Help Would it be a good idea to snort a huge dose of pyrazolam or other water soluble benzo before drinking sn?

[HopefulSleep]

I had the idea to buy pyrazolam and add it to the benzo regimen, I already have bromazolam but the problem is taking a benzo orally takes long to take effect and makes the timing harder.

My idea was to snort a small dose pyrazolam and then go to the place to prepare the sn drink, it should take effect when I am there already and then before drinking the sn I would snort a megadose so that I don't feel the bad effects of the sn or even pass out, is this even a good idea?

The biggest problem I see with this is that I would maybe pass out before I could drink the second glass if I vomit so how long could it take to vomit if I vomit the sn out at most?

Also is there any available rc benzo that can be smoked on foil?
With that I could smoke a megadose if the sn effects are really bad to pass out.
I read that Flunitrazepam is smokable but I can't find much about which rc benzos are smokable.

 

[shantyizlit]

If you're going to snort a small dose of the pyrazolam beforehand make sure that it's a dose that you won't black out on and seeing that it works in the low miligram ranges you'd need a really expensive scale to accurately measure out a dosage that won't put your head in the dirt so to say. Just eyeballing your benzo powder is a recipe for disaster, well it's fine when it doesn't matter if you take too much anyway like when you're planning to use it for ctb.

I don't know too much about the SN method as that is not my preferred way to go, but you would probably like to be on the safe side and have consumed your preparation BEFORE you snort your benzo as this can kick in within minutes and especially with high doses you could black out before you even know it. This is just what I assume based on what I know as I don't have any experience snorting benzodiazepines.
Seeing as pyrazolam is a benzodiazepine with an effect that is intermediate-acting maybe you could have some leeway with time before you snort and pass out, I honestly don't know.

I have no clue which benzos that can be vaporized, but I do know that it's possible with some benzos to put in a PG solution and vape the sucker. I haven't researched it too much recently.

that's all I got hope it was worth something

 

[day]

I recommend avoiding "large" doses of benzos. Yes benzos will help you with anxiety and heart rate but take to much and it will greatly increase your anxiety and you may black out before completing the regimen.

Don't get me wrong SI is a very complex anxiety so I do recommend taking more than you normally would to control anxiety/panic but not enough to impair you.

I'm only experienced with Xanax so take my measurements with a grain of salt. I was prescribed .5mg Xanax as needed. I will be taking 2-3mg for my SN regimen. Yes that's a rather large jump but I also took them for awhile and know how they work. I'll also be taking them alongside propranolol so both drugs will make me fairly tired but I shouldn't be to cloudy mentally to follow through with the rest of my CTB.

Best of luck OP.

 

[shantyizlit]

I recommend avoiding "large" doses of benzos. Yes benzos will help you with anxiety and heart rate but take to much and it will greatly increase your anxiety and you may black out before completing the regimen.

Don't get me wrong SI is a very complex anxiety so I do recommend taking more than you normally would to control anxiety/panic but not enough to impair you.

I'm only experienced with Xanax so take my measurements with a grain of salt. I was prescribed .5mg Xanax as needed. I will be taking 2-3mg for my SN regimen. Yes that's a rather large jump but I also took them for awhile and know how they work. I'll also be taking them alongside propranolol so both drugs will make me fairly tired but I shouldn't be to cloudy mentally to follow through with the rest of my CTB.

Best of luck OP.

It wasn't my experience that even larger doses would exacerbate the anxiety actually quite the contrary plus it would give me even more euphoria.. so your mileage may vary.

 

[HopefulSleep]

If you're going to snort a small dose of the pyrazolam beforehand make sure that it's a dose that you won't black out on and seeing that it works in the low miligram ranges you'd need a really expensive scale to accurately measure out a dosage that won't put your head in the dirt so to say. Just eyeballing your benzo powder is a recipe for disaster, well it's fine when it doesn't matter if you take too much anyway like when you're planning to use it for ctb.

What about crushing up pyrazolam pellets and snorting that?
I would know which exact dose I would have and the disadvantages of snorting pills wouldn't matter cause I will die.

Btw do you know any other water soluble benzo I could use?

I don't know too much about the SN method as that is not my preferred way to go, but you would probably like to be on the safe side and have consumed your preparation BEFORE you snort your benzo as this can kick in within minutes and especially with high doses you could black out before you even know it. This is just what I assume based on what I know as I don't have any experience snorting benzodiazepines.
Seeing as pyrazolam is a benzodiazepine with an effect that is intermediate-acting maybe you could have some leeway with time before you snort and pass out, I honestly don't know.

What I am afraid of is that with a large benzo dose I won't pass out but be semi conscious and do some dumb stuff and mess the ctb up.

I have no clue which benzos that can be vaporized, but I do know that it's possible with some benzos to put in a PG solution and vape the sucker. I haven't researched it too much recently.

I don't want to buy a e cigarette and vape juice and mix it up I will ask on a drug forum which rc benzos are smokable, I only know that Flunitrazepam is smokable but that is not an rc and also very expensive.

that's all I got hope it was worth something

Yea thanks for answering.

I recommend avoiding "large" doses of benzos. Yes benzos will help you with anxiety and heart rate but take to much and it will greatly increase your anxiety and you may black out before completing the regimen.

I didn't know that it is possible that benzos could increase anxiety for some cause well the main effect is calming you down.

That is why I would take it shortly before or after drinking the sn so I black out before I drank it but then the problem is if I vomit and have to drink the second glass and then can't.

Don't get me wrong SI is a very complex anxiety so I do recommend taking more than you normally would to control anxiety/panic but not enough to impair you.

It is mostly about taking something fast acting in a high dose so that I won't feel the sn effects.

Best of luck OP.

Thanks.

 

[HerculePoirot]

Better to ingest SN with an empty stomach, so don't eat or drink anything else in your final 30 minutes.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Better to ingest SN with an empty stomach, so don't eat or drink anything else in your final 30 minutes.

Sorry but what does this have to do with this post?
It is about benzos and they are recommended against the anxiety and it is even about snorting here so nothing in the stomach.

 

[HerculePoirot]

My bad, sorry. Good luck anyway.

 

[HopefulSleep]

My bad, sorry. Good luck anyway.

Thanks

 

[shantyizlit]

What about crushing up pyrazolam pellets and snorting that?
I would know which exact dose I would have and the disadvantages of snorting pills wouldn't matter cause I will die.

Btw do you know any other water soluble benzo I could use?

What I am afraid of is that with a large benzo dose I won't pass out but be semi conscious and do some dumb stuff and mess the ctb up.

I don't want to buy a e cigarette and vape juice and mix it up I will ask on a drug forum which rc benzos are smokable, I only know that Flunitrazepam is smokable but that is not an rc and also very expensive.

Yea thanks for answering.

I didn't know that it is possible that benzos could increase anxiety for some cause well the main effect is calming you down.

That is why I would take it shortly before or after drinking the sn so I black out before I drank it but then the problem is if I vomit and have to drink the second glass and then can't.

It is mostly about taking something fast acting in a high dose so that I won't feel the sn effects.

Thanks.

The disadvantage of crushing up pellets to my understanding is that all the filler will get in the way of absorption, you should be fine with that for your small dose, I don't know how large these pills are but most of them are filler, once you get enough of that shit up your schnozz absorption will halt to a minimum I assume. It really depends on how big the pellets are if this is doable or not, there really is only so much that can go up your nose.
I know from my own ctb study that triazolam and midazolam are water soluble therefore snortable and also good for rectal administration, I don't have much info on RC's since those are harder for me to come by personally.
I don't know if this works for your pyrazolam (you could test it out) but it is possible to extract benzos from their pills with the likes of alcohol and then you could administer it rectally or maybe if you have something high proof you could evaporate all the alcohol off and snort the remains, even if it's a small amount of liquid this can still be snorted to high effect, something like monkey water which you do with heroin. (btw I'm just a huge fan of rectal administration from my studies it seems perfect.)

From my experience you completely black out on higher dosages of benzodiazepines (but maybe the pain of ctb could draw you back into reality) but it's definitely still possible to do dumb shit while blacked out, which I've done.
I've read about a lot of recommendations of benzos for ctb and they all advocate for this putting you to sleep.. I am unsure.. but maybe if you took all that you need to take and then tried to lie down as you would for sleep, especially if you did it at night time (assuming that's when you normally sleep), then it might promote you to be in an unconscious state akin to sleep? idk man.

