would you adopt a kid?

[hopelessdreams]

i see a lot of people here saying that having kids to deal with your own suffering is selfish and not a good idea. i completely agree. i don't want any kids either. but it got me thinking: what about adopting a kid that's already been brought into this world?

those kids all have a reason for being left without parents to care for them. i think if you would adopt one (say you're still alive) you'd help them with their own suffering. a lot of them have similar problems as us (childhood trauma. attachment issues etcetera).

maybe the fact that you're helping someone build a life that you dont want to live and giving the opportunity to do so will give you a sense of purpose. a sense of leaving something great behind when you're gone. what do y'all think? would you ever adopt a kid?

 

[TrynaChingMyself]

I don't want kids but if I ever was going to have one, I would definitely adopt. Why create another child when there's so many who need a home/family?

However I definitely would not adopt unless I felt like I was "normal" and not wanting to CTB for a substantial amount of time. I would worry too much about being a bad parent because of my own issues and no child should have to suffer because of someone else's shit.
Being a parent would only serve to make me forget my own shit for a bit and then, inevitably when my issues have to be dealt with, the consequences on the child are endless.

 

[Lost Magic]

I deeply admire people who adopt unwanted children (even celebs, who sometimes get heat for it). Personally, I can't because I am depressed and ready to throw in the towel. But, good on people who are stable enough to be able to do it. In fact every time I think of adoption it puts me in mind of this beautifully touching scene between the orphaned penny and the orphanage's old cat in Disney's The Rescuers.

 

[Slimetae]

No I got to much of my own shit going on so I'd be a disconnected father .

 

[WorthlessTrash]

No, children are annoying.

 

[wljourney]

Absolutely not!

Having been raised by emotionally unavailable/abusive parents I would never want to be responsible for a child out of fear to repeat the same (or similar) mistakes.

Adopted children need even MORE care and emotionally stable environments. There is no way I could provide that.

Know your limitations.
Stop the spiral.

 

[Hirokami]

I have neither the money nor the mental health to be a remotely decent father.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, never. Sounds like hard work and I am tired. I do not think I would be any good at doing that anyway. I just want to be gone from this world. There could never be anything here for me, I am not meant for this life.

 

[Foresight]

Absolutely not. I'm unfit mentally and physically.

 

[Foresight]

If I were straight and relatively stable, I'd only have a child of my own flesh and blood. I wouldn't adopt.

why?

 

[noname223]

I am not capable of carrying my own shit I would never want to be responsible for another (human) sentient being.

Moreover I would be scared to repeat the mistakes my parents did or even be way worse.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Probably not, even if I was infertile. I just don't feel like I could ever care enough about a human that didn't come out of my balls.

 

[Sleepdrifter]

I thought about it once. In the UK, there is a strong demand for foster parents, and it pays very reasonably - with two foster kids and a job, you'd earn a surprising amount of money. It would also be a fulfilling challenge to look after a child.

Like most things though, if you wanted to do this, you need an existing support network full of people with plenty of experience, ready to be there if and when things go south. Basically: you can't do it alone.

There are a lot of "career fosterers" who get around doing this work. The kids often end up in halfway houses or what they used to call borstals. Either way drugs get involved. I don't judge but being a foster kid can't be nice.

 

[Al Cappella]

Good Christ, no. They're loud, hyper, and smelly—and their music is annoying. I'd rather get a plant…

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I already have one daughter and I think that's enough. It's my cat

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I always wanted to adopt. Actually, it was probably the biggest driver of why I decided to get married… to start a family, which was the one thing in life I absolutely wanted but could never get close to.

That was several years ago, though. No kids, and it's a good thing. My mental health is horrible and I don't want that rubbing off on any child. And given my frequent bouts of suicidal ideation, I think putting a child through losing a parent would be such a cruel act.

So, no. That's something for which I will forever deprive myself.

 

[Trueblue5]

No. I fear that I would cause more damage to any children I adopted.

 

[bloodycherry]

i see a lot of people here saying that having kids to deal with your own suffering is selfish and not a good idea. i completely agree. i don't want any kids either. but it got me thinking: what about adopting a kid that's already been brought into this world?

those kids all have a reason for being left without parents to care for them. i think if you would adopt one (say you're still alive) you'd help them with their own suffering. a lot of them have similar problems as us (childhood trauma. attachment issues etcetera).

maybe the fact that you're helping someone build a life that you dont want to live and giving the opportunity to do so will give you a sense of purpose. a sense of leaving something great behind when you're gone. what do y'all think? would you ever adopt a kid?

