Discussion Would like opinions

[sirenangelbby]

I'm not sure if I should have marked this as venting or not so I'm sorry in advance. In your opinion, is it pathetic to end your life solely based upon a relationship ending? I've been told multiple times that it's stupid and pathetic of me to want to ctb "just because of a boy" when it's way more than that. I have so many regrets of things I could have done differently and ways I could have saved our relationship even though he's the one who gave up and abandoned me. I can't stand to live with that guilt much longer. I should have been "perfect" towards him because if I was then we'd still be together. I also can't stand to see him potentially be with another girl. That would completely break me and if it happens before the ctb date I've already planned, I would definitely end up doing it before then. It would break me even more to see him treat another girl the way I wanted to be treated and could have been treated if I didn't act out so much. To me it's more than "just a boy" because my dream of getting married has been totally crushed because I refuse to trust another soul again or get close to someone else. I've tried multiple times to make amends only to end up with no response and him not caring about my pain so I've given up. I see no point of being alive if I'm just going to be alone for the rest of my life, slaving away at work and speaking to nobody. Also if anyone has gone through a similar situation I would appreciate hearing from your point of view.

 

[vitbar]

Honestly I would avoid ctb while still in the early days of grieving a loss like this.

I say grief because while nobody died it can still invoke a great sense of loss. Loss usually needs time to grieve properly.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'd say don't ctb, due to losing a friendship. It's not worth it, trust me you will find someone better. I can understand if it was someone who was married for 30-50 years. But no, I almost ended myself because of a girl. I still have feelings for her, but I wouldn't off myself due to losing her, I wanna ctb for other reasons. I hope life gets better for you

 

[d3c96524be95]

I'm not sure if I should have marked this as venting or not so I'm sorry in advance. In your opinion, is it pathetic to end your life solely based upon a relationship ending? I've been told multiple times that it's stupid and pathetic of me to want to ctb "just because of a boy" when it's way more than that. I have so many regrets of things I could have done differently and ways I could have saved our relationship even though he's the one who gave up and abandoned me. I can't stand to live with that guilt much longer. I should have been "perfect" towards him because if I was then we'd still be together. I also can't stand to see him potentially be with another girl. That would completely break me and if it happens before the ctb date I've already planned, I would definitely end up doing it before then. It would break me even more to see him treat another girl the way I wanted to be treated and could have been treated if I didn't act out so much. To me it's more than "just a boy" because my dream of getting married has been totally crushed because I refuse to trust another soul again or get close to someone else. I've tried multiple times to make amends only to end up with no response and him not caring about my pain so I've given up. I see no point of being alive if I'm just going to be alone for the rest of my life, slaving away at work and speaking to nobody. Also if anyone has gone through a similar situation I would appreciate hearing from your point of view.

[Thinking of] CTB is *never* pathetic. It's most of the time the consequence of a profound suffering, which by definition is subjective. Your suffering might appear annecdotal or pathetic to some, but 1) if it is not annecdotal to you, then that's what matters 2) if somebody is negating your suffering with this kind of "argument", explain that to them, and stay away if they don't understand because they are blaming you indirectly. It won't help you.

However, I agree with @vitbar . It's not because the suffering is immense now that it's not worth trying different coping strategies, and figure out what and how much can be fixed (with time and other things).

I also see that you are blaming yourself so harshly. You can't be perfect and nobody should be expecting that from you. I also think that it is fallacious to believe that everything can be fixed by just being perfect. Sometimes world's events are chaotic and unpredictable. Sometimes, you just don't have any sort of control over them. For the time being, I don't think it's worth overthinking and ruminating past mistakes, especially if they're still hurting you (I know, easier said than done…).

I'm sad to hear you're going through such hard times, and I sincerely hope you'll be able to overcome that.

 

[dogtired]

I usually hate hearing the phrase "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" because how does anyone know if my problems are temporary? Many people here have been suffering for years with no end in sight and suicide makes perfect sense in these situations. That said, grieving the loss of a relationship is usually a "temporary problem" in that although you always might miss them, it won't always feel so visceral and unbearable that suicide feels like the only solution. I understand that it feels like you'll be alone forever, but that's unlikely to be true. My advice is to give it a few months so you're not making what would be an impulsive feelings-led decision, and you'll be in a better position to know if suicide really is the best option for you. I'm by no means anti-suicide but it shouldn't be rushed into.