Yeah good luck finding an rc benzo which is known to be abused by way of vaporization, I don't think this is a route of administration that a lot of people go for especially because oral administration is so effective when it comes to bioavailability. It's just that I've heard rc benzo vape juice being done is all.
Maybe you can vaporize some rc benzos off of foil, you can always buy and try if you can't find anything on the internet about it.

Also I can see how it would be problematic to be passed out on the benzos and unable to take another dosage of your prepared SN if it comes to you vomiting, there's even the chance you do something stupid like stick your fingers in your throat while blacked out and try to undo the whole thing, but I generally think (THINK) that as higher as the dosages go the more sedating and lethargic it gets and leaves you less and less unable to move.
Try to double check this with your doctor.. just kidding wish they could help.

Good luck man hope you the best.

 

[HopefulSleep]

The disadvantage of crushing up pellets to my understanding is that all the filler will get in the way of absorption, you should be fine with that for your small dose, I don't know how large these pills are but most of them are filler, once you get enough of that shit up your schnozz absorption will halt to a minimum I assume. It really depends on how big the pellets are if this is doable or not, there really is only so much that can go up your nose.

Yea didn't think about it, the pellets are rather big.

Btw do you know any weak water soluble benzo that I could eyeball?

I don't know if this works for your pyrazolam (you could test it out) but it is possible to extract benzos from their pills with the likes of alcohol and then you could administer it rectally or maybe if you have something high proof you could evaporate all the alcohol off and snort the remains, even if it's a small amount of liquid this can still be snorted to high effect, something like monkey water which you do with heroin. (btw I'm just a huge fan of rectal administration from my studies it seems perfect.)

Too complicated.

From my experience you completely black out on higher dosages of benzodiazepines (but maybe the pain of ctb could draw you back into reality) but it's definitely still possible to do dumb shit while blacked out, which I've done.

Then I will probably just take a small dose cause I don't want to do dumb shit.
With taking it oral the timing could be hard.

I've read about a lot of recommendations of benzos for ctb and they all advocate for this putting you to sleep.. I am unsure.. but maybe if you took all that you need to take and then tried to lie down as you would for sleep, especially if you did it at night time (assuming that's when you normally sleep), then it might promote you to be in an unconscious state akin to sleep? idk man.

I will take the sn at day and not in a sleeping position.

Yeah good luck finding an rc benzo which is known to be abused by way of vaporization, I don't think this is a route of administration that a lot of people go for especially because oral administration is so effective when it comes to bioavailability. It's just that I've heard rc benzo vape juice being done is all.

You would have instant anxiety relief cause of the rapid onset.
I can also imagine it kicking in harder generelly when smoked but yea there is no rush so it is not worth it for most people probably.

Maybe you can vaporize some rc benzos off of foil, you can always buy and try if you can't find anything on the internet about it.

I don't have money for multiple benzos to test whether I can smoke them (I know smoking is the wrong term in this context btw I just like it better).
I will ask on a german drug forum.

Also I can see how it would be problematic to be passed out on the benzos and unable to take another dosage of your prepared SN if it comes to you vomiting

That is true and the biggest problem I think.

there's even the chance you do something stupid like stick your fingers in your throat while blacked out and try to undo the whole thing, but I generally think (THINK) that as higher as the dosages go the more sedating and lethargic it gets and leaves you less and less unable to move.

Is it even possible to do anything on a really high benzo dose (like 100mg pyrazolam)?

Good luck man hope you the best.

Thanks and I like your pfp btw.

 

[shantyizlit]

Yea didn't think about it, the pellets are rather big.

Btw do you know any weak water soluble benzo that I could eyeball?

Too complicated.

Then I will probably just take a small dose cause I don't want to do dumb shit.
With taking it oral the timing could be hard.

I will take the sn at day and not in a sleeping position.

You would have instant anxiety relief cause of the rapid onset.
I can also imagine it kicking in harder generelly when smoked but yea there is no rush so it is not worth it for most people probably.

I don't have money for multiple benzos to test whether I can smoke them (I know smoking is the wrong term in this context btw I just like it better).
I will ask on a german drug forum.

That is true and the biggest problem I think.

Is it even possible to do anything on a really high benzo dose (like 100mg pyrazolam)?

Thanks and I like your pfp btw.

Btw do you know any weak water soluble benzo that I could eyeball?

Midazolam comes to mind and there are definitely vendors on the deep web markets dealing in germany, but I assume you meant RC benzos or at least powder. These come in tablets.

Too complicated.

Yeah sadly there's been done the utmost to make sure that people can't just have an easy time in this life, especially an easy out.
I don't want my ctb to be too complicated either because it would be hard to bother with.

You would have instant anxiety relief cause of the rapid onset.

From what I've read it would still take a couple minutes for it to set in, definitely still the fastest onset though apart from IV.

I will ask on a german drug forum.

good luck.

Is it even possible to do anything on a really high benzo dose (like 100mg pyrazolam)?

I highly doubt that was the case, but I've definitely overdosed on benzos and been walking around talking my ass off and shit. I would mostly worry about that happening if you black out from a lower dose.

Thanks and I like your pfp btw.

hehe if only I had an unlimited supply of copium like so many people on this earth seem to do, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have to wake up tomorrow.

 

[Tesha]

As someone who's been long term prescribed 4mg clonazepam a day, I wouldn't recommend snorting it. I tried a few times, to see if the effects would be quicker and help following a flashback. They weren't…. Mainly because all it does is clog up your nostrils. It's not like snorting coke etc. it's like snorting cement.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Midazolam comes to mind and there are definitely vendors on the deep web markets dealing in germany, but I assume you meant RC benzos or at least powder. These come in tablets.

If it is also in pill form then it would also be unsuitable to snort, right?

Yeah sadly there's been done the utmost to make sure that people can't just have an easy time in this life, especially an easy out.
I don't want my ctb to be too complicated either because it would be hard to bother with.

There are countless reasons for suicide it makes no sense that they force people to live and especially cause pro lifers don't know what pain is they life in such a weird delusional world as if they are constantly on drugs it is so weird for me.

I highly doubt that was the case, but I've definitely overdosed on benzos and been walking around talking my ass off and shit. I would mostly worry about that happening if you black out from a lower dose.

This all still seems too risky, I think I will take a low dose broma and just endure the side effects of sn.

hehe if only I had an unlimited supply of copium like so many people on this earth seem to do, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have to wake up tomorrow.

The reason why we are depressed is cause we were born with Jenkem in our system jk.

As someone who's been long term prescribed 4mg clonazepam a day, I wouldn't recommend snorting it. I tried a few times, to see if the effects would be quicker and help following a flashback. They weren't…. Mainly because all it does is clog up your nostrils. It's not like snorting coke etc. it's like snorting cement.

Is Clonazepam even water soluble?

 

[Tesha]

Is Clonazepam even water soluble?

You can get dissolvable ones on prescription, so it all depends on what you can obtain. Mine are dissolvable.

 

[HopefulSleep]

You can get dissolvable ones on prescription, so it all depends on what you can obtain. Mine are dissolvable.

So did it not hit harder cause there are so much fillers in it?

 

[shantyizlit]

As someone who's been long term prescribed 4mg clonazepam a day, I wouldn't recommend snorting it. I tried a few times, to see if the effects would be quicker and help following a flashback. They weren't…. Mainly because all it does is clog up your nostrils. It's not like snorting coke etc. it's like snorting cement.

Plus it's not water soluble so it just doesn't make sense to do so, only a few benzos work this way.

If it is also in pill form then it would also be unsuitable to snort, right?

There are countless reasons for suicide it makes no sense that they force people to live and especially cause pro lifers don't know what pain is they life in such a weird delusional world as if they are constantly on drugs it is so weird for me.

This all still seems too risky, I think I will take a low dose broma and just endure the side effects of sn.

The reason why we are depressed is cause we were born with Jenkem in our system jk.

Is Clonazepam even water soluble?

If it is also in pill form then it would also be unsuitable to snort, right?

No you can still snort it if it's water soluble to great effect, the problem will just be the filler clogging up your nose as mentioned earlier, it would be a lot easier if you could just snort the pure powder.
If you were to not snort an exorbitant amount it would work very nicely still.
People often snort stuff like oxycodone pills after breaking them down into fine powder.

There are countless reasons for suicide it makes no sense that they force people to live and especially cause pro lifers don't know what pain is they life in such a weird delusional world as if they are constantly on drugs it is so weird for me.

