Discussion Would you want your ‘loved ones’ to read your comments on here or in pm?

[Lostnotfound]

I think I would. I think I would want them to know what I am going through and that I found support here.

 

[CuddleHug]

Absolutely not. It would not help them at all, and they'd blame themselves for not noticing how I've been feeling for the past 15 years or so. I haven't talked that much about it here, but definitely enough to make them feel bad. I don't want that.

 

[highlyvolatile]

Yes and no. There are certain things on here i'd be willing to let them read so they could see where my mind was at that time. But also no because i know it would add onto their hurt more.

 

[Lostnotfound]

I just remember reading about Shawn Shatto and her family said she didnt really want to die, she wasnt suffering etc etc etc so they had a really deluded impression of her. I also know the 'loved ones' say why why why and cant close the door because they dont know, they dont understand it. Maybe in these cases it could have helped but I understand your view point. I guess its individual.

I guess that 'loved ones' could come on and read public comments - you would like to think they would recognise circumstances and people etc

 

[keiichidono]

My mom would misunderstand why I came here and why I feel this way. She would regret not beating the love of Jesus into me and try to get this website shut down so no, I don't want any "loved" ones to find out about my life.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

No. It's none of their business. If they want to know how I really feel then they should have the courage to listen.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Definitely no. But it's a very personal issue.

 

[Lostnotfound]

No. It's none of their business. If they want to know how I really feel then they should have the courage to listen.

That sounds a little belligerent. I guess that's a part of the reason I would want them to read it - because they should bloody well be asking!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That sounds a little belligerent. I guess that's a part of the reason I would want them to read it - because they should bloody well be asking!

It is honest. If they won't listen IRL why should they be able to see what I post on here? So that they can understand? What gives them that right if they won't listen when I try to talk to them?

 

[DaFloof]

Honestly, I wouldn't care or mind; not even if they could get at the chat room's entire history, or my Telegram history, or my phone's text messages. If I caught the bus, they probably wouldn't be at all surprised. My feelings and problems have been long known, and by now, it's unlikely anything would surprise them.

Also: I'd be gone, so I certainly wouldn't be in a position to have an opinion one way or the other :P

 

[Lostnotfound]

It is honest. If they won't listen IRL why should they be able to see what I post on here? So that they can understand? What gives them that right if they won't listen when I try to talk to them?

What gives them the right to stand at your graveside crying and giving it woe is me when they didnt do something when they had the chance - they have no right but they will do it. Reading what I'm going through, might stop their self pity and stop others feeding into their egos which is half the problem in the first place. But thats my story ...

 

[1DayItWillBover]

sort of ya.. coworkers ya of course.

That guy you..

always asked for help
did his job and stayed to himself
seemed normal..

was actually very depressed and life was to much for him.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I haven't said anything here I would be embarrassed or ashamed of. I haven't shared anything intimate that I wouldn't want them or anyone else irl to know, let alone with a bunch of people I don't personally know, no offense dear community. My parents would read things here about themselves they wouldn't like, and they'd see responses outside of their own self-validating perspectives.

I opted not to send them a letter because they don't hear me when I speak, they hear their own interpretations. But I did leave a letter for them here in the unlikely event they come looking. If they come looking, then they're more likely to hear. They've certainly never asked irl, only denied, reframed, and negated when I bring things up.

I'm sad that they're going to be hurt by my death, and I love them, but there is nothing salvageable between us as long as they aren't willing to admit fault and do the hard work of reconciliation. That hasn't happened in 48 years, and I've abandoned any slot machine hopes that it will. Only once did my mother admit she "might have brought some of that" to me when I pointed out the domestic violence she grew up with, but there was no apology and no further discussion. My father only ever said she had "every right to hit" me and that "it wasn't that bad."

