Would You Accept Any Alternative to CTB?

[KafkaF]

Basically the question in the title: Is there any other scenario that at this point you would accept to CTB? They don't have to be things that could actually plausibly happen. Just anything.

For me personally I can think of basically three scenarios that I would accept as alternatives.

In descending order from most preferable to least preferable:
1. My previous girlfriend contacts me and says that she misses me, she still loves me and she wants to get back together. We get back together and then I either find a job as a writer or finally manage to finish my novel and it sells well enough that I can become a professional novelist. If these two things happened then I would happily stick around.
2. I gained the ability to time travel. I was able to travel back to either 2011 or the first half of 2023 and change my life for the better. Also relive the few happy moments in my life that I actually had. I would stick around for that.
3. I was able to be put in some kind of simulation. Where I would forget the real world and just experience 2011 or the first half of 2023 again and be able to change things in that simulation to be better. In this context I wouldn't KNOW that it was a simulation, I'd think it was the real world. I would happily do that.

 

[vanilladust]

1. My ex boyfriend would text me saying he missed me and does want to spend his life with me. We get married and live an amazing life together.
2. I somehow become I famous singer
3. I Have mind control
4. I can go to different realities and live the life I want

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Must be nice to have someone who loved you..

 

[R_N]

Money but I would still want the option to ctb later.

 

[KafkaF]

Must be nice to have someone who loved you..

I'd say it's mixed more than anything. Sure, during it feels good. But afterwards I feel much, much worse than before.

Also, I think it's arguable that perhaps she never truly loved me.

1. My ex boyfriend would text me saying he missed me and does want to spend his life with me. We get married and live an amazing life together.
2. I somehow become I famous singer
3. I Have mind control
4. I can go to different realities and live the life I want

I feel that first one HARD. I'm sorry you're going through this too.

 

[chloe_655]

if my girlfriend was able to come back to life, i found her hanging in march this year, i was already fucked up but this has pushed me more than anything.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

If I could just make the thoughts disappear, then I could live a happy life.

 

[DT2007]

Timetravel

 

[Death is my goal]

i don't know

 

[KafkaF]

if my girlfriend was able to come back to life, i found her hanging in march this year, i was already fucked up but this has pushed me more than anything.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that...

 

[figcitylightscookie]

If I were prettier and more independent, I would want to stick around.

 

[KafkaF]

If I were prettier and more independent, I would want to stick around.

Yeah, I don't think for me being more physically attracted would be enough of a reason to stick around. But it would definitely improve my life. At least then I could easily find some other girl to be with to try to forget about my previous girlfriend (even though I think that's unlikely).

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Yes. If an alternative scenario involved biological immortality, and the ability to travel far into the future. This is fanciful thinking though - it is currently impossible, so I will likely stay with my plan to commit suicide.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No offence to you but- I don't see the point in fantasizing about magical scenarios where life would be liveable. Because- after them, we have to return to reality.

Sure, life would become tolerable with earning enough money from a job that I enjoy. That's not even a big wish (to my mind- it's hardly- I want to look after unicorns) yet, it's incredibly difficult in this world. I think- when you realise that you can't even achieve fairly basic needs- you realise you're screwed!

The other thing is though- sure- it could 'save' me for the short term. Long term though- I'm middle aged now. Health wise- things are only likely to get worse. A better life now wouldn't necessarily mean I wouldn't want to end it later. Sorry to be more of a downer on your more fantastical, optimistic thread!

 

[KafkaF]

No offence to you but- I don't see the point in fantasizing about magical scenarios where life would be liveable. Because- after them, we have to return to reality.

Sure, life would become tolerable with earning enough money from a job that I enjoy. That's not even a big wish (to my mind- it's hardly- I want to look after unicorns) yet, it's incredibly difficult in this world. I think- when you realise that you can't even achieve fairly basic needs- you realise you're screwed!

The other thing is though- sure- it could 'save' me for the short term. Long term though- I'm middle aged now. Health wise- things are only likely to get worse. A better life now wouldn't necessarily mean I wouldn't want to end it later. Sorry to be more of a downer on your more fantastical, optimistic thread!

The point is that it gives me just the slightest bit of joy to imagine alternative scenarios that might save me. I'm stuck living here until I can gather up the courage to end things and I have to spend my time in the meanwhile doing something. Might as well spend that time doing something that gives me at least the slightest bit of temporary joy. It's that simple.

If that's not your thing, that's fine. But for me it helps.

 

[Maplethemorbid]

I mean joining a hive mind would be nice.

My paranoia magically evaporating would be an improvement, if you couple that with capitalism no longer being a thing and me actually having a place in this world, I'd probably stop being suicidal.

Probably the only two scenarios at this point where I'd want to skip the bus so to speak.

 

[Forever Sleep]

The point is that it gives me just the slightest bit of joy to imagine alternative scenarios that might save me. I'm stuck living here until I can gather up the courage to end things and I have to spend my time in the meanwhile doing something. Might as well spend that time doing something that gives me at least the slightest bit of temporary joy. It's that simple.

If that's not your thing, that's fine. But for me it helps.