I don't think they don't know what pain is, and I also think they might have at times thought about suicide. The thing is the experience was fleeting for them, and if they imagine as they are now (living without much complication) if they had killed themselves in that state of being low, they would see it as a very regrettable decision because they still enjoy life. So they imagine a lot of people must just be temporarily down in the dumps and can't see any way out and therefore want to ctb because it is the easy solution. People have a hard time imagining things outside the scope of their own experience.
Even if the pain is only fleeting suicide still makes sense from a personal perspective since it emancipates you from suffering altogether and once you're dead there is no you to regret the decision. I think it should even be permissible to take your own life if you only have the monday blues, because it is your life and your decision, the main argument is always how it will affect the people around you, but it is simply not their life to give or take.
I don't think most people are completely satisfied with the way their lives are, and they might just see suicidal people as unable to cope with this dissatisfaction.. which is definitely true for a lot of people that just keep going although there is this lack of satisfaction with life, and if suicide were easily and readily available a lot of people would most likely opt out.
My opinion is that most pro-lifers are like crabs in a bucket, their SI and sense of ego and self-worth is too high to fathom themselves to ctb, as this is only reserved for people who aren't worth anything, weak people that are out of place in the world and the insane. They simply can't imagine themselves not living life on this earth which they worked for and having all that work amount to nothing. They put up with the temporary states of dissatisfaction, like when they have to force themselves out of bed every morning to go to a job they would rather be without, so they can do something with their free time that they deem satisfactory or something that is a reason to live life as a whole. They simply can not fathom that for some people life is nothing but torment and will never get better, especially with how psychiatry and other mental health treatments have been shilled, most people don't even go down that road so they know nothing about it's effectiveness, but they know that these options are there and they think when you're in contempt with life that there are still options and solutions by way of therapy or medication. This is simply a lie they've been sold, so they feel more on solid ground in their day to day lives, if something were to go wrong options still exist that can get them back on track.
Don't get me wrong for some, maybe even many, therapy and all that shebang works, but for people who have been through that and seen no improvement or have had their lives destroyed even further from that, life just seems completely hopeless. Because the lie that we were sold about help being available and recovery possible is just like religion.. to make people feel at ease and keep feeding the machine.
It's like monkey see monkey do, everyone's just living their lives not necessarily complaining that it's so dissatisfactory that they want to ctb, the world is flooded with people that just keep living life day by day, and why would it be any different for them? People ultimately think that there is something in life that makes it worth living, and that must be why everyone else keeps going. Most people are just blinded by ignorance to unbearable suffering until the day that it knocks on their door, which is often when they've grown very old and they get a lot of complications and ailments. And most old people just don't complain, maybe they just don't think anyone wants to put up with their complaining, I don't know, what I do know is that there are a lot of old people in complete misery and there is nothing done about that, it's not like these old people have the energy to start revolting en masse, and even if they do they would just be seen as grumpy old people.
You don't have to look any further than how we treat old people to see how insufferable pro-lifers and their opinions towards suicide are, when there are old people in unbearable suffering that can't even ask for a better way out than being sedated on alleviating medicine like opioids and benzodiazepines while their illness slowly devours them, or they lose the desire/ability to drink or eat and slowly decay through starvation or thirst.

You don't have to look further than the slaughter of animals that live in obscene conditions, only so that we can be fed a meal that is as tasty and cheap as possible; to see that we don't really have empathy towards others than ourselves, and we only show sympathy, if at all, to those we can directly see suffering in front of us. Most people would be very hesitant to personally slaughter a chicken then eat it, but happily buy chicken breasts at 1€ off at the super market.

People simply come up with the grandest of delusions as to why people should be living in the first place, because if they had a negative opinion towards this they wouldn't want to live in the first place and that is the scariest thing in existence, thinking about how much time one has on this earth, but not voluntarily want to live any of it.

When we were using black people as slaves, we simply could not see past the fact that they were humans deserving of rights just as ourselves, deserving of freedom.
And we're not better nowadays, if only just a very tiny bit, we don't give people the freedom to choose their own destiny when it comes to such a personal thing as committing suicide. Obviously we can't let everyone be free to choose to do whatever they want or criminality would be rampant, but the consequence of criminality is inflicted upon others, where suicide is only inflicted upon oneself.

Pro-lifers, especially those in power (an important one being medical ethics, since they're basically the ones that decide whether assisted suicide should be legal or not) push their own philosophical opinions of the world upon others. But they also one day will end up in unbearable misery and probably regret they didn't make assisted suicide a thing, as this state of being is almost unavoidable.
I have no doubt in my mind that assisted suicide will become readily available, as did social equality become the norm for people who were treated essentially like animals in the past. We just have to transcend into a new paradigm as a society. As people inherently believe that suicide is wrong, just because everyone thinks that way, people will undoubtedly in the future proclaim suicide as a human right of the highest order in the future, as we will treat animals better.
Philosophically many of us are still living in the stone age, but because we live in modernity we think we've got it all figured out, so the opinions we have are very solidified as they are echo-ed again and again by almost everyone, for example that suicide is absolutely horrible and no one should consider it.
sorry for going off on a tangent but this triggers me.

This all still seems too risky, I think I will take a low dose broma and just endure the side effects of sn.

I hope the suffering won't be too much to handle, I really do wish you the very best with this.
Maybe opiates could help even better as they also quell pain, while benzos only really reduce anxiety and chill you out. I don't think a non-blackout dose of benzos will do a whole lot, but would definitely be better than nothing.

The reason why we are depressed is cause we were born with Jenkem in our system jk.

Is Clonazepam even water soluble?

No it is not and that's probably why he had such a bad time snorting it, it's practically not bioavailable at all with this route of administration.

You can get dissolvable ones on prescription, so it all depends on what you can obtain. Mine are dissolvable.

All I know of is clonazepam that comes in a PG solution that can be drunk. Do you get actual pills that you can then put in water to dissolve, or how does that work?

So did it not hit harder cause there are so much fillers in it?

Clonazepam is simply not very bioavailable through intranasal administration that was probably the biggest problem.

 

[HopefulSleep]

I don't think they don't know what pain is, and I also think they might have at times thought about suicide. The thing is the experience was fleeting for them, and if they imagine as they are now (living without much complication) if they had killed themselves in that state of being low, they would see it as a very regrettable decision because they still enjoy life. So they imagine a lot of people must just be temporarily down in the dumps and can't see any way out and therefore want to ctb because it is the easy solution. People have a hard time imagining things outside the scope of their own experience.
Even if the pain is only fleeting suicide still makes sense from a personal perspective since it emancipates you from suffering altogether and once you're dead there is no you to regret the decision. I think it should even be permissible to take your own life if you only have the monday blues, because it is your life and your decision, the main argument is always how it will affect the people around you, but it is simply not their life to give or take.
I don't think most people are completely satisfied with the way their lives are, and they might just see suicidal people as unable to cope with this dissatisfaction.. which is definitely true for a lot of people that just keep going although there is this lack of satisfaction with life, and if suicide were easily and readily available a lot of people would most likely opt out.
My opinion is that most pro-lifers are like crabs in a bucket, their SI and sense of ego and self-worth is too high to fathom themselves to ctb, as this is only reserved for people who aren't worth anything, weak people that are out of place in the world and the insane. They simply can't imagine themselves not living life on this earth which they worked for and having all that work amount to nothing. They put up with the temporary states of dissatisfaction, like when they have to force themselves out of bed every morning to go to a job they would rather be without, so they can do something with their free time that they deem satisfactory or something that is a reason to live life as a whole. They simply can not fathom that for some people life is nothing but torment and will never get better, especially with how psychiatry and other mental health treatments have been shilled, most people don't even go down that road so they know nothing about it's effectiveness, but they know that these options are there and they think when you're in contempt with life that there are still options and solutions by way of therapy or medication. This is simply a lie they've been sold, so they feel more on solid ground in their day to day lives, if something were to go wrong options still exist that can get them back on track.
Don't get me wrong for some, maybe even many, therapy and all that shebang works, but for people who have been through that and seen no improvement or have had their lives destroyed even further from that, life just seems completely hopeless. Because the lie that we were sold about help being available and recovery possible is just like religion.. to make people feel at ease and keep feeding the machine.
It's like monkey see monkey do, everyone's just living their lives not necessarily complaining that it's so dissatisfactory that they want to ctb, the world is flooded with people that just keep living life day by day, and why would it be any different for them? People ultimately think that there is something in life that makes it worth living, and that must be why everyone else keeps going. Most people are just blinded by ignorance to unbearable suffering until the day that it knocks on their door, which is often when they've grown very old and they get a lot of complications and ailments. And most old people just don't complain, maybe they just don't think anyone wants to put up with their complaining, I don't know, what I do know is that there are a lot of old people in complete misery and there is nothing done about that, it's not like these old people have the energy to start revolting en masse, and even if they do they would just be seen as grumpy old people.
You don't have to look any further than how we treat old people to see how insufferable pro-lifers and their opinions towards suicide are, when there are old people in unbearable suffering that can't even ask for a better way out than being sedated on alleviating medicine like opioids and benzodiazepines while their illness slowly devours them, or they lose the desire/ability to drink or eat and slowly decay through starvation or thirst.

