Worthy of a CTB or not

[awfullife]

Hi I'm 40 with 2 kids (8 and 10) and went through an awful divorce 5 years ago. It seems like yesterday. Anyway, my career went to shit (I used to make large sums of money as medical device rep) and now I work 14 long hours a day as a trucker over the road.

Ive lived with my elderly father for 2 years now and cannot afford to live by myself, due to 1700 a month child support.

I see my kids once a month or so but it's a 2.5 hr drive each way 4x to see them. My son is autistic.

I want to CTB but may have to tough this bitch out. Problem is I will lose housing soon when my dad goes to a condo.

Situation Worthy of a busride?
I always wanted to be a super dad like I didnt have but everything got fucked up

 

[Ghost2211]

I don't think there's ever a case of worthy or not worthy of suicide. Only you have to live your life so only you can know if it is worth living. I think even though you don't see the kids very often it probably means the world to them and their development to see you. I'm sorry things have become so difficult. I have autistic children as well. If you ever need to talk you can reach out.

 

[awfullife]

I have a therapy session Saturday. I shouldn't mention anything about this, right? I dont need more problems right now.

 

[Zombiegal]

Don't want to hijack but what is CTB? I know the big picture not what the letters stand for and my brain isn't working well enough to figure it out.

 

[Ghost2211]

I have a therapy session Saturday. I shouldn't mention anything about this, right? I dont need more problems right now.

You can mention you are struggling, and dealing with feelings of depression and what not. I would not mention having a plan or anything like that. If your therapist is understanding and a good therapist they should be able to talk to you about this.

 

[Zombiegal]

I have a therapy session Saturday. I shouldn't mention anything about this, right? I dont need more problems right now.

could end up on a psych hold.

 

[Ghost2211]

Don't want to hijack but what is CTB? I know the big picture not what the letters stand for and my brain isn't working well enough to figure it out.

Catch the bus

 

[Zombiegal]

Catch the bus

Got it! thanx

 

[Superdeterminist]

Is your situation ctb-worthy? The responses to that question can only be arbitrary opinions, whether it's yes or it's no. What matters (in my arbitrary opinion) is how you, the sole liver of the life in question, ultimately feel about it. What I'm saying is, don't look to others for approval to ctb. Although, this is yet another arbitrary opinion.

 

[Surgeon]

That is very rough mate.
One of my biggest fears of having a child is for this reason.
You can tell your therapist pretty much anything just maybe avoid the suicide part they can fill the blanks.
Maybe they could help you out with medication or some resources to make life a bit easier

 

[Frauw]

You seem to be in a pretty tough spot, you can do what you wish with your own life, because nobody else has to live it except you.

 

[HelloHell]

I think there's no standard for which someone is worthy or not worthy of CTB. It's completely your choice. People shouldn't judge you because of your decision. It's your life anyway, only you get to decide

 

[flower]

I have a therapy session Saturday. I shouldn't mention anything about this, right? I dont need more problems right now.

I suppose it depends where you live but usually a therapist has to keep everything confidential unless you're a danger to yourself or others, meaning you can talk about suicidal ideation but don't tell them you have a plan.

 

[Meditation guide]

Problem is I will lose housing soon when my dad goes to a condo

If he gets a 2 bedroom one you could move with him. He is going to need you in his old age and you can tell him it's to his benefit to have you live with him. He is lucky to have his son living with him. It's an enviable position for an older person to be in.

 

[awfullife]

I live in a semi truck over the road for 5 days a week so I'm not a terrible burden on him. Hes mostly just disgusted with my failure as a dad and human being. This Q anon thing fried my brain. I'm going to need some serious help breaking away from it. Problem is, it's true. It's a cult that is not holding me captive, I dont want to leave, but I know it is killing me.

 

[k75]

Nobody can judge your reasons, because the only person who knows what you're feeling is you. What might look insignificant to one person might be truly devastating to another.

I think you need to really analyze it yourself. Is there no way you can recover? Does it lower your quality of life so much, you can't stand to live? Do you truly want to live or die? Can you get help? So many questions...

All I know is you need to be sure, whatever you do. Feeling suicidal isn't an emergency. Death will always be there as an option, but you can never come back to life.

 

[awfullife]

Truth

 

[introspectious]

please just know that the Q Anon stuff really isn't true

 

[awfullife]

You may be right but how do you know....

 

[introspectious]

I've followed this kind of stuff for well over a decade. I've seen all of it develop from a small outcast section of society to the mass mania that it is now. I saw it develop, with lots of scammers cashing in on the panic along the way. Please, please don't take it seriously. Especially if it's a major concern in your life. You have to know that is truly fake