Fair enough. If it helps you- definitely go for it. Sorry- I didn't mean to insult you. Hope is important. Especially if there's any chance of recovery.

 

[SoulofSteel]

I just want a life with my ex girlfriend, no matter how simple

 

[watchingthebuses]

Hmm. If I could figure out an actual reason why I wish for death everyday, maybe I'd have an answer. Existence is meaningless and miserable. And I have no idea what would change my mind about it.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

If my dead ctb partner were somehow revived, didn't want to die anymore (probably not disordered), and still wanted to be friends with me I would not ctb anymore.

Either that or if I could go back to a time when he existed and asked him to swear to meet me before he ctb'd I think I'd be content.

Regret is killing me quite literally. I want to be with him to say all the things that I didn't say and hate that I didn't die with him.

 

[gbi2]

I'd quite happily go on lving if people would just stop messing up, lying and manipulating, especially when they are in positions of responsibility. That's it but even the people who are supposed to be helping me keep messing up. I'm going to an appointment in a minute to proves costs of living to the job centre because they didn't pay me enough money last month. I did all this at the beginning of October and for some reason they still put me on a minimum payout. When I got the first payout I told them it was wrong on four occasions and no one even thought to double check. One person only did so because I was put in touch with a organisation who helps people figure out finances and they said I should be getting 3-4 times as much. He said he can't believe they thought the money they gave me was enough to survive on. But it's too late for this next payment, so I'll be short on that one too. I can't handle having to contact companies to tell them I can't pay and go through the processes of agreeing payment plans and everything when it isn't my fault.

I'm unemployed because of lies told about me. I'm just sick of it all. No-one can be truthful and no-one can do things properly and no-one listens to me when I tell them something has gone wrong.

 

[rosenwasser]

* Experience what it means to be loved
* Money to take a break and travel the world, get into some of the uni courses I can't afford, get enough therapy sessions, relax and recover (I'd see if I still wanted to die after)

Maybe I would even prefer the second one. I think that having the resources to really try recovering and finding calm and meaning in life could also make me a person someone could like/love. But who knows. I'll probably be poor as fuck for the rest of my life here

 

[Kit1]

If I could deal with the flashbacks, nightmares, disassociation - simple if I had a good medical team who will work me in tackling this without pressurising me about time, taking away accessibility to use the services - I might actually stand a chance of survival. More chance of seeing a pig flying right now or a honest set of politicians!

 

[mrelief82]

I could travel back in time to either 2016 or 2019 and warn myself about my ex and about hypnosis that destroyed my life.
Of at lest go back in time to year before or july this year and travel back to scotland and cut ties .
At the moment I cant see any way of going back to any functionning, i gave up in september now i regret this , i survived the worst and now i wish i have tried but i tried to late ....

 

[Kit1]

I'd quite happily go on lving if people would just stop messing up, lying and manipulating, especially when they are in positions of responsibility. That's it but even the people who are supposed to be helping me keep messing up. I'm going to an appointment in a minute to proves costs of living to the job centre because they didn't pay me enough money last month. I did all this at the beginning of October and for some reason they still put me on a minimum payout. When I got the first payout I told them it was wrong on four occasions and no one even thought to double check. One person only did so because I was put in touch with a organisation who helps people figure out finances and they said I should be getting 3-4 times as much. He said he can't believe they thought the money they gave me was enough to survive on. But it's too late for this next payment, so I'll be short on that one too. I can't handle having to contact companies to tell them I can't pay and go through the processes of agreeing payment plans and everything when it isn't my fault.

I'm unemployed because of lies told about me. I'm just sick of it all. No-one can be truthful and no-one can do things properly and no-one listens to me when I tell them something has gone wrong.

Hi gbi2,

I am so sorry about the manner in which you have been treated. Would you consider writting in your journal that live with suicidal ideation and really need extra support with contacting organisations on your behalf and for someone to explain your payments - this puts the onus on the DWP to treat you as a vulnerable.person and to explain in full about how the payments are calculated (in turn forcing them to really look at the payments). As long as you don't say that you are planning to end your life now, they will not trigger the safeguarding. Also would you consider asking them to put a vulnerability marker on your file.

Also if you are struggling to pay the bills, please consider using food banks (I know this is not ideal, but honestly the food banks are there to help and tend to be helpful people serving in there) and you can save some money that way. Jobcentre staff can provide the food bank vouchers.

For internet services - some companies provide this at a lower rate for people claiming universal credit.

For water, gas and electricity bills - please contact the providers directly and please tell them that you are vulnerable and also claiming universal credit and they do often offer some financial assistance.

Local council has a pot of funding to help as well.

If you need any information, please feel free to DM me. Times are tough and there are pocket of funding and support available. Also if you let DWP and the companies know that you are vulnerable, they have to be so careful about their decisions.

 

[KafkaF]

Hmm. If I could figure out an actual reason why I wish for death everyday, maybe I'd have an answer. Existence is meaningless and miserable. And I have no idea what would change my mind about it.

Have you ever read into existentialist philosophy? For me that changed everything in regards to finding meaning in life.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Would You Accept Any Alternative to CTB?