Wow long paragraph sorry that my reply is short.
Better phrased, their pain isn't stronger than their enjoyment in life.
To me happy people seem like npc's even if the world was good it doesn't seem enjoyable doing the same stuff everyday as a conscious being but I can see that if they don't have any problems it isn't enough for them to ctb.
am pretty sure if they had a very bad life they wouldn't be against suicide and that shows me that empathy is not understanding someone else emotional but more thinking you can understand someone else emotionally or else the pro lifers wouldn't do it.
I think most pro lifers don't really look into the problems of individuals at all or else they would understand that for some disorders there is literally no cure the only thing that can be done is "learning to live with it", it is such a dumb phrase "learning to live without functioning arms and legs and no vision" as if that is not worse than death it makes no sense at all.
My problems are hard to solve and therapists were failing really hard.
The argument I heard the most from therapists is that other humans would be sad if I were dead, the thing is that isn't even true I don't have friends and my family is bad I would literally loose no one and besides that even if I had people who would miss me it would still be my choice, that is like prohibiting unhealthy things cause others don't want to see you in that position it is not their fucking lifes.

You don't have to look further than the slaughter of animals that live in obscene conditions, only so that we can be fed a meal that is as tasty and cheap as possible; to see that we don't really have empathy towards others than ourselves, and we only show sympathy, if at all, to those we can directly see suffering in front of us. Most people would be very hesitant to personally slaughter a chicken then eat it, but happily buy chicken breasts at 1€ off at the super market.

We live in a delusional world, everything is just so fake.

When we were using black people as slaves, we simply could not see past the fact that they were humans deserving of rights just as ourselves, deserving of freedom.
And we're not better nowadays, if only just a very tiny bit, we don't give people the freedom to choose their own destiny when it comes to such a personal thing as committing suicide. Obviously we can't let everyone be free to choose to do whatever they want or criminality would be rampant, but the consequence of criminality is inflicted upon others, where suicide is only inflicted upon oneself.

The system makes no sense and humans are selfish.

Pro-lifers, especially those in power (an important one being medical ethics, since they're basically the ones that decide whether assisted suicide should be legal or not) push their own philosophical opinions of the world upon others. But they also one day will end up in unbearable misery and probably regret they didn't make assisted suicide a thing, as this state of being is almost unavoidable.
I have no doubt in my mind that assisted suicide will become readily available, as did social equality become the norm for people who were treated essentially like animals in the past. We just have to transcend into a new paradigm as a society. As people inherently believe that suicide is wrong, just because everyone thinks that way, people will undoubtedly in the future proclaim suicide as a human right of the highest order in the future, as we will treat animals better.
Philosophically many of us are still living in the stone age, but because we live in modernity we think we've got it all figured out, so the opinions we have are very solidified as they are echo-ed again and again by almost everyone, for example that suicide is absolutely horrible and no one should consider it.

Humanity is so advanced but morally they are so far behind, while things like the supermarkets are possible on the other site others die from hunger.

I hope the suffering won't be too much to handle, I really do wish you the very best with this.

My life is suffering, I just hope the 20 minutes aren't too bad.
Sadly they can't just give me an opioid injection for euphoria and then a lethal barbiturate dose for death this is how I would like to die but sadly that is not possible even death has to be like shit.

Maybe opiates could help even better as they also quell pain, while benzos only really reduce anxiety and chill you out. I don't think a non-blackout dose of benzos will do a whole lot, but would definitely be better than nothing.

Opiates will higher the vomiting chance, not a good idea with sn.

 

[shantyizlit]

Wow long paragraph sorry that my reply is short.
Better phrased, their pain isn't stronger than their enjoyment in life.
To me happy people seem like npc's even if the world was good it doesn't seem enjoyable doing the same stuff everyday as a conscious being but I can see that if they don't have any problems it isn't enough for them to ctb.
am pretty sure if they had a very bad life they wouldn't be against suicide and that shows me that empathy is not understanding someone else emotional but more thinking you can understand someone else emotionally or else the pro lifers wouldn't do it.
I think most pro lifers don't really look into the problems of individuals at all or else they would understand that for some disorders there is literally no cure the only thing that can be done is "learning to live with it", it is such a dumb phrase "learning to live without functioning arms and legs and no vision" as if that is not worse than death it makes no sense at all.
My problems are hard to solve and therapists were failing really hard.
The argument I heard the most from therapists is that other humans would be sad if I were dead, the thing is that isn't even true I don't have friends and my family is bad I would literally loose no one and besides that even if I had people who would miss me it would still be my choice, that is like prohibiting unhealthy things cause others don't want to see you in that position it is not their fucking lifes.

We live in a delusional world, everything is just so fake.

The system makes no sense and humans are selfish.

Humanity is so advanced but morally they are so far behind, while things like the supermarkets are possible on the other site others die from hunger.

My life is suffering, I just hope the 20 minutes aren't too bad.
Sadly they can't just give me an opioid injection for euphoria and then a lethal barbiturate dose for death this is how I would like to die but sadly that is not possible even death has to be like shit.

Opiates will higher the vomiting chance, not a good idea with sn.

as if that is not worse than death it makes no sense at all.

You're saying that as if death was even a bad thing.. I would say all in all it's a neutral state of affairs. The problem is how people view it as such a negative thing because of our culture.

My problems are hard to solve and therapists were failing really hard.

Therapists just make me miserable.. There is a solution to my problems and it's simply to overcome my lack of motivation and go hard on self-improvement. I was doing that for a long time, trying to live like a monk with yoga meditation qi-gong and whatnot all day every day. I just can't bring myself to do this anymore, and the only real viable solution that any therapist has is medication, which was what fucked me up to begin with. I just don't personally believe in psychiatric medication at all, I don't think it does the world a whole lot of good. It's such a simple thing, I just need the motivation back that I had before I was involuntarily medicated, if they weren't so oblivious to the fact that the medication they give to me follow with such huge negative consequences I might be where I was. But they always insist over and over again that I need to be on this awful medication and they will just not listen, they're not just failing hard they've completely ruined my life.
A part of schizophrenia (which I'm diagnosed I don't necessarily think I have it) is a lack of insight into one's own disease, so they just assume I can't speak for myself when it comes to whether the medication is good for me or not, because I "'cant see" the flaws which the medication supposedly fixes.
It's fucked up beyond belief they can just gaslight me into believing whatever they want me to believe with no real repercussions because they're just doing their job.
At least I don't live in a country where they would bill me personally for psychiatric treatment like in America, that would've made this so much more fucked up. At least it's free. If I had to be in debt for the rest of my life just for getting fucked in the ass by people who think they know my circumstances better than me because society has made up some invisible disease called schizophrenia, I would probably be a lot more angry towards society.
Like I honestly kind of understand mass-shooters, I would have so much more hatred for these motherfuckers.

The argument I heard the most from therapists is that other humans would be sad if I were dead, the thing is that isn't even true I don't have friends and my family is bad I would literally loose no one and besides that even if I had people who would miss me it would still be my choice, that is like prohibiting unhealthy things cause others don't want to see you in that position it is not their fucking lifes.

