Venting Worst I've ever felt

[GoodDaysGone]

Hello everyone,

I finally managed to figure out how to get here. This past couple of weeks have been hell for me and just wanted to vent.

I have struggled with high anxiety, OCD, hypochondria and depression most of my life. I've had panic attacks since I was six including all the other mental afflictions. I have never been officially diagnosed with these things (I did take mild anti-depressants in my younger years) because I was always worried about it going on my medical record.

But I know I have them and they've ruined my life. Preventing me from becoming a proper adult, having relationships, decent careers and opportunities. I still live with my parents (I am not young) have barely any savings, no friends, and a job I don't like.

All these things I have "managed" up to a point. But a past breakdown I had about 9 years ago relating to a specific issue has come to the forefront of my mind (it was always lingering in the depths since those years ago) and it made me realise there is nothing I can do to change this problem. I literally have to cope with it. It's filled me with so much dread that I really want out of here permanently.

It's very difficult for me since one of my first panic attacks was over the thought of being dead. But I'd rather not be here than live with these horrible feelings.

 

[darksouls]

hello and welcome to sasu
I am very sorry you have to go through all this
however you decide
I wish you the best
hope you find relief from suffering

 

[eupdplishlp]

Hello everyone,

I finally managed to figure out how to get here. This past couple of weeks have been hell for me and just wanted to vent.

I have struggled with high anxiety, OCD, hypochondria and depression most of my life. I've had panic attacks since I was six including all the other mental afflictions. I have never been officially diagnosed with these things (I did take mild anti-depressants in my younger years) because I was always worried about it going on my medical record.

But I know I have them and they've ruined my life. Preventing me from becoming a proper adult, having relationships, decent careers and opportunities. I still live with my parents (I am not young) have barely any savings, no friends, and a job I don't like.

All these things I have "managed" up to a point. But a past breakdown I had about 9 years ago relating to a specific issue has come to the forefront of my mind (it was always lingering in the depths since those years ago) and it made me realise there is nothing I can do to change this problem. I literally have to cope with it. It's filled me with so much dread that I really want out of here permanently.

It's very difficult for me since one of my first panic attacks was over the thought of being dead. But I'd rather not be here than live with these horrible feelings.

Hi, Would you mind me asking what was the problem that got braught to the forfront of your mind that you feel you can't change?

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much, it's just so dreadful and terrible to me how there's all this suffering in existing with no limit as to how much one can suffer, I understand finding it torturous to exist, I wish you the best.

 

[unluckysadness]

Hi,
your life seems very similar to mine (high anxiety, panic attacks, no friends or relationship). i hope you can find some relief here. very good place and nice people here the only place in the world you can talk about suicide with no judgement. thanks people who created this website

 

[katara]

Similar with me, I never graduated high school bc it was so hard for me to be there. It was hard for me to wake up. I live with my mom, but I don't want to. It's difficult for me to do things bc I'm always tired. hypochondria is definitely a real thing I think I had that more when I was in school and seemed more normal. This is one of the reasons I hate living in America, without money it's basically impossible to get mental help if you need it. The only people who can get help are rich people.