Would my mother overcome my death?

[dandan]

I'm 36 years old...
My mother knows I want to die since 5-10 years ago...
I've spent many years saying I rather die than continue alive...
Then I have good moments and move forward...
but death wish always comes back...

My mother gave up... she says she leaves it to god, and that she declares someday I will find my peace...
but that its up to me...
we've talked about me killing myself... and she has even said to me "she respects my decision"

but I want to ask you guys... if some one knows if a mother can get over the suicide of a 36 year old man...
is it different from that of the death of a child... different from that of the death of a teen age boy... ?

but the death of a 36 yo old man, who has given her nothing but trouble? she might not suffer as much right?
what do you think? any mother here?

my mother is the worst part about ctb

 

[Santiago]

I mean no. Your death would still hit just as hard. And assuming you guys have a decent relationship (it seems that way) she will suffer a lot.

However this is not me trying to tell you to not do it. None of that 'you pass your pain on to loved ones' bullshit. I am just giving you facts.
It's your life and your decision. Ultimately you decide. Period.

 

[dandan]

I mean no. Your death would still hit just as hard. And assuming you guys have a decent relationship (it seems that way) she will suffer a lot.

However this is not me trying to tell you to not do it. None of that 'you pass your pain on to loved ones' bullshit. I am just giving you facts.
It's your life and your decision. Ultimately you decide. Period.

Yeah she will suffer a lot , but a little less than if I did it ten years ago... I mean she knows how much I hate life since early 18teens and how much I hate how life turned out... Damm,. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

 

[Circles]

I'm 36 years old...
My mother knows I want to die since 5-10 years ago...
I've spent many years saying I rather die than continue alive...
Then I have good moments and move forward...
but death wish always comes back...

My mother gave up... she says she leaves it to god, and that she declares someday I will find my peace...
but that its up to me...
we've talked about me killing myself... and she has even said to me "she respects my decision"

but I want to ask you guys... if some one knows if a mother can get over the suicide of a 36 year old man...
is it different from that of the death of a child... different from that of the death of a teen age boy... ?

but the death of a 36 yo old man, who has given her nothing but trouble? she might not suffer as much right?
what do you think? any mother here?

my mother is the worst part about ctb

I'm going through the same dilemma. I try my best to emphasize and outline my limited options and general hatred of life to my mom before we end up arguing about it. I try my best to explain to her about what I want but I feel just as you may be is that they'll never understand nor accept it. No matter what they'll always cling onto the idea that you're their perfect baby and everything is just going to be fine. She knows the truth of how I feel but she just don't want to believe it. I've come to the conclusion that she'll never accept it and get over it. It hurts but what can you do. Is some vague idea of love worth the years and decades of pointless suffering?

 

[Your Own Ghost]

Trouble or not, there's a deep biological sort of pain involved with losing a child. If you hear enough stories, the loss of a child, adult or not, is always among the worst of them and it's a pain that never goes away.

I think about my mom, too. I'm about your age. If you feel that your death is inevitable, do all you can to be good to her now – that's what you can control.

 

[alizee]

I believe the possibility of your mother getting over your potential suicide is better now than before in society. Your mother being a religious person "leaving it to God" would previously in certainty fixate on you being condemned an eternity in Hell for acting on suicide desires. Religion has been watered down in the recent decade and where the view of a suicidal person is just severely ill; not necessarily condemned to an eternity in Hell. I'm going to write this next part with honesty and in the intent of not offending. Religious people are deluded by thinking God is always good and thus your mother can definitely delude herself into thinking it's alright after you die by suicide.

 

[dandan]

I'm going through the same dilemma. I try my best to emphasize and outline my limited options and general hatred of life to my mom before we end up arguing about it. I try my best to explain to her about what I want but I feel just as you may be is that they'll never understand nor accept it. No matter what they'll always cling onto the idea that you're their perfect baby and everything is just going to be fine. She knows the truth of how I feel but she just don't want to believe it. I've come to the conclusion that she'll never accept it and get over it. It hurts but what can you do. Is some vague idea of love worth the years and decades of pointless suffering?

I totally get you, and I think the same thing what's the point of needless suffering for years to come? I completely blew beautiful chances at life I had, now I would live a not so good life if I choose too, with poor attitude because I struggle for good attitude and humor.
But it's good to know someone else's is going through the same struggles, isn't it something awful about how them are probably not responsible, I mean mom could've definitely done things differently but she never meant no harm...
Poor momma I do love her , I dunno what I will end up choosing, but being in the middle is not cool

I believe the possibility of your mother getting over your potential suicide is better now than before in society. Your mother being a religious person "leaving it to God" would previously in certainty fixate on you being condemned an eternity in Hell for acting on suicide desires. Religion has been watered down in the recent decade and where the view of a suicidal person is just severely ill; not necessarily condemned to an eternity in Hell. I'm going to write this next part with honesty and in the intent of not offending. Religious people are deluded by thinking God is always good and thus your mother can definitely delude herself into thinking it's alright after you die by suicide.