Would the pain your loved ones would have to bear be as unbearable as the conditions you're going through though.. and wouldn't the answer for them then also to ctb? I know it's kind of out there, but suffering can be reduced to null by death. It just seems like the proper answer for most of life's bothers. My parents are a huge factor in why I've ended up in this situation to begin with. If they were to feel bad when I died, and they probably will, it will probably be because they wanted to do things differently in the hopes that I would not have ended up ctb. But these are the consequences of their actions, and it's not for me to deal with. I am not so sadistic that I will leave them with a suicide note shaming and blaming them, but whether they feel good or bad about my death I ultimately do not care, because at least to a certain extent they deserve to feel bad about their actions. I don't really talk to them anyways so it doesn't matter. Plus I have no friends, it's only my immediate family that will be struck by my death.
And yeah if killing yourself is SO BAD, then why aren't we physically restraining morbidly obese people from eating themselves into an even bigger mess day by day they just get to walk around ensuring themselves, at the very least, misery in the future and a whole lot of mental and physical complications. If we don't give suicidal people the freedom to choose their own actions, then why are we letting the obese just get fatter and fatter. Obviously they can 'go get help' with a doctor or psychiatrist if they so decided that would be worth their time and money, but ultimately many fail to get the help they need to get to a healthy weight. This also immensely effects the people around them, never knowing when the time is going to come that their mental or physical health reaches it's breaking point.
I just use this as an example because I thought about it in my daily life today. These people are basically passively ctb slowly without doing it intentionally. Doesn't it make more sense to restrict these kinds of people, because they're inevitably eating themselves into demise without the intent to do so? Rather than to restrict people who have thought through their decision and actually want to ctb?
I mean it's a fucked up world, it really is.

We live in a delusional world, everything is just so fake.

Yes everyone is high on 'copium' ;)

The system makes no sense and humans are selfish.

It makes sense in the way that it proved profitable for the people made it, at this point those people could be long gone and see no more gain from their decisions made in power, their simple greed for things to be in the way they'd want it the most ruins it for others. I think the world has for a very long time just been a grab for power by different tribes, clans, families and/or people. And the system came to be as a result of that. An agreement that could be settled upon. The system has been built from the ground up piece by piece from early time to modern time. Maybe as certain parts of the system came to be they made sense, but looking at it as a whole as it is today is just morbid. Like fuck people are just randomly wasting money on huge cars and designer shoes when all that lavishness is the result of some poor suckers in 3rd/2nd world countries working their asses off under very poor circumstances. We could even be spending that money on helping these people, but in their daily lives modern people simply just don't give a fuck. They just want their own lives to be as great as possible. If they actually KNEW the cost of their lives upon the less unfortunate it would be impossible for them to live with it, so they just don't think about it. But everyone knows that people in china work under very poor conditions, everyone knows that TONNES of people are starving in Africa, but tonight they're cooking lasagna and once they have a vacation from work they're going to some fancy hotel in another country. And some people like to think of themselves as not selfish just because they helped someone out in school or at work or at home or something, or because they're putting dinner on the table for THEIR OWN(belonging to them) children.
Honestly as the world is now it's better off completely gone, but I have very high hopes that one day the world will become a utopia, as we have put much ignorance of the past behind us, surely we will so too in the future.. unless we're all gone in a nuclear war or something.

Humanity is so advanced but morally they are so far behind, while things like the supermarkets are possible on the other site others die from hunger.

Yeah most humans could look at a child and see a more morally complex being because it hasn't been tainted by society and indoctrinated by it's culture. Wolves eat other animals because they're hungry. They literally don't have the consciousness to philosophize whether this is good or bad, so they're acting in neutrality.
But almost everyone knows that animals suffer during the process in which they are made to be meat, and most people also know that it is possible to live on at the very least a vegetarian diet, yet they do not change their ways.
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. -Albert Einstein
If you do nothing about the evil you are part of it.

My life is suffering, I just hope the 20 minutes aren't too bad.

I really hope so too.

Sadly they can't just give me an opioid injection for euphoria and then a lethal barbiturate dose for death this is how I would like to die but sadly that is not possible even death has to be like shit.

That would be preferable, especially in amounts that are confirmed to be reliably lethal with a method of administration that is also equally as reliable.
But at least death will be peaceful.. or so I hope. This can't be hell, right?

Yeah I want my last moments to be as good as possible, which is why I've decided to go with a heroin OD. I'm just too much of a pussy to inflict more pain upon myself, the only reason I'm only leaving is because it's too uncomfortable to be alive, the last thing I want is even more discomfort..

Opiates will higher the vomiting chance, not a good idea with sn.

Oh, yeah true I forgot about that.

seriously all this shit needs to change.. fast. I hope I can convey a good point in my suicide note which I will leave in digital format on a USB drive. I hope this then will be shared across the world(if the content is actually satisfactory) and people will openly start to discuss assisted suicide, because as the conditions are this is quite literally close to being like hell.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Sorry for replying late and short again.

You're saying that as if death was even a bad thing.. I would say all in all it's a neutral state of affairs. The problem is how people view it as such a negative thing because of our culture.

Depends if you have a great life death would be a bad thing but would maybe save you from something bad that would happen otherwise.

Therapists just make me miserable.. There is a solution to my problems and it's simply to overcome my lack of motivation and go hard on self-improvement. I was doing that for a long time, trying to live like a monk with yoga meditation qi-gong and whatnot all day every day. I just can't bring myself to do this anymore, and the only real viable solution that any therapist has is medication, which was what fucked me up to begin with. I just don't personally believe in psychiatric medication at all, I don't think it does the world a whole lot of good. It's such a simple thing, I just need the motivation back that I had before I was involuntarily medicated, if they weren't so oblivious to the fact that the medication they give to me follow with such huge negative consequences I might be where I was. But they always insist over and over again that I need to be on this awful medication and they will just not listen, they're not just failing hard they've completely ruined my life.
A part of schizophrenia (which I'm diagnosed I don't necessarily think I have it) is a lack of insight into one's own disease, so they just assume I can't speak for myself when it comes to whether the medication is good for me or not, because I "'cant see" the flaws which the medication supposedly fixes.
It's fucked up beyond belief they can just gaslight me into believing whatever they want me to believe with no real repercussions because they're just doing their job.
At least I don't live in a country where they would bill me personally for psychiatric treatment like in America, that would've made this so much more fucked up. At least it's free. If I had to be in debt for the rest of my life just for getting fucked in the ass by people who think they know my circumstances better than me because society has made up some invisible disease called schizophrenia, I would probably be a lot more angry towards society.
Like I honestly kind of understand mass-shooters, I would have so much more hatred for these motherfuckers.

I also have no motivation, life is meaningless to me and I hate it not being a child.
Yea antidepressants can be really bad.
Sorry I can't really relate to your problems but I hope you can find relief.
Mass shooters depends whether they kill innocents or bullies if it is morally not ok.

Would the pain your loved ones would have to bear be as unbearable as the conditions you're going through though.. and wouldn't the answer for them then also to ctb? I know it's kind of out there, but suffering can be reduced to null by death. It just seems like the proper answer for most of life's bothers. My parents are a huge factor in why I've ended up in this situation to begin with. If they were to feel bad when I died, and they probably will, it will probably be because they wanted to do things differently in the hopes that I would not have ended up ctb. But these are the consequences of their actions, and it's not for me to deal with. I am not so sadistic that I will leave them with a suicide note shaming and blaming them, but whether they feel good or bad about my death I ultimately do not care, because at least to a certain extent they deserve to feel bad about their actions. I don't really talk to them anyways so it doesn't matter. Plus I have no friends, it's only my immediate family that will be struck by my death.
And yeah if killing yourself is SO BAD, then why aren't we physically restraining morbidly obese people from eating themselves into an even bigger mess day by day they just get to walk around ensuring themselves, at the very least, misery in the future and a whole lot of mental and physical complications. If we don't give suicidal people the freedom to choose their own actions, then why are we letting the obese just get fatter and fatter. Obviously they can 'go get help' with a doctor or psychiatrist if they so decided that would be worth their time and money, but ultimately many fail to get the help they need to get to a healthy weight. This also immensely effects the people around them, never knowing when the time is going to come that their mental or physical health reaches it's breaking point.
I just use this as an example because I thought about it in my daily life today. These people are basically passively ctb slowly without doing it intentionally. Doesn't it make more sense to restrict these kinds of people, because they're inevitably eating themselves into demise without the intent to do so? Rather than to restrict people who have thought through their decision and actually want to ctb?
I mean it's a fucked up world, it really is.

I hate my parents and past friends.
I think a person has the right to do everything they want with their life as long as it doesn't conflict others, things like living unhealthy or suicide only inflicts others cause THEY want you to be something you don't want which I find weird.

