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natali4

natali4

Student
May 24, 2021
147
I have always suffered from anxiety and depression but last 5 years have pushed me over the edge. I moved to a new place and met people who wronged me in ways that left me paralyzed with depression and anxiety. They ruined my life and now all I want to do is CTB. I have half a mind of writing letters to let the world know how these people treated me. It just feels so unfair that they get to live there best life after destroying mine. What do you guys think? Would you consider recording your feelings before ctb? Or is it just a waste?
 
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C

CommitSudoku

never interfere with a lifespan reaping
Feb 12, 2022
524
I haven't been wronged in such a way that I'd want to record it honestly, and I feel that it would tarnish my passing for myself by doing so (like the moments leading up to it, and contemplating how things will go afterwards). Also I've learned to forget more and just not retain memories so I honestly don't even remember things or hold grudges as much as I used to. In the end, I think the people who have hurt me the most are those I care about, and they most likely didn't mean to. I try not to hold things against them and letting myself forget helps there too. If someone had more obviously wronged me who I didn't have such connections to, I don't know, but I don't think I ever would. I've never been inclined to be very angry, just sad. I'd rather leave on a good note if possible as well. It feels more peaceful than leaving resentful.

But I'm not in your position nor do I know how bad what they did to you was. I've read before where people say they regret not doing more when those who hurt them go on to hurt others. So perhaps they should be called out for what they've done. But if you only do so in a note, then you don't really reap any benefits that might come about following that, and you might just impact how you feel before leaving. But if it brings you peace that's something to consider as well. So I'd say if it's useful for you to write about, then go for it, or if you think it could help anyone else then it's probably also worth it. But if you're gone they might not be able to back up any of your claims since you can no longer testify. In the end it's your notes/letters, so do what you feel is best for you, or what will bring you peace. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.
 
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yeh it's all gucci

yeh it's all gucci

I only care about cats eating corn on the cob.
Mar 4, 2022
171
I feel like it would be better to just go quietly and not make a fuss. If they were that bad, then they themselves will know it, and probably live with the guilt anyway.
You can rest peacefully where they can't affect you anymore.
 
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natali4

natali4

Student
May 24, 2021
147
I haven't been wronged in such a way that I'd want to record it honestly, and I feel that it would tarnish my passing for myself by doing so (like the moments leading up to it, and contemplating how things will go afterwards). Also I've learned to forget more and just not retain memories so I honestly don't even remember things or hold grudges as much as I used to. In the end, I think the people who have hurt me the most are those I care about, and they most likely didn't mean to. I try not to hold things against them and letting myself forget helps there too. If someone had more obviously wronged me who I didn't have such connections to, I don't know, but I don't think I ever would. I've never been inclined to be very angry, just sad. I'd rather leave on a good note if possible as well. It feels more peaceful than leaving resentful.

But I'm not in your position nor do I know how bad what they did to you was. I've read before where people say they regret not doing more when those who hurt them go on to hurt others. So perhaps they should be called out for what they've done. But if you only do so in a note, then you don't really reap any benefits that might come about following that, and you might just impact how you feel before leaving. But if it brings you peace that's something to consider as well. So I'd say if it's useful for you to write about, then go for it, or if you think it could help anyone else then it's probably also worth it. But if you're gone they might not be able to back up any of your claims since you can no longer testify. In the end it's your notes/letters, so do what you feel is best for you, or what will bring you peace. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.
I agree. I don't want to be resentful, I just want to leave peacefully. I guess I just want to tell my story the right way before leaving. Thank you, this has given me perspective.
I feel like it would be better to just go quietly and not make a fuss. If they were that bad, then they themselves will know it, and probably live with the guilt anyway.
You can rest peacefully where they can't affect you anymore.
I doubt they live with guilt right now or even realize how their behavior and actions affected me. But I agree with you, there's no point making a fuss. At the end of the day I want to ctb because I want peace.
 
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Weebster

Weebster

Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
Mar 11, 2022
1,683
I'm not doing a letter. I'll just drive off one day.
 
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T

todestrieb

Member
Dec 2, 2021
48
I wrote letters at one point. All of them were encouraging and I attempted to leave peace, but one. The letter I specifically wrote for this person is very short. "I hope you get everything you deserve in life." That's my motto, and it felt fitting. I don't believe you need to tell people things about themselves, because they already know. Sometimes living with yourself is the worst punishment of all.
 