I have compassion for them, but I'm not going to own their responses to my death when they don't even own their own actions, or place any value on or accept as valid my feelings, opinions, and lived experience. Maybe if they come here to eavesdrop, just as my mother used to go through my things, they'll get a clue too late. That's sad, but better late than never if the truth has any chance to make a positive impact. In my letter I encouraged self-forgiveness along with self-awareness. I've done my very best toward them and my conscience is clear. What's left is up to them to deal with, and I wish for them that they have the capacity to cope and to heal.

I never undermined their support system when they publicly lied for years that we still have a relationship after they shunned me for asking them to take responsibility for the abuse, so they can now rely on that support to help them get through what I know is going to be very hard in spite of their having turned me away. They moved on from me; I have the right to move on from life with far less consideration than I've shown them here on this forum. It doesn't feel good, but it feels right.

Years after the estrangement, one last time I reached out and asked for help, out of desperation and against my better judgment. My father said, "What do you want us to do about it? There's nothing more we can do." I had asked for protection in a vulnerable situation not of my making and had no one else to turn to. I did not stop to think he had never protected me before from my mother or others, I just saw the slot machine, invested my pride, and hoped that it would for once pay off. That last time, as in the past, he had the power to step in and protect me, and did not.

Now, there is nothing more I can, or rather, should do. It is too draining of my inner resources to live solely in order to protect them from the aftermath of my death, and such protection has certainly never been reciprocal. I will not live for someone who doesn't take part in my life, support me, accept me, or demonstrate their love. And I'm not ashamed for them to know this if they're unwise enough to yet again invade the boundaries of my intimate life in order to discover the truth, when all they ever had to do was to listen and to ask. If they read my letter and take it to heart, they can still at least salvage something. But they will never know why I died. That stays inside me. I've left no information here or anywhere else.

 

[Lostnotfound]

I haven't said anything here I would be embarrassed or ashamed of. I haven't shared anything intimate that I wouldn't want them or anyone else irl to know, let alone with a bunch of people I don't personally know, no offense dear community. My parents would read things here about themselves they wouldn't like, and they'd see responses outside of their own self-validating perspectives.

I opted not to send them a letter because they don't hear me when I speak, they hear their own interpretations. But I did leave a letter for them here in the unlikely event they come looking. If they come looking, then they're more likely to hear. They've certainly never asked irl, only denied, reframed, and negated when I bring things up.

I'm sad that they're going to be hurt by my death, and I love them, but there is nothing salvageable between us as long as they aren't willing to admit fault and do the hard work of reconciliation. That hasn't happened in 48 years, and I've abandoned any slot machine hopes that it will. Only once did my mother admit she "might have brought some of that" to me when I pointed out the domestic violence she grew up with, but there was no apology and no further discussion. My father only ever said she had "every right to hit" me and that "it wasn't that bad."

I have compassion for them, but I'm not going to own their responses to my death when they don't even own their own actions, or place any value on or accept as valid my feelings, opinions, and lived experience. Maybe if they come here to eavesdrop, just as my mother used to go through my things, they'll get a clue too late. That's sad, but better late than never if the truth has any chance to make a positive impact. In my letter I encouraged self-forgiveness along with self-awareness. I've done my very best toward them and my conscience is clear. What's left is up to them to deal with, and I wish for them that they have the capacity to cope and to heal.

I never undermined their support system when they publicly lied for years that we still have a relationship after they shunned me for asking them to take responsibility for the abuse, so they can now rely on that support to help them get through what I know is going to be very hard in spite of their having turned me away. They moved on from me; I have the right to move on from life with far less consideration than I've shown them here on this forum. It doesn't feel good, but it feels right.

Years after the estrangement, one last time I reached out and asked for help, out of desperation and against my better judgment. My father said, "What do you want us to do about it? There's nothing more we can do." I had asked for protection in a vulnerable situation not of my making and had no one else to turn to. I did not stop to think he had never protected me before from my mother or others, I just saw the slot machine, invested my pride, and hoped that it would for once pay off. That last time, as in the past, he had the power to step in and protect me, and did not.