Yes everyone is high on 'copium' ;)

But for real I would be really interested on how they do it, I cna understand that as a child you can be happy but how as an adult when you already know all the shit and have problems?

It makes sense in the way that it proved profitable for the people made it, at this point those people could be long gone and see no more gain from their decisions made in power, their simple greed for things to be in the way they'd want it the most ruins it for others. I think the world has for a very long time just been a grab for power by different tribes, clans, families and/or people. And the system came to be as a result of that. An agreement that could be settled upon. The system has been built from the ground up piece by piece from early time to modern time. Maybe as certain parts of the system came to be they made sense, but looking at it as a whole as it is today is just morbid. Like fuck people are just randomly wasting money on huge cars and designer shoes when all that lavishness is the result of some poor suckers in 3rd/2nd world countries working their asses off under very poor circumstances. We could even be spending that money on helping these people, but in their daily lives modern people simply just don't give a fuck. They just want their own lives to be as great as possible. If they actually KNEW the cost of their lives upon the less unfortunate it would be impossible for them to live with it, so they just don't think about it. But everyone knows that people in china work under very poor conditions, everyone knows that TONNES of people are starving in Africa, but tonight they're cooking lasagna and once they have a vacation from work they're going to some fancy hotel in another country. And some people like to think of themselves as not selfish just because they helped someone out in school or at work or at home or something, or because they're putting dinner on the table for THEIR OWN(belonging to them) children.
Honestly as the world is now it's better off completely gone, but I have very high hopes that one day the world will become a utopia, as we have put much ignorance of the past behind us, surely we will so too in the future.. unless we're all gone in a nuclear war or something.

Yea empathy is just the delusion of thinking you understand someone else cause if it would really be understand problems emotionally people would do aynthing to help the poor people who produce those things.
Why do you think an utopia is possible?

Yeah most humans could look at a child and see a more morally complex being because it hasn't been tainted by society and indoctrinated by it's culture. Wolves eat other animals because they're hungry. They literally don't have the consciousness to philosophize whether this is good or bad, so they're acting in neutrality.
But almost everyone knows that animals suffer during the process in which they are made to be meat, and most people also know that it is possible to live on at the very least a vegetarian diet, yet they do not change their ways.
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. -Albert Einstein
If you do nothing about the evil you are part of it.

Children are happier life forms, I could play with toys back then the whole time and now it doesn't make fun, it sucks to be an adult.

I really hope so too.

SN can be painful but I will die atleast if I am not found and don't vomit it all out.
I will do it in an unused room at the highest floor of the house my apartment is in when the others are at work, it would be really unlucky if they decided to use that room in the exact moment I am dying of sn.
For vomiting I will prepare two extra glasses so I can drink them if I vomit.

That would be preferable, especially in amounts that are confirmed to be reliably lethal with a method of administration that is also equally as reliable.
But at least death will be peaceful.. or so I hope. This can't be hell, right?

Yea it would be so wonderful to nod off forever but now we have to use fucking curing salts and what not cause nitrogen and charcoal are only possible in an apartment you can't drag that to a hotel and use it there easily.

Yeah I want my last moments to be as good as possible, which is why I've decided to go with a heroin OD. I'm just too much of a pussy to inflict more pain upon myself, the only reason I'm only leaving is because it's too uncomfortable to be alive, the last thing I want is even more discomfort..

WHich road of administration?
I tried to od by snorting multiple grams and it wasn't really euphoric but vision was blurry and I just slept but I was found sadly.
Heroin isn't strong enough to ctb except maybe injecting or boofing and even then I would rather use rc opioid.

seriously all this shit needs to change.. fast. I hope I can convey a good point in my suicide note which I will leave in digital format on a USB drive. I hope this then will be shared across the world(if the content is actually satisfactory) and people will openly start to discuss assisted suicide, because as the conditions are this is quite literally close to being like hell.

You really think you can change something with a suicide note?
Not to downplay it but how would you do it?

 

[shantyizlit]

Sorry for replying late and short again.

Depends if you have a great life death would be a bad thing but would maybe save you from something bad that would happen otherwise.

I also have no motivation, life is meaningless to me and I hate it not being a child.
Yea antidepressants can be really bad.
Sorry I can't really relate to your problems but I hope you can find relief.
Mass shooters depends whether they kill innocents or bullies if it is morally not ok.

I hate my parents and past friends.
I think a person has the right to do everything they want with their life as long as it doesn't conflict others, things like living unhealthy or suicide only inflicts others cause THEY want you to be something you don't want which I find weird.

But for real I would be really interested on how they do it, I cna understand that as a child you can be happy but how as an adult when you already know all the shit and have problems?

Yea empathy is just the delusion of thinking you understand someone else cause if it would really be understand problems emotionally people would do aynthing to help the poor people who produce those things.
Why do you think an utopia is possible?

Children are happier life forms, I could play with toys back then the whole time and now it doesn't make fun, it sucks to be an adult.

SN can be painful but I will die atleast if I am not found and don't vomit it all out.
I will do it in an unused room at the highest floor of the house my apartment is in when the others are at work, it would be really unlucky if they decided to use that room in the exact moment I am dying of sn.
For vomiting I will prepare two extra glasses so I can drink them if I vomit.

Yea it would be so wonderful to nod off forever but now we have to use fucking curing salts and what not cause nitrogen and charcoal are only possible in an apartment you can't drag that to a hotel and use it there easily.

WHich road of administration?
I tried to od by snorting multiple grams and it wasn't really euphoric but vision was blurry and I just slept but I was found sadly.
Heroin isn't strong enough to ctb except maybe injecting or boofing and even then I would rather use rc opioid.

You really think you can change something with a suicide note?
Not to downplay it but how would you do it?

Sorry for replying late and short again.

no problem :3

Depends if you have a great life death would be a bad thing but would maybe save you from something bad that would happen otherwise.

Yeah comparatively, something like death which I deem neutral is obviously far worse than something overly positive like an awesome life.. wish I had one.

I also have no motivation, life is meaningless to me and I hate it not being a child.

Yeah I wish I could go back to those days where I didn't constantly compare everything I do in my life to ctb, because I actually deemed life worth living. I could just play video games for a whole day being so consumed by it and having so much fun.

Mass shooters depends whether they kill innocents or bullies if it is morally not ok.

I just think it's morally wrong to kill anyone at all, unless they ask for it themselves.

I think a person has the right to do everything they want with their life as long as it doesn't conflict others, things like living unhealthy or suicide only inflicts others cause THEY want you to be something you don't want which I find weird.

Yeah people are so eager to impose their own opinions on others. So many people think they know much better than others. I also really don't see the reason to meddle with people doing something unhealthy or risky, it is ultimately their own decision. But in this world there are just people that demand that they have an authority over others.

But for real I would be really interested on how they do it, I cna understand that as a child you can be happy but how as an adult when you already know all the shit and have problems?

I honestly just think that most people just still have this child-like and innocent view of the world and are like playing in a garden still. Most people are completely oblivious towards the grand suffering that exists in the world. How do they even live with themselves taking a holiday and just wasting time to experience something good for themselves when there are people in massive suffering like in Africa.. how can they just not care? lol

Yea empathy is just the delusion of thinking you understand someone else cause if it would really be understand problems emotionally people would do aynthing to help the poor people who produce those things.

Exactly it would quite literally be killing them if they did have empathy.

Why do you think an utopia is possible?

It's just the fact that technological advancement has come so far, like it's unthinkable we went from stupid apes playing with rocks to having iphone's and 5G internet all over the place. I wouldn't even be surprised if we invented a time machine at some point in the future lol. I just think with the scale of development increasing further and further exponentially at some point it would be impossible for this place to not become something out of a dream. The world has been a lot worse than it is today. But then again with these advancements comes more powerful weapons of war, it really wouldn't shock me either if we all just died in a nanosecond from some sci-fi bomb or something that evaporated the entire planet into dust, just because we as humans apparently can't get along.

Children are happier life forms, I could play with toys back then the whole time and now it doesn't make fun, it sucks to be an adult.

Yeah I fucking hate seeing children playing around and having fun. I just don't get it.. how is that possible, excuse me child but what you are doing is very dumb and makes no sense.. how are you entertained?

SN can be painful but I will die atleast if I am not found and don't vomit it all out.
I will do it in an unused room at the highest floor of the house my apartment is in when the others are at work, it would be really unlucky if they decided to use that room in the exact moment I am dying of sn.
For vomiting I will prepare two extra glasses so I can drink them if I vomit.