Oh no, she's not religious that way, like she's not much into any religion , but she believes in a higher power, and still she's not much of a religious thingy... However she can say "I leave it to God" as a matter of speech I think.
She believes in God , but not that much I guess

Trouble or not, there's a deep biological sort of pain involved with losing a child. If you hear enough stories, the loss of a child, adult or not, is always among the worst of them and it's a pain that never goes away.

I think about my mom, too. I'm about your age. If you feel that your death is inevitable, do all you can to be good to her now – that's what you can control.

I am not talking to her because she says when she talks to me she feels it makes things worse....
Cause I'm always comlaining, I could not comlaining and lie a little but then she thinks everything is wonderful and we've been through that, several times.

 

[Circles]

I totally get you, and I think the same thing what's the point of needless suffering for years to come? I completely blew beautiful chances at life I had, now I would live a not so good life if I choose too, with poor attitude because I struggle for good attitude and humor.
But it's good to know someone else's is going through the same struggles, isn't it something awful about how them are probably not responsible, I mean mom could've definitely done things differently but she never meant no harm...
Poor momma I do love her , I dunno what I will end up choosing, but being in the middle is not cool

Oh no, she's not religious that way, like she's not much into any religion , but she believes in a higher power, and still she's not much of a religious thingy... However she can say "I leave it to God" as a matter of speech I think.
She believes in God , but not that much I guess

I am not talking to her because she says when she talks to me she feels it makes things worse....
Cause I'm always comlaining, I could not comlaining and lie a little but then she thinks everything is wonderful and we've been through that, several times.

I get it I love my mother more than I do for myself but they brought us here. Their the reason why we're alive and subtly forced us our hand without our consent. I try to point out the discrepancies of this basic fact and that I or anybody else should have a say on when or if we want to end our life since we didn't have a say at birth. But again people don't like hearing the hard truth.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Would your mom overcome your death. It depends on what you mean by overcome. Obviously she will never fully get over it. But the question is to what degree. I think she would get over it for the most part personally if you ask me.
Oh and it also depends on if she had other children.

 

[reveriewong]

I imagine that your death would cause intense grief (and perhaps guilt) for your mother, especially since it appears that you two have a close bond.

As for whether she would "overcome" your death, you would have to define what you mean by "overcome." Your death is something she will probably end up struggling with for the rest of her life.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Even if ur mom accepts it and "gives up"
..at the actual time
Its completely different.
Perhaps she might recover faster from it bc she already came to terms with it a while back but
Esp as her being a mother; its gonna be brutal no matter what.

 

[dandan]

This thread and everything going on in life makes me understand how insignificant we are to people, except to our parents , specially our mother's ...

 

[Bloodtearsdust]

Closure for parents: just an FYI, I'm pro-choice.. but this post may not seem like it.

I took a class in university on death, dying and hospices. Suicide was one topic covered. Apparently those who grieve over a suicide do not fully "heal". Instead it's what they call a grief wave. So they feel better and then grief hits for a period and it cycles like this throughout their lives. Some people can find closure if they are religious and believe suicides will have a happy after life. Some religions do and some don't. I know 3 parents so far whose kids killed themselves aged (18,24 and 32). So far what I learned in class appears to be true. All 3 parents attend suicide grief groups and end up taking a lot of time off work every year for grief related depression. After seeing this first hand... It is my honest opinion making it look like an accident is the best way if you are leaving behind people who care about you.

Closure for parents: just an FYI, I'm pro-choice.. but this post may not seem like it.

I took a class in university on death, dying and hospices. Suicide was one topic covered. Apparently those who grieve over a suicide do not fully "heal". Instead it's what they call a grief wave. So they feel better and then grief hits for a period and it cycles like this throughout their lives. Some people can find closure if they are religious and believe suicides will have a happy after life. Some religions do and some don't. I know 3 parents so far whose kids killed themselves the "kids" were aged (18,24 and 32). So far what I learned in class appears to be true. All 3 parents attend suicide grief groups and end up taking a lot of time off work every year for grief related depression. After seeing this first hand... It is my honest opinion making it look like an accident is the best way if you are leaving behind people who care about you.

T

 

[Fucking loving it]

I'm the mother of a child that passed away. Given situation is different. She was 10 and terminally ill. I'll never EVER get over it. Idk how any mother could get over the death of a child, but that's just my opinion.

 

[Mort]

I am not to shore on this one i get the felling they just gave up on me . Bin a big disappointment to they never have done much with my life. Then again when i was a kid they never gave any incuryment to do any thing . But cant blame them for all of it when i be came an adult was up to me then . But just sat back and wasted my life end the i am just a unless piece of shit and my folks know it . Fuck life why the hell do I keep going?????? Sorry for the rant:/ :)

 

[dandan]

I am not to shore on this one i get the felling they just gave up on me . Bin a big disappointment to they never have done much with my life. Then again when i was a kid they never gave any incuryment to do any thing . But cant blame them for all of it when i be came an adult was up to me then . But just sat back and wasted my life end the i am just a unless piece of shit and my folks know it . Fuck life why the hell do I keep going?????? Sorry for the rant:/ :)

Oh man no worry's , you know I understand

My father was strict as hell
My mother let me grow wild
I ended up hating my dad and fucking up my life , I'm not a useless piece of shit but I'm far from being useful/complete or with a healthy high steem, but I'm trying to work on it, one last time maybe?