Now, there is nothing more I can, or rather, should do. It is too draining of my inner resources to live solely in order to protect them from the aftermath of my death, and such protection has certainly never been reciprocal. I will not live for someone who doesn't take part in my life, support me, accept me, or demonstrate their love. And I'm not ashamed for them to know this if they're unwise enough to yet again invade the boundaries of my intimate life in order to discover the truth when all they ever had to do was to listen and to ask. If they read my letter and take it to heart, they can still at least salvage something.

Fantastic response and a lot of what I can resonate with. Well done to you for being who you are x

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I haven't said anything here I would be embarrassed or ashamed of. I haven't shared anything intimate that I wouldn't want them or anyone else irl to know, let alone with a bunch of people I don't personally know, no offense dear community. My parents would read things here about themselves they wouldn't like, and they'd see responses outside of their own self-validating perspectives.

I opted not to send them a letter because they don't hear me when I speak, they hear their own interpretations. But I did leave a letter for them here in the unlikely event they come looking. If they come looking, then they're more likely to hear. They've certainly never asked irl, only denied, reframed, and negated when I bring things up.

I'm sad that they're going to be hurt by my death, and I love them, but there is nothing salvageable between us as long as they aren't willing to admit fault and do the hard work of reconciliation. That hasn't happened in 48 years, and I've abandoned any slot machine hopes that it will. Only once did my mother admit she "might have brought some of that" to me when I pointed out the domestic violence she grew up with, but there was no apology and no further discussion. My father only ever said she had "every right to hit" me and that "it wasn't that bad."

I have compassion for them, but I'm not going to own their responses to my death when they don't even own their own actions, or place any value on or accept as valid my feelings, opinions, and lived experience. Maybe if they come here to eavesdrop, just as my mother used to go through my things, they'll get a clue too late. That's sad, but better late than never if the truth has any chance to make a positive impact. In my letter I encouraged self-forgiveness along with self-awareness. I've done my very best toward them and my conscience is clear. What's left is up to them to deal with, and I wish for them that they have the capacity to cope and to heal.

I never undermined their support system when they publicly lied for years that we still have a relationship after they shunned me for asking them to take responsibility for the abuse, so they can now rely on that support to help them get through what I know is going to be very hard in spite of their having turned me away. They moved on from me; I have the right to move on from life with far less consideration than I've shown them here on this forum. It doesn't feel good, but it feels right.

Years after the estrangement, one last time I reached out and asked for help, out of desperation and against my better judgment. My father said, "What do you want us to do about it? There's nothing more we can do." I had asked for protection in a vulnerable situation not of my making and had no one else to turn to. I did not stop to think he had never protected me before from my mother or others, I just saw the slot machine, invested my pride, and hoped that it would for once pay off. That last time, as in the past, he had the power to step in and protect me, and did not.

Now, there is nothing more I can, or rather, should do. It is too draining of my inner resources to live solely in order to protect them from the aftermath of my death, and such protection has certainly never been reciprocal. I will not live for someone who doesn't take part in my life, support me, accept me, or demonstrate their love. And I'm not ashamed for them to know this if they're unwise enough to yet again invade the boundaries of my intimate life in order to discover the truth when all they ever had to do was to listen and to ask. If they read my letter and take it to heart, they can still at least salvage something.

I hear you and well said

Different circumstances for me but similar feelings. I love my brother and sister but if I hear 'What do you want me to do about it?' one more time...
When it all goes south my last words will most likely be 'What do you want me to do about it?'

Tbh this is the first time I've even considered them reading any of this. I've no wish to hurt them, but I've only ever been honest on here. If they read it they may see my true colours. It makes me sad and angry that I can't talk to them about the things that now define me.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I hear you and well said

Different circumstances for me but similar feelings. I love my brother and sister but if I hear 'What do you want me to do about it?' one more time...
When it all goes south my last words will most likely be 'What do you want me to do about it?'