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S

SuicidallyCurious

Enlightened
Dec 20, 2020
1,715
Sounds awesome.

Even better do something like in Gran Torino
 
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its-about-time

its-about-time

nope
Mar 19, 2022
807
My fear would be that people would think I killed myself out of spite or to hurt the people who hurt me. I wouldn't want to leave that impression behind. I want people to understand that I did this of my own volition, not as revenge against anyone.

If the people who hurt you did so intentionally, who's to say they wouldn't enjoy it driving you to suicide? If they were not aware of the extent of the pain they caused you, or otherwise didn't do it out of maliciousness, then why add more hurt to the world by blaming them for your death? They will feel bad enough as it is.
 
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TheWood

TheWood

Experienced
Mar 1, 2022
216
What you want to do seems something from the series Thirteen. I think it's right to leave notes written where maybe you write what brought you to that point, but not to send them. Maybe even write several pages and leave them in the pc
 
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natali4

natali4

Student
May 24, 2021
147
I wrote letters at one point. All of them were encouraging and I attempted to leave peace, but one. The letter I specifically wrote for this person is very short. "I hope you get everything you deserve in life." That's my motto, and it felt fitting. I don't believe you need to tell people things about themselves, because they already know. Sometimes living with yourself is the worst punishment of all.
That's true. I want to say things but I feel like they probably already know, or maybe perspective is not going to matter. Basically, I don't want revenge or stir up drama once I am gone.
My fear would be that people would think I killed myself out of spite or to hurt the people who hurt me. I wouldn't want to leave that impression behind. I want people to understand that I did this of my own volition, not as revenge against anyone.

If the people who hurt you did so intentionally, who's to say they wouldn't enjoy it driving you to suicide? If they were not aware of the extent of the pain they caused you, or otherwise didn't do it out of maliciousness, then why add more hurt to the world by blaming them for your death? They will feel bad enough as it is.
I certainly don't want revenge. And I agree I don't want people to think I killed myself out of spite. I want to ctb because there's no way for me to survive in this world. And what led me to this point is a combination of a lot of things and experiences. But last few years were definitely the last straw.
 
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Burbank

Burbank

sleepyhead
Feb 12, 2019
61
I don't think i'd write a letter blaming anyone, except my molester. everyone else who feels they really did play part in my suicide can live with it themselves, i don't want to go out with some petty drama. the molester, however, should be exposed. he shouldn't be able to walk off without consequences.
 
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cyanlove

cyanlove

looking for my other half (of my skull)
Dec 23, 2021
147
I wouldn't recommend this because it may make you seem petty. Also, it would make some people get a perverse sense of accomplishment if the person was evil enough.
 
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Insomniac

Insomniac

𝔄 𝔲 𝔱 𝔦 𝔰 𝔪
May 21, 2021
1,357
I agree with @cyanlove, don't do it. It'd only disgrace you.
 
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kiuya

kiuya

Tired
Nov 16, 2021
92
If you're feeling spiteful, you could just send some letter bombs
in Minecraft, of course.
I feel that it's quite pointless to write a letter dedicated to the people you hate, you could use that paper space to send love to the people who cared about you.
 
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natali4

natali4

Student
May 24, 2021
147
If you're feeling spiteful, you could just send some letter bombs
in Minecraft, of course.
I feel that it's quite pointless to write a letter dedicated to the people you hate, you could use that paper space to send love to the people who cared about you.
I'm not spiteful. And I don't intend to leave letters only to the people who have wronged me. I will of course write to the people I love and let them know it isn't there fault. It's just calling out people for what they've done. I don't intend to send individual letters, just write and leave them behind.
 
WhiteRabbit

WhiteRabbit

I'm late, i'm late. For a very important date.
Feb 12, 2019
1,716
I doubt the letters would make people see the error of their ways, shitty people rarely blame themselves, even when called out.
 
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kiuya

kiuya

Tired
Nov 16, 2021
92
I'm not spiteful. And I don't intend to leave letters only to the people who have wronged me. I will of course write to the people I love and let them know it isn't there fault. It's just calling out people for what they've done. I don't intend to send individual letters, just write and leave them behind.
You could still use that poor tree's skin to write something 100% positive. Naming names or specific occurrences will just leave a bad taste to everyone's mouth. I get why you would want to do this, but it's not something worth to spend your energy on. I would ask to reconsider, but it's your ctb at the end of the day. You can do it if it feels right to you.
 
