Venting Would I fail a second attempt?

[hottogo]

Hi! Haven't talked here in a while but I'm here.

Things have been a struggle and I've been pointing fingers. It's not my Mom's fault I'm ill and it's not my Grandma's either. I was just a horrible child, and they did the best they could with me.

Everyone around me is suffering for what feels like my mistakes. Mistakes that I couldn't make up for, and things I can't even do properly, so improperly that no one even believes I can do it. I'm such a fuck up that I couldn't even succeed on my first attempt. My body just threw all the pills up and I went to bed.

I am so fucking pathetic, and my world is crashing around me. Why didn't I just die the first time I tried? Now I feel like I made everything worse by expressing that I want to attempt again because I thought I deserved or wanted the help. Maybe this time, I could've actually gone through with it.

There's a lot of pills in this house, and I feel like it's time. It's finally time. Not right now, but soon. I have to do this. I have to correct my mistakes, and make up for my sins. Someone has to pay, and it should be me. It's so dramatic but I have to do it. I feel like it's the right thing.

 

[Jadeith]

There's a lot of pills in this house,

Don't. With very few and rare exceptions, overdosing unknown amount of unspecified pills will most likely leave you with broken health (liver and kidney damage) but still alive and in greater pain than before.

Non-methods that should not be attempted

mod note: this has been added to the suicide resource compilation at the top. This has been made in response to the ever increasing amount of posts made about highly unlikely methods. Please read before posting about one of these methods or feel free to link if someone does post about them...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I have to do this.

No, you don't. You can do it but no pressure should be present. It's your choice, not your duty.

I have to correct my mistakes, and make up for my sins.

And in the eyes of others, your death will solve nothing and make up for nothing. Will only bring more suffering if any of them care for you in any way. And from what you said they do.