Help Would it be easier for the people around me if my death was confirmed or if I just went missing?

[Polecat]

I know I won't let anybody in my immediate family see my body, because that would be traumatic, but I don't know if it would be easier for them if I left a note in my bedroom or something explaining what happened or if I were to just disappear

 

[inmyhead]

If you disappear then nobody gets closure and family members could be holding out hope for years hoping you'll be found. So I personally think it's better to be found dead, it's traumatic but at least people can process and move on. The Richey Edwards case is a perfect example of this.

 

[AntHills]

If you disappear then nobody gets closure and family members could be holding out hope for years hoping you'll be found. So I personally think it's better to be found dead, it's traumatic but at least people can process and move on. The Richey Edwards case is a perfect example of this.

Pretty much this.

You also have to consider what your family might assume happened to you if you disappeared. If you're a 20 year old girl, they'll probably think you were kidnapped. If you're a 30 year old man, they'll probably think you committed a crime and fled. How much time, money, and resources would they spend looking for you, only for them to find out that you're dead anyways? I would say in most cases it's better just to leave a note and/or let yourself be found, but it honestly depends on your circumstances, and what you want to happen.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally think it would be easier for them if the death was confirmed so at least they have closure instead of spending the rest of their remaining time wondering what happened.

 

[SVEN]

Like others who have posted, I feel that an "open ended" disappearance is always going to be crueller than a definite loss..

 

[NoHorizon]

As everyone else has said, closure/confirmation is better in my view. I don't think anyone will kid themselves into thinking there's a happy ending to the mystery, if anything they'll just invent something worse than a suicide, and there's a good chance they'll spend a long time trying to search for you/find out what happened, which just prolongs their suffering.

 

[over.the.rainbow]

My sister was missing for nearly a year. Not knowing..not having any closure…that was probably harder than her actual death which came years later.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally- I think knowing would be better. Families of missing people seem to have a horrible time of it. They'll likely consider suicide regardless I would imagine but maybe worse- abduction and murder. Plus- authorities may even be suspicious of them if foul play is suspected. That's my feeling anyhow.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

It would depend on the level of communication/or closeness you have with your family or those you're close to.
Personally, i'm an advocate of just disappearing, but it requires elaborate ground work, such as limiting or distancing one's self for a set period of time before the act, or making people think not hearing/knowing about you is something that's normal.
This has taken me a long time to achieve and personally, im quite happy about it. However, if you do prefer to just fade away and disappear, you have to factor that in to your CTB method too, as these people would definitely have to deal with the aftermath when you're eventually found.

I think the cases for saying goodbye/closures are important are based off of case studies/instances wherein the focus was on the ones left behind, but no case studies exist (as far as I know of) where the family or those that were left behind were doing...ok? hence the generally leaning towards the need for closure.

on a more logical level, i find it difficult? i guess to understand the value of closure when I think about it. Every person has something or the other that they have to worry about. Money, health, constant bombardment of social media, etc. I highly doubt my passing would actually make a dent, regardless if they knew it or not. But that's just me.

 

[Abyssal]

Confirmed

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

You could leave a note or schedule an email to confirm your death without the body being found. And then there's this other debate about people's need to bury a physical body (people will go for great lengths to return corpses of dead people just for burial)

 

[Forever_Sleep]

For me, and what I'm planning to do, is confirmed but someone else finds the body. This way they get closure, but not the shock of finding you

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Its the difference between them knowing you are gone versus feeling like your a ghost still waiting on you coming back.

My brother died, had to see his body to truly know, yep he's gone.

 

[baabbaabbaab]

I'd love going missing.

 

[Life'sA6itch]

A confirmation of death would be important for them, perhaps a note specific to loved ones individually or as a group could provide some answers and/or closure. However, you will have no control over who sees your body once you're gone unless you've literally got a bulldog of a bodyguard standing by at various times immediately after your death. You don't know, they could bust down a door/unlock doors to get to your literally or in theory. Also, you never know who your family knows and could grant them a favor to see your body or get answers you'd rather them not have either.