Tbh this is the first time I've even considered them reading any of this. I've no wish to hurt them, but I've only ever been honest on here. If they read it they may see my true colours. It makes me sad and angry that I can't talk to them about the things that now define me.

I feel you, bro.

 

[AlreadyGone]

No. If I need them to know what I am going through, I would just tell them.

 

[Stardust1984]

If I was gone it wouldn't bother me having anyone reading what I have wrote/asked but while I am still here I would rather them not knowing

 

[Mr2005]

I wouldn't mind. I think she'd see I'm far more caring than she thinks I am

 

[waterbottleman]

sort of ya.. coworkers ya of course.

That guy you..

always asked for help
did his job and stayed to himself
seemed normal..

was actually very depressed and life was to much for him.

Holy shit do I relate to this.

I have always been the quiet but reliable person in both school and at work. I was the guy who people would ask help from, ask questions, ask me to help them with stuff, etc. But no one actually cared about me or showed any interest in me as a person.

Ive always just been a tool for people not a person.

Geez just writing this makes me depressed. I really need to start boxing up my stuff so I can ctb.

 

[rntmss]

I think so. It would help them understand that even though I had my personal problems... I was always a good soul and well intentioned.

 

[Dear Flabby]

I feel you, bro.

Same circumstances, but my sibling won't even look for clues. He scattered my ashes a decade before my death.
His wife "diagnosed" me, and worried that they might someday have to care.
About me. For me.
Whatever.
As our Mum drew her last breath, (legal CTB), I had no idea that it was the last time that I would see my brother.

 

[mesohappy]

I don't really care anymore what they see or read.Me and my family have been estranged for several years.Maybe it would give them a glimpse as to who I became or was.Maybe they would be disgusted by it.Maybe comforted by my last words.I don't know...I don't think too many people will do too much digging on me.

If /when I blast outta here I will have gave it my best shot..Thought things through,tried to prepare and think of others,and what comes next.I of course know Ill still be judged and smut cast on my name.But Im at the point of "fuck it".What is it all about? Its my life.Good and bad,thick and thin..If Im being selfish,thats okay.Living is selfish too.Its all selfish.

 

[s1mplem3]

I just want to have loved ones.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I don't mind if they do.

 

[RottenDeer]

I wouldn't want them to see it. My thoughts are something I only want to share with people who are here for the same reason.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

my husband made an account to stalk me, I called him out on it here once, he didn't give a shit, whether he still looks I don't know, nor do I give a shit,

 

[terry_a_davis]

No it would upset them.

 

[RM5998]

I'm unsure.

I don't know if my words even get through to them IRL. It's like we're always talking past each other even in the most trivial conversations. I don't have friends and family members that I can actually talk to. So leaving this behind just seems like another way for them to misconstrue my words, and I don't want to give them the chance to use this against people they don't know and don't want to know.

But then again, I feel like I owe them this. A way to try and comprehend how my mind has been working over these past few years. So on the off-chance that there's someone there willing to read through this, they have a shot, at least, of finding some closure on their own, because I don't think I can write a note that gives it to them. Despite the fact that I owe them this much.

Sometimes I think that there's no one who actually cares for me, and it's my ego inflating my self-worth. And sometimes I feel guilty that I'm going to leave certain people without a goodbye, even if they don't even look at me for a second in one day.

Sorry if that made no sense... Words are especially hard for me right now, but I needed to get them out.

 

[TAW122]

While I may wish for others to "understand" me for real (not what they "think" they know but actually the "true" truth), I simply cannot risk it and would not want others to misunderstand me. Therefore, I'm using this site for people (like-minded individuals like us) who understand me (most of us here I assume) and then sending my delayed emails and letters to the people IRL. I believe it's better for the people IRL to not know of this site for the obvious reasons mentioned (including the Shawn Shatto case). I believe that if anything, most people IRL have no idea, nor the capacity (or even willing) to fully understand our reasoning here.