When i confess to her.. but yeah in general i did every possible chooise wrong but withoud bad intention, and lot of bad things happened too like my father threatened her
I was hikikomori before she wanted to help me with her brother to go out of this condition
We started to have problems like more then 1 year ago.. but still try to go further
She know i want to ctb,.so she called today even if she see my like a stalker or something.. but its pointless we could never be togheter after all of this
I sorta understand. I had someone that was really important to me. They tried to help and listen to my struggles. When I confessed, it got awkward and never could go back to before.
But what I realized is why was that person really important to me..why were they that special. I think more than their personality, it was that they were there at the right time. They were the first one to show up when I was struggling. I think it's possible for u, bc she was there at the right time..she's probably the first person who reached out when u were a hikikimori, maybe that's why she is so important. It's like the memory of the start made u feel so eager to want it back. But it's a memory. The current her can't be special bc now she gives u so much misery to the point u want to ctb.
U deserve more. You deserve someone who u reciprocates ur feelings and makes u feel secure in the relationship.
I don't know exactly what choices u made but honestly this can be a learning lesson for ur next relationship. If u hold onto this/close urself, you'll miss out on meeting someone who can understand you and appreciate you fully.