I really hope that everything goes as well as possible for you.

Yea it would be so wonderful to nod off forever but now we have to use fucking curing salts and what not cause nitrogen and charcoal are only possible in an apartment you can't drag that to a hotel and use it there easily.

Fortunately for me I have a decent amount of money, so I could just rent a place and set up my ctb method there. But the only thing I need is probably a maximum of 24h alone for the method that I am going with.

WHich road of administration?
I tried to od by snorting multiple grams and it wasn't really euphoric but vision was blurry and I just slept but I was found sadly.
Heroin isn't strong enough to ctb except maybe injecting or boofing and even then I would rather use rc opioid.

I will be administering it rectally. From what I've found the LD100 for morphine is actually not excessively high, I think the biggest problem for people to OD on heroin are that they are getting heroin that is filled with a lot of cutting agent and therefore pretty weak. The LD100(lethal in 100% of specimens) shouldn't be much higher than 150mg of pure heroin. I should be getting some decent stuff, I will definitely test it out before I use it to ctb. It might be cut with an rc opioid, the problem for me is that I can't find any reliable RC vendors for this stuff, I know my way around the dark web markets much better. Plus I'm quite hesitant to use an RC opioid because they can have a lot of different effects not just on the opioid receptors..
Also I read that you're from germany so what you got was probably #3 heroin, and I've tried snorthing that too, the problem is that it's not water soluble so it isn't very effective if you just snort it. I will be mixing 5g of heroin with citric acid and as little water as possible, then do multiple 1ml injections (boof) until I end up passing out or having a hard time standing up.
And saying you just slept, that sounds good enough for me honestly, doesn't sound like it was a horrible experience.. and that's also what I've read online that you mostly just black out.

You really think you can change something with a suicide note?
Not to downplay it but how would you do it?

I don't know but it would give me fulfillment to at least try. My dad is very into facebook and virtue signaling and so on, so if I leave a video that is actually heartfelt and makes sense he might share it on facebook and it could go viral, at least that I hope. It's just to give the rest of my life a little bit more meaning. I have always been very good at convincing others of my point of view, and have been very good at talking (but that's years ago).
I would just get very high and rely on charisma lol.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Yeah comparatively, something like death which I deem neutral is obviously far worse than something overly positive like an awesome life.. wish I had one.

The downside of having a good life is that it can get way worse.

Yeah I wish I could go back to those days where I didn't constantly compare everything I do in my life to ctb, because I actually deemed life worth living. I could just play video games for a whole day being so consumed by it and having so much fun.

When did that end for you?

I just think it's morally wrong to kill anyone at all, unless they ask for it themselves.

I understand revenge and I would take revenge if that wouldn't get in the way of ctb.

Yeah people are so eager to impose their own opinions on others. So many people think they know much better than others. I also really don't see the reason to meddle with people doing something unhealthy or risky, it is ultimately their own decision. But in this world there are just people that demand that they have an authority over others.

As if we were children.

I honestly just think that most people just still have this child-like and innocent view of the world and are like playing in a garden still. Most people are completely oblivious towards the grand suffering that exists in the world. How do they even live with themselves taking a holiday and just wasting time to experience something good for themselves when there are people in massive suffering like in Africa.. how can they just not care? lol

Yea they probably weren't exposed to much pain or realization.

It's just the fact that technological advancement has come so far, like it's unthinkable we went from stupid apes playing with rocks to having iphone's and 5G internet all over the place. I wouldn't even be surprised if we invented a time machine at some point in the future lol. I just think with the scale of development increasing further and further exponentially at some point it would be impossible for this place to not become something out of a dream. The world has been a lot worse than it is today. But then again with these advancements comes more powerful weapons of war, it really wouldn't shock me either if we all just died in a nanosecond from some sci-fi bomb or something that evaporated the entire planet into dust, just because we as humans apparently can't get along.

I think with better technology it will become a dystopia.

Yeah I fucking hate seeing children playing around and having fun. I just don't get it.. how is that possible, excuse me child but what you are doing is very dumb and makes no sense.. how are you entertained?

THe fully developed human brain is a very bad thing, it can think too much, I am pretty sure animals are happier.

I really hope that everything goes as well as possible for you.

Thanks.

Fortunately for me I have a decent amount of money, so I could just rent a place and set up my ctb method there. But the only thing I need is probably a maximum of 24h alone for the method that I am going with.

Then you could take a non lethal dose of your favorite drug and do charcoal so you can die with your favorite feeling.

I will be administering it rectally. From what I've found the LD100 for morphine is actually not excessively high, I think the biggest problem for people to OD on heroin are that they are getting heroin that is filled with a lot of cutting agent and therefore pretty weak. The LD100(lethal in 100% of specimens) shouldn't be much higher than 150mg of pure heroin. I should be getting some decent stuff, I will definitely test it out before I use it to ctb. It might be cut with an rc opioid, the problem for me is that I can't find any reliable RC vendors for this stuff, I know my way around the dark web markets much better. Plus I'm quite hesitant to use an RC opioid because they can have a lot of different effects not just on the opioid receptors..
Also I read that you're from germany so what you got was probably #3 heroin, and I've tried snorthing that too, the problem is that it's not water soluble so it isn't very effective if you just snort it. I will be mixing 5g of heroin with citric acid and as little water as possible, then do multiple 1ml injections (boof) until I end up passing out or having a hard time standing up.
And saying you just slept, that sounds good enough for me honestly, doesn't sound like it was a horrible experience.. and that's also what I've read online that you mostly just black out.

Sorry but does LD100 mean it will kill you for sure if not intervented?
You can't get pure heroin even on dn afaik.
You can get rc opioid on dn.
Is there any info on how an rc opioid overdose can feel?
Why will you boof in 1ml intervals instead of all at once?

I don't know but it would give me fulfillment to at least try. My dad is very into facebook and virtue signaling and so on, so if I leave a video that is actually heartfelt and makes sense he might share it on facebook and it could go viral, at least that I hope. It's just to give the rest of my life a little bit more meaning. I have always been very good at convincing others of my point of view, and have been very good at talking (but that's years ago).
I would just get very high and rely on charisma lol.

Hope it works out.

 

[shantyizlit]

The downside of having a good life is that it can get way worse.

When did that end for you?

I understand revenge and I would take revenge if that wouldn't get in the way of ctb.

As if we were children.

Yea they probably weren't exposed to much pain or realization.

I think with better technology it will become a dystopia.

THe fully developed human brain is a very bad thing, it can think too much, I am pretty sure animals are happier.

Thanks.

Then you could take a non lethal dose of your favorite drug and do charcoal so you can die with your favorite feeling.

Sorry but does LD100 mean it will kill you for sure if not intervented?
You can't get pure heroin even on dn afaik.
You can get rc opioid on dn.
Is there any info on how an rc opioid overdose can feel?
Why will you boof in 1ml intervals instead of all at once?

Hope it works out.

The downside of having a good life is that it can get way worse.

Yeah it's not that my life is even that bad now, it's just comparing it to what I used to makes my current situation seem so fucking bad. And even for anyone that has a good life there's a chance that it can turn bad quick, or at least when you grow old you will face severe complications that compromised your quality of life.. that's really scary.

When did that end for you?

I stopped enjoying other video games than competitive e-sports somewhere along the way, and only played video games like that. I just wanted to be really good at a video game and maybe become a streamer or something. And at some point it was just the same video game that I would play over and over again in most of my free time(League of Legends), but at this time I still enjoyed it. Then I got psychosis at 17, and was fed quite high doses of antipsychotic medicine daily. My skills for the video game got worse, and at some point I just got kind of bored with everything. I would be bored and just play another game to kill the boredom because I knew if I played a match I would get absorbed in the game and not think about the boredom, but every time after I matched I kinda didn't feel like starting a new one.. but I still did. That part got a lot better again after I stopped taking the medicine. But the worst was that I was locked up in a psych ward for 11 months in a row, and I was playing video games a lot in there. But you don't have a proper office chair or table so the ergonomics were horrible and I'd still play. Then at some point I just couldn't really hold my arm up to use my mouse to play video games, it happened kind of spontaneously.. and then I started having pain. After this I pretty much could not play anymore and I started mostly consuming media instead, and what I really liked about the video games were this rush of doing something very skill intensive and complicated in a flawless manner, so after a while I got really fed up with just consuming media and decided I either really start doing something with my life or end it. At that point I really could not accept the notion of ending it all, so I ended up doing more and more self-improvement. And all this worked very well for me actually, it's just that a recent involuntary injection of a depot antipsychotic completely ruined all my motivation, passion and drive for doing self-improvement.. I couldn't even go for a walk without being miserable. The psychiatry really just ruined me.
It's just with time things got less fun but I still ultimately liked doing them, but the antipsychotic medicine was a death-sentence for my quality of life and the enjoyment of it.

