Discussion Would having a partner /bf or gf help the pain ?

[nohopenohappiness]

I don't believe love or a relationship can truly "fix" anything as I would probably cause the other person to become sad just like me .

 

[Hirokami]

I actually used to depend on relationships to "fix" me, though it just ended up making me a lot worse as I became codependent and tolerated any shitty behavior. I'd rather not depend on people to "fix" me as they'll end up hurting me instead.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

messed up as it is, the largest part of my self worth is based on being with someone. When I'm in my own, that's when I feel worthless and sink into the depression. I've always been this way and I don't know how to change it.
Having a partner gives me a purpose and something to focus on, and that stops me from feeling the way I naturally do.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I think it depends on the root cause of your pain. If it's just loneliness, then it may fix things. If it's general depression, I doubt it will make things 100% better.

 

[Venus13]

I think it's a strange mix of absolutely and absolutely not.

I feel relationships of any kind apply pressure when you're rapidly bleeding out. It's truly invaluable. There's no denying the power it has. It allows blood to flow back to the heart, back to the brain, and to regain strength throughout. Human connection, comfort, and support can help you survive the immediate dangers that are about to take you out. It's a hand when you're drowning.

Once safe and sound in the comfort of a familiar, loving companion, absolutely not. The deep, long-lasting healing journey is done entirely within and entirely independent of external presence. It's a journey of the self and there's no way around that. Any relationship where the element of independent healing of that pain is shoved to side will go wrong at some point, and you'll end up much worse off.

So if you're underwater, a stable connection is fine to try to establish in my opinion. I don't believe sufferers should sit alone in their sorrows. Obviously some kinds of relationships are more stable than others and I think most of us have an intuitive sense of what that means. People come and go though, we all know that, we have to do the independent work.

 

[lionetta12]

I don't believe love or a relationship can truly "fix" anything as I would probably cause the other person to become sad just like me .

With how people use and abuse me and then cheat or leave me when they have sucked everything they can out of me, I suppose the answer for me now is no.

 

[LastFlowers]

I don't believe love or a relationship can truly "fix" anything as I would probably cause the other person to become sad just like me .

I don't believe such a thing either.
Especially where romance is concerned, as that's arguably the most conditional and superficially based relationship category in existence.
Character faults and flaws are often ignored at the expense of everyone else (or even at the expense of one or both parties directly involved) and agreeable traits are blown out of proportion.
It's more likely to create additional problems or only put the original ones on hold while you tend to the other person's whims and fancies and live in a rose tinted haze…sometimes losing individuality and independence in the process.
If someone can't hold their own or fix their problems/maintain solutions without another person's constant influence, that's a recipe for disaster.
I see examples of it on this site all the time.
(Especially the fallout.)
Confusing toxic codependence for healthy companionship.



But as far as someone out there giving an actual damn about you, hearing you, acknowledging your pain and suffering and agreeing that you have every right and reason to end said suffering..the sort of 'love' that asks for nothing but your story..simply a human nod respecting your struggle..now that could be invaluable.
Even if it doesn't "save" you..it would be remarkably comforting and affirming.
I think everyone desires that much at least.

 

[Ashu]

Everything is more bearable when you're getting laid.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I used to think it would but now I think I'm so messed up, I wouldn't want to inflict that on another person. Think my ideas on love were pretty naive and fairytale material. Expect the real thing would be nothing like that. In some ways, I think it would feel even more lonely to feel like this around someone else. Personally speaking, it feels much calmer and nicer not to even want all that now.

 

[Sadboyspecimen]

Yes, but no. I do long for a relationship. But my extreme paranoia makes me so mistrustful that my last partner was so miserable when we were together. I would need to be with someone who understands me completely and thinks the same way I do, otherwise a relationship will just create more problems again.

 

[mrselfdestruct]

In some ways, yes. I have a partner and he is the only reason I've been able to last this long, but in the same vein, I have only dragged him down and made him miserable. It doesn't fix things, but having a shoulder to lean on can help. However, be careful that you aren't dragging them down with you, especially if you plan to ctb soon.

 

[Life_and_Death]

no, love has been making me hate myself more....i want to kms for him because he would be so much better off...everything has my head spinning back to "youre doing everyone a favor by kys". it wont pass but ill get back to a point where ill talk to him again and within seconds "nope, youre worthless, what were you thinking!? hes better off with you gone". literally him showing me love made me hate myself. its not him, its just me...

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Depends on the person, depends on the other person, and depends on the relationship.

I'd throw almost everything everyone says about this (that isn't backed by very strong arguments) in the trash, since there is a huge advantage to being wrong about this subject. Never forget that many use thinking to get results, rather than to be correct. The advantage ends up, ironically, being an increased chance of getting into various relationships. If we were talking about physical needs people would be more straightforward and less insane. "Yeah, water doesn't taste that good, but you need it.", "I'm fine, because I've had water fairly recently, so I can survive a bit without it." Now we get shit like "grass is always greener" told to someone that's never had a relationship, it's a joke.

