Help Would like to go by N sooner rather than later, scared of brain damage/paralysis

[Ta555]

I know we've had several N goodbye threads in the last couple of months but as with all anonymous things on the internet we can never be 100% sure that these people really passed away and didn't end up alive but worse off.
I've read PPeH, I've read every N thread I can find on here and I'm ready to leave, been making peace with dying for a while now but the idea of becoming paralysed or like chemically lobotomized is scaring the shit out of me and I don't even know if this is possible with N.
Yes, I know I need to be not found, that's fine, I have an 8 hour window where my partner is at work. I also plan on taking it in my office and blocking the door with the armchair I'll be sitting in to make it more difficult to get access. A couple of my family members also know I'm terrified of ending up severely brain damaged or paralysed and said they wouldn't make me live in those conditions. But I'm afraid it's not up to them because if my heart is beating and I'm conscious (but say brain damaged and have the mental capacity of a toddler or something) the hospital won't pull the plug you know?
I'm terrified of failing and never being able to try again.
I'm very skinny and would use one bottle since that's what I have. Please don't say to get another bottle because with money and time that's not possible for me. I also know that @sunnybird and voiddesirer22 used one bottle and I'm also quite underweight so that helps a lot.

I just can't shake these brain damage fears.

 

[Zegers]

It scares me more to spend the day trapped in a flat in the nothingness, loneliness, emptiness and almost not being able to get out of bed and then start all over again.

 

[fizi22]

If you leave a noting saying that you want them to pull the pull if you end up in a coma/vegetable, i wonder if they would have to honor that request

 

[Ta555]

If you leave a noting saying that you want them to pull the pull if you end up in a coma/vegetable, i wonder if they would have to honor that request

No they don't. I don't care if I'm an unconscious vegetable. I only care if I'm a conscious vegetable or mentally retarded (and I'm using that as a strictly medical term).

 

[hankbank3928]

I haven't heard any reports of people ending up with brain damage from taking N. N has neuro protective properties (as long as your not saved during the 15 mins where the brain shuts of breathing).

Idk man I'm scared of brain damage too. But there are always going to issues with a method and I think that N is too fast acting to cause brain damage.

 

[oziinnz]

I know someone else who recently took N and confirmed they ctb from that. Do your family know and support you ctb? Is that because of physical health issues that they support you may I ask?
I really do not think you will end up brain damaged I think the extra bottle is just to soothe those nerves for ppl like yourself worrying it's not enough, or for bigger ppl. I got two as I'm overweight 175 pounds and I figure I might actually need two.

 

[wljourney]

If you are under 100kg I would assume 1 bottle will do the job.
Even on the very rare chance that you do end up found, in ICU, the brain damage would be too severe to ever reaching consciousness again.
you would not be aware of what is happening around you.

I highly suggest leaving appropriate paperwork for end-of-life decisions and advance care decisions/substitute decision maker.
Depending on where you live this may need a lawyer or notary. Some countries/states don't require this.

You can find more details on your country's dying with dignity websites or even by googling "advance care directive" for your state.

But this too requires money and time and sometimes a third person as witness.

I also know that @sunnybird and voiddesirer22 used one bottle and I'm also quite underweight so that helps a lot.

Damn. I missed voiddesirer22 leaving. Noticed the account being disabled and wanted to ask if anyone had heard.
We had messaged just a few weeks ago.

 

[Ta555]

I know someone else who recently took N and confirmed they ctb from that. Do your family know and support you ctb? Is that because of physical health issues that they support you may I ask?
I really do not think you will end up brain damaged I think the extra bottle is just to soothe those nerves for ppl like yourself worrying it's not enough, or for bigger ppl. I got two as I'm overweight 175 pounds and I figure I might actually need two.

How did you confirm they ctb? Was this void?

If you are under 100kg I would assume 1 bottle will do the job.
Even on the very rare chance that you do end up found, in ICU, the brain damage would be too severe to ever reaching consciousness again.
you would not be aware of what is happening around you.

I highly suggest leaving appropriate paperwork for end-of-life decisions and advance care decisions/substitute decision maker.
Depending on where you live this may need a lawyer or notary. Some countries/states don't require this.

You can find more details on your country's dying with dignity websites or even by googling "advance care directive" for your state.

But this too requires money and time and sometimes a third person as witness.

Damn. I missed voiddesirer22 leaving. Noticed the account being disabled and wanted to ask if anyone had heard.
We had messaged just a few weeks ago.

I guess my main worry comes from the fact that I won't be taking an ae. This is because they all act on the brain and my brain is already extremely sensitive and messed up that I'm afraid if I take ae 30-60 mins before the side effects will be too severe for me to go through the ctb. I also sometimes have paradoxical reactions to meds and they might actually make me nauseous. I'm not usually prone to vomiting but idk.
I think my main worry, or the horror scenario I have in my head, is vomiting half of it up while unconscious and then my breathing stops and starts for hours and I'm found half alive hours later and forced to live because I'm not brain damaged enough to be taken off life support.

I did email a medical lawyer about setting up a DNR and advance directive but they told me that is done/initiated through my GP or specialist and that my country (not the US) doesn't have the same DNR laws we see on tv in American shows. And if I go to my GP and request that it's going to raise a bunch of red flags since my illness is not terminal.
I don't live in a litigation society like America and we don't keep vegetables on life support here for years and years. And anyway, like I said, if I'm permanently unconscious idc. My last nightmare scenario to overcome is the one I described. Vomitting and then ending up alive, semi-conscious/paralysed and legally forced to live.
I know...that might sound really far fetched but that's where my mind keeps circling back to.
I know I'm sensitive to this kind of thing though coz when I had propofol sedation a few months ago for a procedure they gave me a very very low dose but it still knocked me out for longer than it should have and they told me my heart/breathing slowed down too much at one point.

 

[hankbank3928]

How did you confirm they ctb? Was this void?

I guess my main worry comes from the fact that I won't be taking an ae. This is because they all act on the brain and my brain is already extremely sensitive and messed up that I'm afraid if I take ae 30-60 mins before the side effects will be too severe for me to go through the ctb. I also sometimes have paradoxical reactions to meds and they might actually make me nauseous. I'm not usually prone to vomiting but idk.
I think my main worry, or the horror scenario I have in my head, is incoming half of it up while unconscious and then my breathing stops and starts for hours and I'm found half alive hours later and forced to live because I'm not brain damaged enough to be taken off life support.

I did email a medical lawyer about setting up a DNR and advance directive but they told me that is done/initiated through my GP or specialist and that my country (not the US) doesn't have the same DNR laws we see on tv in American shows. And if I go to my GP and request that it's going to raise a bunch of red flags since my illness is not terminal.
I don't live in a litigation society like America and we don't keep vegetables on life support here for years and years. And anyway, like I said, if I'm permanently unconscious idc. My last nightmare scenario to overcome is the one I described. Vomitting and then ending up alive, semi-conscious/paralysed and legally forced to live.
I know...that might sound really far fetched but that's where my mind keeps circling back to.
I know I'm sensitive to this kind of thing though coz when I had propofol sedation a few months ago for a procedure they gave me a very very low dose but it still knocked me out for longer than it should have and they told me my heart/breathing slowed down too much at one point.

It's very rare to vomit from drinking N. Although, I too have thought about it and it does make me paranoid (I'll just be using an otc AE when I take my N because I can't get a hold of a rx one). But I've read some posts on here saying that using an AE with N IS NOT required, so I will be using that information as such and try not to worry about it because the norm is that drinking N will not make you vomit.