Honestly, I don't think this way. The kid will experience love, care for a certain time and then will be alone again. I don't want to make that person suffer even more.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

maybe the fact that you're helping someone build a life that you dont want to live and giving the opportunity to do so will give you a sense of purpose. a sense of leaving something great behind when you're gone. what do y'all think? would you ever adopt a kid?

I'm sorry, but I think the idea of adopting a kid because it might help keep someone from killing themselves is a horrid idea. Anyone on the brink of suicide is not mentally available to be a proper parent. They would likely just pass their demons on to the child. Prospective parents need to get their own shit together first -- not hope that some unfortunate wounded child could possibly heal them.

Now, if someone wants to work hard on getting themselves put together in the hopes of one day being a parent to some unfortunate child, then more power to them. But the adult healing needs to come before any child is pulled into the mix - especially one that has already been traumatized by whatever put them in the system to begin with.

 

[hopelessdreams]

I'm sorry, but I think the idea of adopting a kid because it might help keep someone from killing themselves is a horrid idea. Anyone on the brink of suicide is not mentally available to be a proper parent. They would likely just pass their demons on to the child. Prospective parents need to get their own shit together first -- not hope that some unfortunate wounded child could possibly heal them.

Now, if someone wants to work hard on getting themselves put together in the hopes of one day being a parent to some unfortunate child, then more power to them. But the adult healing needs to come before any child is pulled into the mix - especially one that has already been traumatized by whatever put them in the system to begin with.

im sorry if you misinterpreted my words, i didn't mean it like that. i meant if you heal from all the issues and are stable enough to have a family, would you adopt a kid? instead of making one yourself. because they've already been brought into the world, and maybe you want them to heal from their trauma's just like you did.

 

[SantaTeresa]

I don't wish such calamity to a child. I don't envision one day being good enough to be a biological or adoptive father.

 

[hopelessdreams]

I don't wish such calamity to a child. I don't envision one day being good enough to be a biological or adoptive father.

yeah, same for me but as a mother. i feel like i'll somehow ruin them. i have the same feeling with marriage. i'm not capable of keeping that relationship stable without intoxicating them with my mind and traumas.

Honestly, I don't think this way. The kid will experience love, care for a certain time and then will be alone again. I don't want to make that person suffer even more.

ive never thought about it that way. but that's indeed sad, having them lose their parents first and then someone who cared for them. but i didnt mean it that way. my thought process was: if you decided not to ctb anymore, got help, and were content with your life; would you adopt a kid whom may struggle with the problems you once had, so that you can help them heal?

I always wanted to adopt. Actually, it was probably the biggest driver of why I decided to get married… to start a family, which was the one thing in life I absolutely wanted but could never get close to.

That was several years ago, though. No kids, and it's a good thing. My mental health is horrible and I don't want that rubbing off on any child. And given my frequent bouts of suicidal ideation, I think putting a child through losing a parent would be such a cruel act.

So, no. That's something for which I will forever deprive myself.

im sorry your dream never became reality. but you're right, putting a kid through that is unmanageable, they'd never be the same again.

Good Christ, no. They're loud, hyper, and smelly—and their music is annoying. I'd rather get a plant…

facts. i get easily annoyed with kids. i have zero patience with them

 

[7b48hl]

If I were straight and relatively stable, I'd only have a child of my own flesh and blood. I wouldn't adopt. As things stand, neither option is on the table.

Gross

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I actually wanted to adopt a child eventually when I was younger. Then when I was 25, all kind of issues started to pile up in my life - mental health, physical health, employment, money, housing etc. etc. and I was never remotely in a good enough place for it.
Now I do not believe there is any kind of "help" out there, that could make me content enough with my life to go back to considering that. I don't know how to help a child. I don't know how to help anyone anymore. I'm just helpless and broken.
But the idea is noble, I think.

 

[chloramine]

No. I don't want children even aside from the fact that I don't have the capacity to raise one. I suppose in a very very specific set of circumstances I might try (a friend died and was leaving a kid behind and there were no other options) but. I'm too screwed up for that to work out on top of the very much not wanting to.

 

[MindFrog]

If i weren't a complete mess, I definitely would. I never plan to have my own kid but if I have a partner, I'll more likely adopt one.

But rn, I do not think I'm capable of being parent. I can't even take care of myself for god's sake.

 

[rainbowbright]

I would definitely adopt

 

[StolenLife]

It's definitely a better option than having my own, but I doubt I'd be a good mother in either case. The best option for me is no children anywhere nearby.

 

[makethepainstop]

I couldn't financially, but I have been known to adopt a homeless blond gay dude at least once or twice.

 

[Unhirable]

I would never ever adopt a kid.

Why would I want to roll the dice on having a kid thats expensive at best and totally crazy and life-ruining at worst.

If its your own child, at least you know your seed is going onto the next generation which is the closest thing humans have to eternal life.