 

[saddestbunny]

you're absolutely valid in everything you feel. I'd recommend waiting a few months to be more stable from this incident before deciding on ctb for that reason. breaking up devastated me for a while too but like some other poster mentioned I wanna ctb for entirely different reasons

 

[MeltingBrain]

I'm not sure if I should have marked this as venting or not so I'm sorry in advance. In your opinion, is it pathetic to end your life solely based upon a relationship ending? I've been told multiple times that it's stupid and pathetic of me to want to ctb "just because of a boy" when it's way more than that. I have so many regrets of things I could have done differently and ways I could have saved our relationship even though he's the one who gave up and abandoned me. I can't stand to live with that guilt much longer. I should have been "perfect" towards him because if I was then we'd still be together. I also can't stand to see him potentially be with another girl. That would completely break me and if it happens before the ctb date I've already planned, I would definitely end up doing it before then. It would break me even more to see him treat another girl the way I wanted to be treated and could have been treated if I didn't act out so much. To me it's more than "just a boy" because my dream of getting married has been totally crushed because I refuse to trust another soul again or get close to someone else. I've tried multiple times to make amends only to end up with no response and him not caring about my pain so I've given up. I see no point of being alive if I'm just going to be alone for the rest of my life, slaving away at work and speaking to nobody. Also if anyone has gone through a similar situation I would appreciate hearing from your point of view.

I am sorry that you are going through this . I bet it feels like the end of the world when you love somebody so much and the person just abandons you.
What I would ask is that, is the problem fixable or "tamable" ? In this case it is at the very least tamable and and at the very best(which I believe is the case), a good outcome for you. If somebody abandons you for no good reason , he was never a good partner to begin with. Better now then after marriage right ? Given enough time you will get over him . Given enough time, you will find a new person who you would like to be around again. I bet that's not what you want to hear right now . It's easy for somebody to say and hard to go through but I believe what I have written above will happen and life will take a turn around for the better.

 

[todiefor]

I am sorry that you are going through this . I bet it feels like the end of the world when you love somebody so much and the person just abandons you.
What I would ask is that, is the problem fixable or "tamable" ? In this case it is at the very least tamable and and at the very best(which I believe is the case), a good outcome for you. If somebody abandons you for no good reason , he was never a good partner to begin with. Better now then after marriage right ? Given enough time you will get over him . Given enough time, you will find a new person who you would like to be around again. I bet that's not what you want to hear right now . It's easy for somebody to say and hard to go through but I believe what I have written above will happen and life will take a turn around for the better.

What if u were married for 10 years…

 

[MeltingBrain]

What if u were married for 10 years…

I think it still applies . 40-50% of couples in USA apply for divorce . The average length of marriage in the United States is 8.2 years which is around the 10 year mark you suggested, I bet 99% of them move on eventually to find new partners even though it must be painful .

Divorce Rate in America: 48 Divorce Statistics [Updated 2023]

We compiled official data from the CDC, the Census, Pew Research and others to answer the true divorce rate, demographic data, and common divorce reasons.

divorce.com

 

[todiefor]

@sirenangelbby I'm really sorry you are going through this. I think I've responded before, and it's difficult for me to say anything positive as it would sound hypocritical as I am in a similar situation. I will say that in my younger years I always just moved onto the next person, they are not worth your heartache. This person clearly did not appreciate all the effort and time you put in to care for them, shame on them, maybe they will live to regret it and by then maybe you found someone who actually appreciates you just the way you are. No he's not just a boy, he's the bastard that tore your heart out without a backward glance and made you feel like it was your fault. That's terrible of him and cowardly. I'm sorry this person hurt you so much, what a bastard really, I hate it especially when people just change, you then realise they were probably never honest in the first place.

I agree with everyone, wait it out for a few month, don't contact them, give yourself some time and space to breathe.

In the meantime you can vent here and we will listen. I'm sorry if that wasn't helpful lol I'll be better next time

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's a personal decision deciding when to leave this world that doesn't need to be justified with reasons, suicide could never even need a reason in the first place as after all none of us are obligated to continue existing here.

And anyway we will all die someday whether there is a reason behind it or not, and it's up to the individual when that should be, none of us should have to stay here and suffer against our wishes and it would be cruel expecting someone to, wanting to die is always a valid way to feel no matter what, we all have our right to die.

 

[hunterfla]

I think that it's a personal decision deciding when to leave this world that doesn't need to be justified with reasons, suicide could never even need a reason in the first place as after all none of us are obligated to continue existing here.

And anyway we will all die someday whether there is a reason behind it or not, and it's up to the individual when that should be, none of us should have to stay here and suffer against our wishes and it would be cruel expecting someone to, wanting to die is always a valid way to feel no matter what, we all have our right to die.

This.

If you were still together, would you want to ctb? I would say if the ONLY reason you want to ctb is because of the relationship ending, it might be best to hold off. That's just my opinion because when the first couple of relationships I had ended, it felt like my world was over. I didn't think I would ever get over them and didn't want to even try...until I met the next one. Someone once told me the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

That said, it's never okay to be called stupid or pathetic for your choices.

Best wishes. Hugs.