Would you ctb immediately if you have access to peaceful methods anytime?

[Kruger]

Not immediately, I have a bunny I don't know what to do

Rehome your pet. The only thing i cared about was my almost 19 year old pet, words cannot describe how much I loved him. Now he's gone I can't wait to go too.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

So, I voted "yes," but I don't think it's just about having access to a peaceful method. It would need to be a quick method too, where I could execute the plan with no chance of a family member finding me. Even with my current SN plan, I need to find a hotel or other place away from home, ensure my family can't find me... all that jazz... it's a bit much. If I could do something that would take me out in no time and in complete peace, then AMEN.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Hell yes. Any method don't care if it takes me out 100% put my name down now.

 

[HelloHell]

It's still available online.

Not in my country unfortunately. Believe me i tried searching for it like crazy

 

[Sael]

I've had Barbiturates since a year ago and all other med to CTB but im just not ready, although thing have gotten harder

 

[Isadeth]

I would feel comfort that a peaceful option was available to me. I wouldn't immediately ctb with it, but I would be more at peace with my decision and the fact my family would know it was painless for their own peace of mind.

 

[Kruger]

Not in my country unfortunately. Believe me i tried searching for it like crazy

You can order from other countries. I am in uk and ordered from poland

 

[xLosthopex]

I do have access to a peaceful method right now but it actually seems to be prolonging my life Like just knowing it's there whenever I need it seems to give me the strength to get through another day if that makes sense

 

[HelloHell]

You can order from other countries. I am in uk and ordered from poland

I tried but it couldn't go past customs. which site did you order it from?

 

[AbsoluteNothingness]

At first definitely, absolutely yes, without hesitation, without any doubt. It's the only thing I want (and want to want) and I would ctb immediately that's for sure, if it wasnt because i have 'parents'/'family' that will be 'devastated'/'hurt'/'sad' and 'suffer'/'cry'. Sigh. As much as i simply just dont give a damn sht about anything I cant help but 'care' about 'them' because they'd be very 'hurt' and 'affected' and blah blah. Sigh, i never asked to 'exist'/'be'|'become' anything nor be brought anywhere, i didn't ask for absolutely anything in general, I was forced into 'existence'/'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' but also 'parents'/'family' and now i have no choice but deal with the """""guilt""""" of "hurting" 'them' Sigh, what a bullshit that Im even """"""guilty"""""" for "leaving them behind", lol. I never asked for any type of existence nor any other thing lol i should have the right to not exist if thats what I want. It's not that i want to "hurt" them, no i dont want to "hurt" them or whatever that means, I simply just dont want to exist and I simply couldnt care any less about anything whatever/however it is and I simply just don't want to 'experience'/'do'/'be'/'explore' (nor any other thing) ANYTHING AT ALL no matter what and how it is and it's so frustrating that for them to not be 'devastated' and 'suffer' I have to stay. It's so fcking frustrating that this is obligatory and that is only "valid" to not want to live/experience/do 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'(however it is)//'exist' and not give a sht about anything/not have any "interest" for anything at all [and dont want to] if it's "because of a reason". it's NOT that I don't want "human life"/"this life"/"life on earth" (or however this thing called 'life' is called) "but another 'life'/'type of life' in another 'planet' yes". No lol i dont want any 'life' of any 'type' nor anywhere at all. It's NOT that i dont want "life"/"human life"/"life on earth" "because it's this or that way"/"because this or that happens"/"because it works like this"/"because it's about this and that" "but if it was different/another way I would want it" no lmao it's not that neither, I literally just dont want to experience/be part of/participate in/do/live any 'life' at all of any 'type' neither from "planet earth" nor any other 'planet'/'thing'/'place' however it is. Just dont. But well if whoever will read this doesnt believe/understand this thats up to you, i wont be trying to convince you to understand/believe me lmao I couldnt care any less if you dont, just dont assume anything please, if youre 'thinking' [or whatever the fuck "think" means] "oH yOu oBvIouSlY hAvE a ReAsOn wHy yOu sAy tHaT, yOu jUsT dOnt wAnt tO aDmIt/rEaLiZe It" or whatever other assumption please keep it to 'yourself', but not comment it, it'll make me have impotence bc i know that's not true and it's just an assumption. Ive disabled notifications so i dont know that 'someone' has quoted my 'post' with obviously an assumption.
(Continuing whats 'written' above) i wish I could just finally disappear and not exist at all without 'them' knowing. I cant help 'feeling' "sad" about 'them' because they'll be very devastated and I cant help but 'imagine' their 'reactions' and it's 'shocking'. But that doesnt mean I wont ctb lol, this shouldn't be an obligation and I wont stay just to not make them suffer even though i simply just dont want to (nor any other thing regardless what/how it is). It's a hard decision but i very well know that i will ctb anyway someday sooner or later, I simply just dont want to exist nor experience/do/explore any fcking thing at all whatever/however it is and I wont stay just because they want me to and 'love'/'want' 'me' and 'brought' 'me' 'here' and just bc they'll suffer if I go. if I just dont I just dont and thats it, this SHOULDN'T be obligatory.

