Discussion Worth it?

[Lordsudbury]

To me this is all crazy. I've had a good, cool life. Selfish but fun. I'm here because a girl. We were FWB that went too far and she cut it off the day before my bday on apr 25. I acted out of character and hurt her. After that we fought a lot as I tried to maintain our friendship and it went out of control. We work together and have all the same friends but I'm deep into the shame and guilt of how I behaved. Of course I love her so much but now I question the content of my character.

It's been months but I can't move on. I had intense psychosis spells from not sleeping and after a failed attempt I was hospitalized and now I spend $400 a week on therapy. I've had a really good life, I'm good looking and popular and have money. But i just want my old life with her back. I'm crushed beyond repair and it's all I think about 24/7. In fact I just ordered SN and ive made moves to buy a firearm from my street people (I'm Canadian). And with now 5 heatwaves and the reopening of my restaurant doing 80 hours a week sometimes I just can't deal.

This might seem like nothing to you guys but suddenly for me it's been a huge ordeal. I can't function at all, can barely do my job. The trauma of this happening during COVID is immense and I have PTSD from accidents, war, etc. Suicide is very prevalent (dad, friends) in my life and it feels like my destiny. Why not now instead of later after more years of emotional torment? It is pure torture.

Anyways thanks.

 

[ebt88]

You can keep trying unless you feel you can no longer go on (you'll have your gun and SN). I guess it's what we all do anyway

 

[Brink]

When you say you acted out of character, what was the content of your conduct?

It sounds like you've had a rough patch to put it lightly, and as with all responses to hardships, it's relative. One person might have already caught the bus in your situation whilst another would see it as a small roadblock to overcome.

Your pain is valid here. I'm sorry for everything you've been through.

 

[TAW122]

Your reasons are valid and only you know what is best for your situation. Even from an outsider's point of view, that is a lot that you are dealing with, especially given how the FWB relationship affected many other areas of your life. I hope you are able to find the peace you are looking for down the road.