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natali4

natali4

Student
May 24, 2021
147
I appreciate you all. I don't want to be spiteful and I certainly don't revenge. I guess there are better ways of leaving my story behind.
 
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C

Chico56

Member
Mar 27, 2022
23
I was thinking doing the same but who the fuck cares. If they were assholes to you, they will not give a fuck about what you're thinking.
I will leave something meaningful to the people I loved.
 
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natali4

natali4

Student
May 24, 2021
147
I was thinking doing the same but who the fuck cares. If they were assholes to you, they will not give a fuck about what you're thinking.
I will leave something meaningful to the people I loved.
Yeah, if they cared and had a shred of humanity, they wouldn't have done what they did.
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
8,832
Nope. By-gones are by-gones. If I didn't deal with it back when I perceived the wrong, then it ain't worth it at a time when it should be all about just me.
 
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thedaywillcome

thedaywillcome

I will leave soon
Apr 2, 2022
358
Not anymore.
 
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onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,329
I don't think it's worth the time and effort.
 
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O

outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,845
I have always suffered from anxiety and depression but last 5 years have pushed me over the edge. I moved to a new place and met people who wronged me in ways that left me paralyzed with depression and anxiety. They ruined my life and now all I want to do is CTB. I have half a mind of writing letters to let the world know how these people treated me. It just feels so unfair that they get to live there best life after destroying mine. What do you guys think? Would you consider recording your feelings before ctb? Or is it just a waste?
No, nobody has wronged me--I had a lucky life,a great life--Only my girlfriends death has changed my life and put me into a great depression
 
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GettingOut

GettingOut

I'm not worth any tears
Aug 16, 2022
124
I'm honestly in two minds about this. People would want to know what drove me over the edge. Explaining how individuals persisted in their verbal and emotional abuse, which along with severe chronic pain and a deteriorating body became too much.

I think this would help innocent people from blaming themselves and by a long shot sober those up who are to blame so they can treat others differently. If they don't change then I've made a final attempt to make the world a better place.

The effects and perpetrators of physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse need to be called out.
 
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H

Hope:-)

Enlightened
Jul 3, 2022
1,120
I have been treated pretty poorly by some people. They will never see it. There is no point in me writing anything. Plus, I want to leave with class. The most important thing is that I get to leave. They can think what they want after that.

I am sorry to hear of the problems you are having xx
 
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Obliviate

Obliviate

Abandon All Hope
Aug 13, 2022
826
I honestly thought about writing about every horrible incident of abuse from my family in my CTB note so after I'm gone the world can know the truth and my fucked up family can't fake care about me/blame it on me/don't go spreading false shit about me. But as I started to write it, I realized that.....deadass no one gives AF. It's pointless. First of all. it's gonna be EXTREMELY long and also caused many triggering memories. The sad reality is that it won't matter writing everything down because everyone else's life will go on and you will be forgotten the next day, nothing/noone will change. My S note will be general.
 
makethepainstop

makethepainstop

Visionary
Sep 16, 2022
2,029
I have always suffered from anxiety and depression but last 5 years have pushed me over the edge. I moved to a new place and met people who wronged me in ways that left me paralyzed with depression and anxiety. They ruined my life and now all I want to do is CTB. I have half a mind of writing letters to let the world know how these people treated me. It just feels so unfair that they get to live there best life after destroying mine. What do you guys think? Would you consider recording your feelings before ctb? Or is it just a waste?
I am too mean to give them any satisfaction, they didn't give a damn about you when you were alive, so they probably could care less if you ctb. I would not allow them the pleasure of knowing how badly they had hurt me.
 
StolenLife

StolenLife

Warlock
Sep 19, 2022
740
I wouldn't do it. My family members are the only people that I'm close to, and they already know what bothered me the most. The people that were responsible probably don't even remember or even if they do, they don't care. A certain sociopathic figure in my life might even get a few kicks out of it after knowing that she caused me so much mental and emotional pain. Also I really, really don't want to be compared to that awful, cringy "Thirteen reasons why" series.
 
DetachedDreamer97

DetachedDreamer97

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2018
1,402
I may half-unintentionally expose my high school bully when I become successful with my story. Though with family, that might not be so easy... Although what I do say about them is the truth.