No. I have hundreds of reasons for why my suicide is the best action I can take by far. If you know what is best why not work to get it done and do it? I could sit here watching youtube ( wasting time) risking extreme pain ( which can befall any sentient creature) or I can be in non-existence . to me nothing matches non-existence because I won't need anything, have no problems , never a chance of extreme pain or extreme suffering 1000 other horrible things that can happen in life . But all the horrible things that can happen to a sentient being that can feel extreme pain and suffering can't happen to me in non-existence forever . I believe after death is non-existence forever like before i was born when i didn't have any problems . all the problems began for me after i was born. all the bad things that happened to me were because i was born. if i hadn't been born nothing bad would have happened to me. So why should i continue to let bad things happen to me ? I see no reason. plus i can forget all the bad memories in eternal non-existence because my brain won't exist all will be wiped out

More of the hundreds of reasons . there is no objective purpose to life. There is no objective reason for me to continue living . plus I'm going to die anyway like every human will . so why continue to live for no reason under threat of extreme torture. I'd like to ask normies or pro-lifers this but they'd probably just think i'm insane and report me to the mental hospital . however they can't rationnally answer the questions i posed and no one ever has. do they even realize they will die anyway also as I will? and that life is short , brutal, and meaningless suffering? I guess even many on here might think this is crazy too. but i can't see an objective reason to even live much less to deal with all the labor , work , chores, to do lists, problems , suffering and threat of extreme suffering all for no reason.....

The thought of missing out on something can only arise while I'm alive and is another form of mild suffering , unfullfilled needs . if i don't exist i can't have fear of missing out FOM only while i'm alive nor any fear or suffering or pain ever

I like how pro-lifers will tell me " you'd better have a good reason to kill yourself and you'd better rethink it again" . I'd turn it around on them and ask them you tell me the good reason to continue to risk extreme pain torture since i'm going to die anyway no matter what. They don';t know who they talk to . they think they can make me rethink my decision to not ctb. I'm a nihilist and always will be . nothing matters . what will matter in 200 years? nothing. what will matter when the Sun burns the Earth or the sun runs out of energy? nothing ......

This is me chatting with an Ai because humans can't take it :

Me : What is the objective meaning of life?

Ai: The objective meaning of life is subjective .

 

[Krokodile]

My personal order of priority would be:

1. a good life
2. a good death
3. a bad life

The first is very unrealistic for me, so I'm glad the second exists to save me from the third.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

If I could have chosen who my parents and family were because I was doomed from the start. If I had enough money, if I could get rid of the thoughts, and if I could undo the past then maybe, but since it'll never happen, I don't want to exist in this place.

 

[gbi2]

Hi gbi2,

I am so sorry about the manner in which you have been treated. Would you consider writting in your journal that live with suicidal ideation and really need extra support with contacting organisations on your behalf and for someone to explain your payments - this puts the onus on the DWP to treat you as a vulnerable.person and to explain in full about how the payments are calculated (in turn forcing them to really look at the payments). As long as you don't say that you are planning to end your life now, they will not trigger the safeguarding. Also would you consider asking them to put a vulnerability marker on your file.

Also if you are struggling to pay the bills, please consider using food banks (I know this is not ideal, but honestly the food banks are there to help and tend to be helpful people serving in there) and you can save some money that way. Jobcentre staff can provide the food bank vouchers.

For internet services - some companies provide this at a lower rate for people claiming universal credit.

For water, gas and electricity bills - please contact the providers directly and please tell them that you are vulnerable and also claiming universal credit and they do often offer some financial assistance.

Local council has a pot of funding to help as well.

If you need any information, please feel free to DM me. Times are tough and there are pocket of funding and support available. Also if you let DWP and the companies know that you are vulnerable, they have to be so careful about their decisions.

Thanks. I've just been to see them and given them all my documents again. They said the man would be wrong there would be no way I'd get near as much as he said. I did the benefits calculator again and it does say a lot more than I'm getting. They said I won't qualify for help with my mortgage for 9 months and it wont help that I live in a 2 bedroom property as I'm living alone. Then they will also only pay interest. I think I know what CAB mean now when they say Universal credit just isn't working. I guess I've been paying into the pot but it just isn't there for me.

They have my medical records because I signed something to say they could access them when they wanted more information on my health and I had an appointment with someone last week, a disabilities advisor or something, who just ended up sending me a couple of links to websites about getting into work.
I think The local council funding is something I've already accessed via a therapist she got me £200 months ago and said I can't access it multiple times.

I was told in this summer when police came round because of ant-social behaviour and criminal damage that they are going to mark me down as a vulnerable adult so I assume they already have.

I just don't have it in me to deal with people any more, I can't read very well at the moment due to eyyesight problems and possibly due to being autistic I don't get what I am supposed to be doing. I just don't understand what they are expecting me to do. I've told people I need someone to do things for me or be with me to sort them out else I wont do it right. Someone is seeing me about some financial thinngs next week but I can't just sit here waiting any longer, so I'm just going to consider things today and possibly try hanging or jumping over the weekend.