I get N tomorrow, so this is like an attempt to get better, I think...

But yeah, I cat even have a friendly talk with someone because silence always dominates the conversation at some point and i feel useless I can't even do small talk , why?

 

[Mort]

Oh man no worry's , you know I understand

My father was strict as hell
My mother let me grow wild
I ended up hating my dad and fucking up my life , I'm not a useless piece of shit but I'm far from being useful/complete or with a healthy high steem, but I'm trying to work on it, one last time maybe?

I get N tomorrow, so this is like an attempt to get better, I think...

But yeah, I cat even have a friendly talk with someone because silence always dominates the conversation at some point and i feel useless I can't even do small talk , why?

Just one of them things i cant dtand chatting for long to most folks. Just listening to them winds me up and just eant to shut the fuck up . Its just sum of the trivial shit they come out with snd it sound like s sodding drama. I just wanted to yell at them it not important they more serious stuff out they to worry about. Its like ear sandpaper LOL :D

 

[Meretlein]

My great grandmother said losing her son in a plane crash almost killed her. You're mother will still grieve horribly but maybe the knowledge that you are finally at peace may help her a little bit.

 

[Hoid]

I definitely feel bad about how my death will affect my parents as well. However I am not able to live my life for the sake of their happiness alone. Nor do I have an obligation to. I never asked for any of this. Without a doubt suicide is a shitty experience for everyone involved, but such is life...

 

[dandan]

I am not talking as much as before with my mother , but she sent me a message of how much she loves me....

I replied with: "sorry for the pain I cause you mom, love ya"

She then writes: "the pain you cause me? The pain you are causing yourself."

Love her

 

[deathplease]

Being a mother who lost her son - no, you never overcome the death of your child. There may be a time where her grief is lessened but it will never go away. In fact, I find the more time that I am alive without my son, the hardest it is to go on. The main reason why I'm ctbing is to be with my son again.

 

[Meretlein]

Being a mother who lost her son - no, you never overcome the death of your child. There may be a time where her grief is lessened but it will never go away. In fact, I find the more time that I am alive without my son, the hardest it is to go on. The main reason why I'm ctbing is to be with my son again.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I don't want to come across as someone just repeating pro-life platitudes but have you ever tried to meet other parents who have lost a child? This happened to my great grandmother and it made her sad for the rest of her life but she still found her life worth living.

 

[Walilamdzi]

I definitely feel bad about how my death will affect my parents as well. However I am not able to live my life for the sake of their happiness alone. Nor do I have an obligation to. I never asked for any of this. Without a doubt suicide is a shitty experience for everyone involved, but such is life...

I feel terrible about the idea that my absence will affect my loved ones, but I also feel similar to you. I've been doing my best to discuss how I feel with my parents and assure them that I love them, and ensure that they realise how much I appreciate them and that none of this is to do with them, but I know the reality of it would be bad and I worry about how it would affect them. So it goes.

 

[Bruja]

I lost my daughter in October 2018 and I wish I had died with her because living without her is torture. I've always battled depression, but this is the first time in my life where I have made a solid plan to ctb. I can't be without her.

 

[406metallicblue]

I think her suffering might be related to your relationship when you were a child, as much as it is now. If she has happy memories of this period and no reason for guilt then the suffering may be reduced. Putting myself in the place of a father who's son ended his life, i would always be asking the question..what did i do wrong, my mistakes that might have led to this. If she has religious ideas they might help her. The trouble with anyone who ctb's is the impact it has on others. The question i ask myself often is... ought i to try to bear my suffering and not inflict suffering on others because i want to end mine.

 

[pleasethistime]

I am in the same position. I dont give a shit about other people but mom would be very sorry. We live together and my father passed away a few years ago. Her father also died this year. Nothing but this is what keeping me. But i dont know how much more can i live for somebody else. I already finished my life in my head. It is just acting.

 

[jules18]

My mother put me through so much pain that I don't care at all how she will feel. She's an insufferable character and I can't wait to never see her again. My dad will probably be sad about it, and I do feel bad about that, but not enough to deter me from doing it. The only thing i'm grateful to my mother for is giving brith to me and my older brother who had to be aborted late term. I'm very much looking forward to meeting my older brother, my best friend who died and my ancestors in the great beyond.

 

[Walilamdzi]

My mother specifically said to me the other day, "if you did anything to yourself, I would miss you so much...", she was also crying a lot and saying how much she loves me. I love my family more than anything, but it's hard to function when you feel this way.

 

[Susannah]

I'm the mother of a child that passed away. Given situation is different. She was 10 and terminally ill. I'll never EVER get over it. Idk how any mother could get over the death of a child, but that's just my opinion.

Deeply sorry for your loss. You're absolutely right. My sister died in an accident when she was 19y. My mum will never fully recover, but after 10y ish, she learned to live with the loss.
All my love

 

[SweetGoldenLake]

I hope my parents can. I've been trying to go out with partial for a bit and I always get sad when I think of everyone I'm close to.