Well going back to the 'topic', at first I'd be so excited and relieved that I can finally disappear/stop existing and i would ctb anytime, even immediately right after having that way out, but then i'd be imagining my 'parents'/'family' crying and being so devastated and sad/hurt and I cant help but 'feel' "sad" (that doesnt mean I wont ctb someday, ofc i will someday i fucking wish I will, i just literally dont want to exist and im so trapped in this obligation thing called 'life'/'existence' or whatever this is called and inside a 'body'/'brain' or whatever the fck a 'body'/'brain' is. I literally just dont want to be anything/anyone/anywhere. I couldnt give any less of a fcking sht about anything ffs why isnt that possible lol. I just have no way out and it's a "hard" decision bc i know they'll be devastated and I know how they'll react and how much it'll impact on them/their 'lives', I dont want to have to wait for idk how many years to finally ctb but doing it in a "own house" or whatever the fuck a "house"/"apartment" is, is the only way they arent the ones who find the body first and get traumatized, or in a hotel but thatd be too suspicious and anyways all hotels in my 'town' are closed because of the "covid" 'restrictions' and I just cant do that even if they werent closed anyway bc itd be very suspicious and what if i cant access the hotel with the sn or rope. I know that if i ctb here in their house theyll be the first ones who find the body and will be very shocking/traumatizing for them thats also one of the reasons i haven't ctb yet... Apart from just not having any way out and not wanting to 'hurt' [or whatever 'hurt' means] them) that would make 'me' """doubt""" and not go for it, at least not immediately, because if i ctb they'll be 'suffering' and blah blah and well, that's basically what would make me not ctb at least not right after the moment of having the way out and i would be 'thinking' about doing it or not doing constantly sigh lol fucking inevitable ""doubts"" because i have 'parents'/'family' or whatever 'parents'/'family' mean, and i dOnT wAnT tO "hUrT" tHeM, it's so frustrating. if it wasn't for them I would have ctbed many many years ago

 

[Captive of Mind]

The main issue is not wanting to fail or be saved, so I'm taking every measure to not let either of those happen. But yeah, would prefer to be dead asap.

 

[malti276]

No but only because I need get my affairs in order and it's too close to Christmas for me. I know the date won't matter too much to people left behind but the guilt would make me stop.

 

[Xdyzine]

In the state of mind or feelings I have most days, a 100% yes.

 

[Rn110bg101]

If I had a gun I would do it right now. No more waiting, no more remembering everything, just pull the trigger right there.

 

[AutoTap]

I have one, and it became my reason to hold on, like a safety net that's always there in case things turn even more unbearable.

But if I'm being honest, not a day goes by without me considering the idea of drinking it all and be done with it, the urge to just book a hotel room and end it peacefully, like I had planned before covid got in the way is really driving me crazy lately.

Just one last year, I wonder if I'm strong enough.

Why one more year

 

[rabbithole]

I'd live up until I really couldn't anymore. I have a progressive disease so there will come a point where there is zero quality of life left. There's little as it is so it wouldn't be long.

 

[MindFrog]

Give me the SN and no one gets hurt!

except me