From what I've seen online, guys like myself almost invariably "recover" in one of two ways: They either kickstart themselves a bit (self-development, new job), and then get a girlfriend. Or, they just get the girlfriend right away.

 

[ghosties]

I don't believe love or a relationship can truly "fix" anything as I would probably cause the other person to become sad just like me .

Tingly Voice on YouTube's what I run to after I sob cry. It pulls me out of the numbness too
Love is like cocaine at first .. it can help some others no.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

im unable to obtain a partner or get laid as i have a micropenis.

One of the major reasons im ending things.

 

[almaranthine]

nope. I used to believe "love" could mend me as a person... as a kid it was the only thing I imagined would be good about growing up. I was sure I would experience love. It breaks my heart to think about the naive child that I was, sitting there, holding on to this hope, this fantasy of love. never happened for me... and won't help me now after everything that has happened to me.

 

[AloneInCollege]

I'm not sure. I want to say yes as I always have the weight of crippling loneliness on me. However, it's literally impossible for someone to truly love me so the only way I could ever have that is by tricking someone into being with me and that's not exactly a solid foundation of a relationship. Plus I would probably just metaphorically drag them down with me. I've been told that being around me is tough because I bum people out.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Love can be healing and give life meaning

 

[myfinalform]

if she/he truly loves you i think is good to have gf/bf, help with loneliness

 

[makethepainstop]

if she/he truly loves you i think is good to have gf/bf, help with loneliness

There is nothing to me as sweet, as being held in the arms of bad ass dude that loves you. Not for everyone, but sure works for me.

 

[myfinalform]

There is nothing to me as sweet, as being held in the arms of bad ass dude that loves you. Not for everyone, but sure works for me.

Yes, cuddle must be sweet like honey, holding hands, sleeping together, all that cute stuff. easy your mind i bet

 

[nopride86]

From experience? Not really. In fact, it makes it all much more complicated.
I'm really grateful for my partner, it makes suffering day-to-day worth it. But it doesn't fix it, really. If anything, it's another factor to consider when trying to ctb. Another note, another guilt. We strive here to cause as little harm and trauma to others as possible when considering methods and yet, if your partner is innocent in all of this, it's actively passing that trauma along. Idk.

 

[makethepainstop]

Yes, cuddle must be sweet like honey, holding hands, sleeping together, all that cute stuff. easy your mind i bet

Its sounds weird but when I was having a hard day at work... I'd get home and three minutes hug from a certain guy named named Mike, and it was like an instant recharge for me. Like his bruit force and his strength gave me strength. Guess I'm weird even for being gay.

 

[FuneralCry]

It would only make things worse and cause more problems, and it's just another thing to lose. Nothing can really ease the pain of living, especially the presence of humans. People can certainly be unreliable and disappointing and even worse they can create such extreme suffering.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I met my current partner about a year ago, in the midst of this latest battle with suicidal ideation. I had basically given up on recovery at the time, and didn't think I'd last past my 29th birthday. I'm still alive thanks to her. I was open about my suicidal ideation and struggles early on, but she has always assured me that my burdens were not too great to share. She has been an immense source of comfort and love in my life when I had convinced myself I was completely unlovable in my current state. So I'd saying being in a relationship CAN help.

At the same time, I feel like it has only slowed down my death spiral. Each major downswing in my mood I feel like I lose another part of myself, like I'm that much closer to being able to conquer SI. I spend more time planning to ensure my success. So I can just one day say I've had enough and leave.

I feel a great sense of guilt over having a partner. I do believe I've dragged her down with me to some extent. I've even mentioned multiple times if it's too much, I'd understand if she needed to leave. But she still sticks around, which gives me some reason to stick around. I recognize I'm completely codependent, but I'm not sure how to survive otherwise.

 

[Sad_Sack]

Unless loneliness is your problem probably not. I am married and I can say that in my situation, with my personal issues, it does not help. Honestly it complicated things. She's stressed and unhappy because I am basically a lump of misery now and also I'm guilty and worried about my suicide affecting her.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't see how dragging someone else into your problems fixes anything. It's like placing a band-aid on a severed artery, IMO.

 

[JamesUK]

I've never had a gf so I can't really answer. I imagine having someone compatible would be amazing. On the other hand, a succubus would guarantee death.

 

[ShatteredSoul]

I was happiest in a relationship when things were good but unfortunately they ended up doing awful things to me. I've been through hell and it's left me feeling unlovable and not good enough. I'm 37 now and I don't think I'll ever find my person and the loneliness is soul crushing and painful.

 

[Sourdough]

I don't believe love or a relationship can truly "fix" anything as I would probably cause the other person to become sad just like me .

It would make no difference to me. The only thing that could fix me is if my disease could be cured