Would You Accept Any Alternative to CTB?

[FuneralCry]

No, there is nothing acceptable about existence, I hate how I was so harmfully imposed with the ability to exist in the first place. Only eternal nothingness is desirable, I just want to be at peace, it only feels rational wishing for death to escape from all future harms.

All that existence does is cause suffering, there is no value in being trapped in this futile existence there was never a need for in the first place, it terrifies me how a human can potentially exist for so long in this hellish reality where there is no limit as to how much they can suffer.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, if I were to be loved more by family, if I were to have an actual social life where I can have fun with people the way everybody else has, if I could be with the one that I love, if I could feel safe being myself to people in real life, if I had money to never work a day in my life, if I had interests that I could rely on, if I didn't have neurodivergence that prevents me from being liked by people.. then just maybe I wouldn't ctb. But as I wish that all of this came to me effortlessly instead of striving to improve myself, the only thing I can do now is be depressed and rot with my pathetic life until things get bad enough to where I have no choice but to ctb

 

[vanilladust]

I'd say it's mixed more than anything. Sure, during it feels good. But afterwards I feel much, much worse than before.

Also, I think it's arguable that perhaps she never truly loved me.

I feel that first one HARD. I'm sorry you're going through this too.

Yeah dude it sucks and almost every night i dream about him so i never can escape

 

[Kundalini Guy]

If I could lose my mental illness and suffering I would gladly live

 

[KafkaF]

Yeah dude it sucks and almost every night i dream about him so i never can escape

I dream about her almost every night too...

And throughout the day I often randomly struggle not to burst out crying. Had that just a few minutes ago. And a few days ago I was on the phone with a customer service person and I almost burst out crying on the phone.

The days feel impossibly long because I just can't stop thinking about her for even ten whole minutes.

 

[Kit1]

Thanks. I've just been to see them and given them all my documents again. They said the man would be wrong there would be no way I'd get near as much as he said. I did the benefits calculator again and it does say a lot more than I'm getting. They said I won't qualify for help with my mortgage for 9 months and it wont help that I live in a 2 bedroom property as I'm living alone. Then they will also only pay interest. I think I know what CAB mean now when they say Universal credit just isn't working. I guess I've been paying into the pot but it just isn't there for me.

They have my medical records because I signed something to say they could access them when they wanted more information on my health and I had an appointment with someone last week, a disabilities advisor or something, who just ended up sending me a couple of links to websites about getting into work.
I think The local council funding is something I've already accessed via a therapist she got me £200 months ago and said I can't access it multiple times.

I was told in this summer when police came round because of ant-social behaviour and criminal damage that they are going to mark me down as a vulnerable adult so I assume they already have.

I just don't have it in me to deal with people any more, I can't read very well at the moment due to eyyesight problems and possibly due to being autistic I don't get what I am supposed to be doing. I just don't understand what they are expecting me to do. I've told people I need someone to do things for me or be with me to sort them out else I wont do it right. Someone is seeing me about some financial thinngs next week but I can't just sit here waiting any longer, so I'm just going to consider things today and possibly try hanging or jumping over the weekend.

Is it okay if I PM you please? Maybe not a good idea to discuss personal matters on the forum..,

 

[gbi2]

Yes that is OK.

I don't mind discussing in public even if it is just to show what a mess some businesses and organisations make of things. I figure if I go, people might as well know why it all happend.

 

[figcitylightscookie]

Yeah, I don't think for me being more physically attracted would be enough of a reason to stick around. But it would definitely improve my life. At least then I could easily find some other girl to be with to try to forget about my previous girlfriend (even though I think that's unlikely).

That's fair. Maybe I'm being too vain, but I think being prettier would solve a lot of my problems. Regardless, I would always want the option to CTB if I decide that's the best course of action for me.

 

[KafkaF]

That's fair. Maybe I'm being too vain, but I think being prettier would solve a lot of my problems. Regardless, I would always want the option to CTB if I decide that's the best course of action for me.

I don't think that's that vain. Honestly, it would definitely help me right now, it just wouldn't be enough. Cuz I would still miss my previous girlfriend so much and I would still be unemployed, have no diploma, no house, no self-esteem, etc.

I think once upon a time it would've probably helped a lot more though. Before my circumstances got so bad.

Also, incidentally, it is true that being like 9/10 or something in the looks department could've solved my unemployment problem. Because then I could've just become a professional model.

And, like I said in my response, it would at least boost my self-esteem and allow me to try to forget about her with someone else. Even though I think that someone else would be nothing but a distraction, at the end of the day.

 

[hi-okbye]

if my partner came back from the dead or if time turned back and he never died and we lived our life like we planed to and everything would be good and happy.

 

[PathtoDie]

If I get to have all the powers in the world to remove as much unfairness as possible, then sure! Why not?

