But would a job or some other positive life change make you change your plan to ctb? I don't know what to think as I apply for jobs. It's not going to change how I feel about myself or life but it will keep me busy.
It honestly depends on things, but I don't think so. Like I have a number of degrees in IT, but I'm honestly not really applying anywhere because I don't want to work yet. I grown up with shit family, I dealt with a life a misery due to my autism, after dealing with massive burnout from getting my degrees I now have to deal with my drug addict sister and her kids which already cuss at age 2, I haven't been in a relationship in 10 years or so and never been in a real romantic relationship, I found my backup plan of going into the military won't work since they have a policy against people with autism, the jobs I do want I don't have access to, I fear I will be fired shortly after since I can't handle stress that well after all I been through.
With that in mind if there was a job where I could make a lot of money without actually having to work 99% of the year, then ya. I've been trying 3D printing, lasers, and other things. But nothing has made a combine livable wage. I'm now trying product development/inventing and licensing out them to companies for a royalty. But I haven't made anything from that too. My family is talking about starting a farm and having me as the manager, but it will take years for that to happen. Maybe something will take off, but as it stands. I think I will die if I have to take a normal job at all.
Like the only reason I see to work is to have a good retirement. Everything I have access to (retail, manufacturing, trash person, etc.) I will blow my brains out if I have to get into that again (I have done all those things prior). Things I have my degree in like IT, aerospace, and I even have experience coding. There is 0 jobs in my local area in that. Getting jobs outside of the area is highly risky and to be honest I don't want to do these things. No one even while getting the degrees said on-call was a normal thing and working 60-80 hour weeks is highly normal. And if it wasn't for the burnout and my sister I would've been OK with doing them until I retired (working for 30 years in it). But I've been flat out miserable throughout my life. What is all of this for? I don't have any kids, and at the rate I'm going I won't. I feel my entire life has been me sacrificing something for others. I didn't really have a childhood because my family was more than less in poverty and we were working our way out. I didn't blow out my brains in the past only because it would've made my family sad, but now pretty much all of them hate me due to my sister lying. And I can name half a dozen of other major events which hurt me, but I did anyways for others. And in return all I get is a miserable life? I mean at least right now I can watch netflix and what not once in a while, and play games. I can try out things to see if it works, and maybe something might work in my favor. But why would I want to be in a high stress job when I can't handle a lot more stress than what I'm dealing with now? Why would I want to clean toilets again for a job? Why would I want to be called worthless and picked on while working the manufacturing line again? How much more do I have to give up to have a happy life?
Maybe there is a door that I don't see is open. But I'm sure you get my point.
