Discussion would ever imagine yourself to be here

[gggy]

Have you ever imagined yourself to end up here in SS or that you might ctb in the future, what would younger you think, when did it all go wrong?

 

[Aim]

Hello. :) never ever in my wildest imagination did i ever think so. So your not alone, if that's also how you are feeling.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had ideation since age 10 and even before that, there were 3 close family deaths so- by the time I understood what death and suicide were- no- it probably wouldn't surprise me that I would be considering it one day. How about you?

 

[kane9191kosugi]

Not SS considering I just found out about this site this year, but the thought of me eventually ctb has always been lingering my head since childhood.

I already knew I was fucked up when I was living in Japan as a kid because I always felt socially awkward and never really fit within "groups" (but at that time I would try to be in a "cool kids table", like most kids do at that age).
After spending a couple years in North America during Junior high, I actually felt more comfortable (although there were struggles here and there), and I already had this sense of feeling that by returning to Japan for high school (which I had to due to my parents job), I was going on a downfall from here on.

And it turned out exactly as I predicted. I actually graduated a pretty good academic school, but was totally fucked up socially and mentally to the point where I was no longer even capable of working with other coworkers.

But to be honest, I won't blame it entirely on "Japan" or the people around me, because there is just something in me since childhood that I just can't get along with other people, and it's probably some kind of disability or something. And being able to communicate with English, I am fully aware of how fucked up the rest of the world is as well.

At this point I am just fucking tired. I don't even know I can ctb because I am THAT sick and tired of living (if you know what I mean lol). I just hate my self, humanity, and this world in general.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case it only makes sense wishing for death. I don't see any value in existing as a conscious being in this cruel and hellish world, it's tragic how life even exists at all. Wanting suicide is all that feels rational to escape from the burden that is existence, I see suicide as the way to prevent all future suffering.

My wish to die is a result of being aware of how existence is nothing more than an unnecessary harm, simply just existing is something so harmful as there is no limit as to how much one can suffer as long as they are trapped in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything.

I don't have any interest in decaying and deteriorating from age in this undesirable existence there was never a need for. What went wrong was that existence was imposed in the first place, procreation is the ultimate source of all suffering and problems, it's undeniable that the true problem lies in existence itself.

 

[kelimackie]

if my younger self knew about this website, I would've been gone so much earlier

 

[annointed_towers]

I accidentally blasphemed and have been cursed by God. I had an amazing life before. Then I lost it all 2 years ago after screaming curses into the sky in a moment of rage.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I was 8 when i got depression, back then i didn't have internet so i just wallowed and played video games.

Considering i hung myself and tried to blow my brains with a double barrel near that age, i'd probably be gone if i found this place earlier. We sadly cannot see into the future..

It was quite easier to noose myself, i lack the brass balls to do it now though, im a chicken shit that wants pentobarbital.

 

[gggy]

I accidentally blasphemed and have been cursed by God. I had an amazing life before. Then I lost it all 2 years ago after screaming curses into the sky in a moment of rage.

same

 

[annointed_towers]

same

What do you mean? What happened? Or are you mocking me?

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Let's see, i'm 40 soo...started when I was about 10, told my mom i seemed to have lost my zest for life. She just straight up ignored me.
Next time I felt it I was just in my mid 20s. Some things didnt work out and I sorta said "Ok, God, im confused here, at the end of my rope, but if things turn out a certain way then ready or not, here I come".
spoke about it with mom again when I was in my late 20s. Parents/Siblings didnt handle it well, if at all, and made me feel like I am the ahole.
I shut up about it, then at my late 30s started to look into the hows and whens. Luckily came across the book by Geo Stone, then it led to me thinking about the exact method, the place, in short making an executable plan and just focusing on getting there.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Suicide was always kind of back in my mind so yes. However this year I really crossed the line with actively planning it. My younger self would be sad for me for sure.
I all went downhill when I seperated from my ex lover.

 

[gggy]

What do you mean? What happened? Or are you mocking me?

no no I'm not mocking you, but I too feel like I got cursed since I started considering atheism and hating god

 

[annointed_towers]

no no I'm not mocking you, but I too feel like I got cursed since I started considering atheism and hating god

Oh ok. I'm sorry to hear that

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

No never, only in recent years have i felt like "poking my head in"

I used to be on Reddit and just watch and listen on suicide pages, never participating but certainly there.

 

[mimi2161]

I would say beforehand although I had suicidal thoughts I never actually considered it an option or something that was actually achievable until I found this site. Tbh this site at first made me depressed thinking of everyone suffering and wanting to ctb but I became more open minded and began understanding just how inescapable suffering was and how tiring living is.

 

[Shrike]

Haha, no. Recent events solidified that things are not going to get better and I better find myself some methods, so here I am.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah, I guess eventually I'd find my way here…I never wanted to live past 18 anyways, so that should say something. Honestly I don't know why I'm still alive, I wish I died a long time ago. Being an adult sucks, it's not it.