I understand revenge and I would take revenge if that wouldn't get in the way of ctb.

I just don't see the point in meddling with things as they are, when I'm about to die anyway. I just don't really have anyone to blame, I think it's a great shame that the psychiatric system is the way that it is, and the only real thing I feel like I can do about it is a very sensible suicide note, the best revenge I could get is to change the opinions of others. If there is anyone to blame for the way that things are now I wouldn't know who it is, it's not really my parents fault they are the way they are, and they behaved the way they did, that led me to a lot of misery. It's just the way that society is, and I just don't know who has manipulated society to become the way that it is. Like my parents instead of sitting down and having a serious talk with me, while I was slightly psychotic they just up and called the police and had them take me away to a psychiatric institution. And that was very selfish of them, because they just didn't want me to inconvenience them. If I take revenge upon them personally by maybe calling them out in my suicide note for what they did, that would never change what had happened, and they will probably feel guilty for what they've done. All in all it would just make them feel bad, and I don't want anyone to feel worse than they already are. They will just be in grief about what they could have done differently, it's not like they will ever be in the situation again, so that I could make them behave differently if that were the case. I could probably get them to think a lot about themselves, but at best I could give them an existential crisis or something.. and I'm just not one to increase the suffering in the world, maybe they could end up in the same position that I am and want to ctb, and that's some of the worst experience you can have on this earth.
Also I would certainly not murder them or anything, that would never change anything.
They relied on psychiatry being effective, which is what most people think, even though that's not really the case. They really believe it could make positive impact on my life, and that's just a lie they believed. So if there's anyone I should take revenge on it's the psychiatry, or maybe the doctors that treated me so badly. But killing those doctors wouldn't change anything. And how do I start changing the psychiatric system, when that's the only thing that would satisfy my need for revenge, that it wouldn't treat people so badly.. I just can't think of anything else than making a sensation and a spectacle out of my suicide and leaving a good suicide note.

As if we were children.

Yes, there are just some(if not many) people in this world that just feel so vastly superior to others, that they feel it is necessary to control them.

Yea they probably weren't exposed to much pain or realization.

Yes, I think we as people are very sheltered from the painful existences of the unfortunate. But even in less fortunate countries, I'm specifically thinking about 2nd world countries, they see so many people around them in miserable conditions and just choose not to care and do anything about it. There's just a lack of selflessness in people when it comes to helping others, because they're so busy helping themselves, because their lives aren't perfect either.
But I think what you said is especially true in 1st world countries, people barely have a grasp on the excruciating suffering that, for example, people who want to ctb are in. They are friends with people who don't mind being alive and who aren't in hell, work with these kinds of people and live with these kinds of people. Their day to day lives are just so devoid of these unfortunate souls who live in complete misery, so they barely even think about it. But like, everyone knows there are starving people in Africa and every single day they choose to do nothing about it. I think it's almost a voluntary obliviousness from everyone, because if they don't think about it they don't feel like they have to do something about it.
It's also that many people have faith in the system, the system that is failing millions of people right now. But since the system is working decently in their favor they don't necessarily have an immediate sense of needing to change it or revolt against it. They believe because their lives are tolerable, that everyone can end up living this way. They just have a faith in the system because it works for them, when the ones that the system is failing, have a clear disdain for it, and have a demand for it to change.
I just think most people in 1st world countries haven't been exposed to prolonged unbearable misery, and are therefore completely oblivious to the fact that this is the experience of many people.

I think with better technology it will become a dystopia.

I don't know, I just have a baseless faith in the moral values inherent in human culture. These virtues that we all know about and preach, but maybe don't necessarily practice in our daily lives. When in a philosophical debate, most of us could come to the conclusion that we need to be virtuous and good, it's just that when no one is looking it's just much easier to not do these things the way they should be done.
But in all likelihood with better technology we as a population could become more vulnerable to abuse by the people in power who want to keep us weak-minded and sedated in spirit, and it becomes easier and easier to do this while no one notices.
I already think we are in a dystopia lol. I just think with something like AI, that can intellectualize for us, objectively so, it can help us bring the equilibrium we need in society. Where there aren't people who are just looked up to, because they're in a position of power that they've somehow manipulated themselves into, who control society. But the control is coming from a computer program that doesn't stand to gain anything from manipulating society in the way that works best for itself, like many politicians do.
Honestly I don't know and I don't care I will be dead by then.
In the end it really is just 'Hopium', I just don't think I want to see such a negative outcome for the human race.
I just think 'good' is a much more powerful force than 'evil' in this world, because people would rather think of themselves as good.

THe fully developed human brain is a very bad thing, it can think too much, I am pretty sure animals are happier.

Yeah I often look at dogs that are out for a walk and they just look so fucking happy lol, I'm kinda jealous. Always kinda wished I was a cat when I was a child xd I wonder if dogs could realize how much they're being oppressed and abused by humans on a mass scale, if they would start to feel a lot worse about their situations. I mean we kind of are just using them as biological toys.

Then you could take a non lethal dose of your favorite drug and do charcoal so you can die with your favorite feeling.

I don't know man, I'm just so fucking deadset on dying by a heroin overdose. I haven't studied too much on other common, reliable and peaceful ways to ctb. I just imagine to do the charcoal method you would still have to be unconscious to not feel the negative effects of it. And I worry that SI would kick in when the air in my tent or room would start to become very weird and uncomfortable to breathe in.
I just don't know too much about it I suppose, but I'm fairly confident about my overdose, it just really is the easiest way for me to go. Maybe it's dumb..

Sorry but does LD100 mean it will kill you for sure if not intervented?
You can't get pure heroin even on dn afaik.
You can get rc opioid on dn.
Is there any info on how an rc opioid overdose can feel?
Why will you boof in 1ml intervals instead of all at once?

LD100 is a dosage that is lethal in 100% of specimens.
Yeah I know I likely won't get pure heroin, but even if it's only 30% +spiked with a high potency opioid, it will by my research be enough. I will test the drug before I use it to ctb, to see if a very low amount will be enough to get me very high, in that case I would feel quite confident about the method.
Sadly RC opioids are not being used by a lot of people, it's only really fentanyl that you can do consistent research on. I've just read that some of the rc opioids also trigger dopamine receptors, or/and cause stimulation alongside the sedating effects. It's the same case as tramadol for me, I wouldn't do because you are prone to seizures. It probably wouldn't even matter too much because you would be blacked out at that point, and with the right dose you will die regardless. I just want to ensure that it is as peaceful as possible. And I think heroin are fentanyl is the closest you can get to N in terms of peacefulness.
I will be boofing 1ml at a time because there is a certain spot in the ass you need to hit where it has the best absorption, and from what I've read on boofing (never done it before will practice it a bit before I ctb) it is most reliably done with a 1ml syringe, and this causes no leakage. It's mostly because the guide on boofing that I follow recommends a 1ml syringe, and to administer a following up to 5-6 dosages reliably without it leaking out of your butt again.
I don't think a 10ml syringe would be something I could go for, for boofing. But maybe a 5ml could be done. I was thinking about testing with this, but I just don't have a whole lot of time to test out a lot of shit. I will have friday to monday morning, probably would have to ctb sunday night at the latest. And I need to find the right spot for maximum absorption, and I know for a fact that it should work with a 1ml syringe I just need to get the hang of it.

There are probably better ways of going about my method to ctb, but I do feel quite confident with what I'm going to do, and I'm heavily unmotivated and lazy I really don't want to do much more than die in my life anymore..

 

[shantyizlit]

Actually I just exacted revenge upon someone, I couldn't even help myself from doing it and it felt good. But now it just makes me feel worse about the situation happening that made me want to do revenge in the first place..
I think concerning the things and people that made me want to ctb, I just think that what they did is so long ago any emotional attachment I had to it is long gone.. I was filled with hatred a long time ago but I guess it just slowly dissipated.