 

[tinyghost]

several million dollars

 

[_Broken_alice]

Honestly; not being stuck alone, financial security, and access to medical care we have needed for a long time would maybe make us reconsider.
As is, we are stuck alone which is torture. We have enough money to exist in misery for a few more months with no chance at getting income on our own. And we have no medical coverage because US of Awful and denied disability claim.
Even then, we still don't know if we could ever recover from what we have been through, especially this year with our ex discarding us after 5 years together.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I would consider recovery if I didn't have a restraining order against me, even if I never got to talk to the person who instated it again. Which sucks, because I was offered the opportunity to go to residential treatment in lieu of the restraining order, but my parents and lawyers insisted that that was ridiculous and that another more reasonable compromise could be made, when apparently the other party said they wouldn't accept a compromise. All while lawyer told me I wasn't allowed to talk to acquaintances who knew this and could have gotten me out of this fate.

Literally a super preventable thing if one or both sides would have just communicated a little better.

 

[lemonheads]

That's fair. Maybe I'm being too vain, but I think being prettier would solve a lot of my problems. Regardless, I would always want the option to CTB if I decide that's the best course of action for me.

No, it would solve my problems too, you're not the only one who feels that way.

As for me, I have alternatives, but I'm like everyone here who stated that their chances of their alternatives coming into action is next to nothing.

I'd say living with my ex would make me really happy, or just away from my mom in general. I think I'd prefer living with him because I feel like I could completely isolate myself from the rest of society and he makes living bearable.

Being pretty would help me out too, because I could attract simps to make a living off of without really doing anything, which makes me feel more vain than the person I replied to.

Honestly, at this point the only way for me to really stay is if I don't have to work anymore. I may be a freeloader, but if anything that's more of a reason to CTB.

But the chances of living with my ex are next to nothing because he's always working, and it's like everyone in his life wants a piece of him. At least if I were to live with him I could see him at the end of the day, but he's already denied that.

Eventually every person in my life leaves me or betrays me too, otherwise I'd be more reliant on them than my ex. I don't trust anyone anymore, so when we're through I think I could finally CTB. At this rate, I hope he gets sick of me so he can leave me too and I won't have to suffer waiting for someone who doesn't have time for me.

Another alternative is the simp money too, I don't mind being alone for the rest of my life because I'm already used to it.

I think I want to outlive my mom so I can sell everything and then live on the bare minimum and die when the money runs out.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

The only alternative to my CTB plan is acquiring money but not as a wage slave that's what I'm not gonna do.

 

[アホペンギン]

The only alternative to my CTB plan is acquiring money but not as a wage slave that's what I'm not gonna do.

If I had money I would give it all to you

 

[johann_liebert]

I could travel back in time to either 2016 or 2019 and warn myself about my ex and about hypnosis that destroyed my life.
Of at lest go back in time to year before or july this year and travel back to scotland and cut ties .
At the moment I cant see any way of going back to any functionning, i gave up in september now i regret this , i survived the worst and now i wish i have tried but i tried to late ....

How did hypnosis destroy your life?

 

[suffocatingseraphim]

1: be able to be financially stable and not in poverty 24/7
2: have an actually likable job (or no job and live on a homestead, maybe make income from my art)
3: use psychedelic therapy regularly enough to fully neutralize my PTSD and BD
4: be my ideal body weight and not have chronic pain

 

[Deadfrogwalking]

Yes,
One person, One beautiful heart,
One and only one friend missed dearly, could make all the difference for me.
Perspective, previous wounds from past relationships, trust and mental health issues present in both of us just kill feelings that I think would otherwise grow.
Perspective being the big bitch in the tear stained picture, theirs and my own, everyone has a different perspective of what makes them feel loved or how they show love for another.
But yes there is an alternative to CTB for me, the difference One person One dearly missed friend could make.
Unfortunately for both of us CTB is an eventuality, was from the day we met, once again, differing perspectives on what life and love means.
It drew us together then chewed us both up and spit us out,
I'm still here because of this very special person, trying to change my perspective.

Simply watching from far away, well past the date I had set to CTB.

hope that all makes sense, I feel like I lose a little more of my mind everyday that passes without them.

 

[longdeaddyingsoon]

if i could go back in time and relive my life so i dont fuck up so badly. if i had a different personality. if i could erase my past since covid (i've done a lot of just embarrassing/self destructive things that have ruined my reputation online and in person). if i had a fulfilling college experience with achievements, have a career, be independent, have friends, be capable of socializing like a normal human being, not be in isolation, etc.

 

[uzuf86]

Yeah. Rewind my life back to 2016. I'll take that second chance.

But it will never happen so it's better for me to ctb now

 

[RobertGomes]

* Experience what it means to be loved
* Money to take a break and travel the world, get into some of the uni courses I can't afford, get enough therapy sessions, relax and recover (I'd see if I still wanted to die after)

Maybe I would even prefer the second one. I think that having the resources to really try recovering and finding calm and meaning in life could also make me a person someone could like/love. But who knows. I'll probably be poor as fuck for the rest of my life here

I pray for you to find out what it means to be loved. That feeling, that I once experienced, is what've been keeping me alive so far. It's sad that each day it becomes so distant, far away from my heart... its also sad that I have to rely on just memories to keep the hopes up, but, still.