Help worse than ever

[bear_trapped]

i left this site a while ago to try and better myself and steer away from suicide. i made it to 20 despite never thinking i'd make it to 18. i gave life another chance. my family moved, i started therapy, i kicked my self harm addiction, i dated and had fun, and i started driving. everything was going pretty well and i was so happy to be doing better. i was actually enjoying being alive and felt like i had a purpose for a while. however, three weeks ago, i lost my brother. i thought i knew what pain and suffering was before but i was so wrong. i haven't been able to function right and my mind is a fucking mess. i seriously don't know what to do with myself, i can't live like this. i can't go through holidays and family events without him. this is the worst pain i've ever felt in my life and i don't want to be here anymore. i know i'll never be myself again but my mom would have no kids left if i went through with this and i feel so selfish for even considering it but i really don't know. i've had to stay high or drunk just to make it through my days off. all i can do at night is cry and miss my brother. i just want to end everything but it feels so wrong to do it now. everything hurts so fucking bad

 

[landslide2]

i'm really sorry for your loss. i lost my father last year and didn't expect the meltdown that happened afterwards. especially since he was a pretty austere dude. i can only say that what everyone else says is true. grieving the loss, the absence of someone important takes time and we all handle it differently.

 

[bear_trapped]

i'm really sorry for your loss. i lost my father last year and didn't expect the meltdown that happened afterwards. especially since he was a pretty austere dude. i can only say that what everyone else says is true. grieving the loss, the absence of someone important takes time and we all handle it differently.

thank you, i'm sorry for your loss too. i hope you're doing okay

 

[RemainingDubious]

i'm sorry for your loss. i wish i could provide you with some comfort but it's been 18 years since my eldest brother passed away and it's never really got better. People often say time heals wounds but not many people talk about the scars that remain. Grief is love with nowhere for that love to go.

i understand existing for the sake of your mom. i've existed miserably for years for my mothers sake and feel selfish whenever i want to ctb. i'm sorry i can't provide you with solutions or anything of real value to help you. All i can really say is you're not alone.

 

[bear_trapped]

i'm sorry for your loss. i wish i could provide you with some comfort but it's been 18 years since my eldest brother passed away and it's never really got better. People often say time heals wounds but not many people talk about the scars that remain. Grief is love with nowhere for that love to go.

i understand existing for the sake of your mom. i've existed miserably for years for my mothers sake and feel selfish whenever i want to ctb. i'm sorry i can't provide you with solutions or anything of real value to help you. All i can really say is you're not alone.

i'm so sorry for your loss and that you know what this pain feels like. i want to say i'm happy that someone else is out there that knows what i'm going through but i'm definitely not, i wouldn't wish this on anyone. you're incredibly strong for still being here 18 years later. selfish or not, i know there's no possible way for me to make it that long without my brother. i hope you find peace whichever path you decide to take, i know neither one will be easy

 

[RemainingDubious]

Is it okay to message you? i'm not too comfortable sharing too much information since it'll make it rather easy for those who know me to identify me.

You're incredibly strong for still being here 18 years later.

Strength isn't as great as it's made out to be. i'd much rather be weak as it's more natural. With strength comes pride, which to me is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) issues in the world.