so the only person to blame is me.

I want to move on without regret, anger, hate, etc. I want to go with peace in my heart if I can.

 

[Huntfish34]

Yeah,. I feel you on that for sure.. But you lost me on the last part honestly. Granted I feel the same on a General basis but ya never Know.. Who you might have Truly touched or made an impact on through out you're life .

You seem to me,. Quite the genuine and caring person. I think ( with some, maybe not all). You will be remembered for a lifetime.

 

[Time to fly]

No.

My ex did cause my permanent brain injuries and others have hurt me in unbelievable ways, but, I am not perfect, I have hurt people too (although not to the extent I was damaged).

I feel as though if I were to write a letter like that, it would make me just like him, ie, leaving a legacy of pain in my wake.

I am not sure that he actually feels pain. I suspect he is a sociopath; however, that is not who I am or who I ever want to be. And ultimately, this is my choice, no one else's - so the only person to blame is me.

I want to move on without regret, anger, hate, etc. I want to go with peace in my heart if I can.

Sorry to hear what you have gone through but nice to hear you are grown up and adult enough to move on with dignity

Yeah,. I feel you on that for sure.. But you lost me on the last part honestly. Granted I feel the same on a General basis but ya never Know.. Who you might have Truly touched or made an impact on through out you're life .

You seem to me,. Quite the genuine and caring person. I think ( with some, maybe not all). You will be remembered for a lifetime. ❤

Thank you for the kind words, I am nothing special at all, online I can be open and honest...in real life I try and do the same but am terribly shy and hate social situations so tend to stay quiet..take ages to feel comfortable to speak to people...I really do know that people will forget me instantly and am ok with that...