Venting worse and worse

[puella]

i don't even have the energy to explain anything just my life is over im living in a city i have zero knowledge of the only reason im even here is because i didn't die when i planned to on new years. once the lease is up in sept i don't think my roommate will want me here, i said i would try to do more with her but i CAN'T. i do nothing but cry in bed. i don't have any hobbies, i can't find anything fun. i don't even want to do anything fun, i just want to sleep more. ive given up on eating ive just been drinking milk and i want to puke it up half the time. my side hurts like i have a broken rib. ive been having panic attacks and mood swings daily now. i got broken up with because duh it isn't healthy for anyone to be with me. ive broken up with her in the past *before* i started feeling worse because i knew it would be better that way. but this time i just needed her way too much, and i didn't distance myslf. so she finally realized i was right. im too big of a problem. but i did need her she was the ONLY person i was close with at all. everything of mine is at her house, now ill have nowhere to go. i have no family, no close friends, no one. ive pushed everyone away. no one loves me or cares about me anymore. i HAVE to ctb. at least i have somewhere to stay right now, but i won't soon. i can't get better, i don't even want to. i have no future. none of my "goals" have any importance to me anymore. i don't have anyone who even wants me to try. i don't even want to feel happy, i just want the safety of knowing it can't get worse when im dead. it feels like it can't get worse right now but it WILL if i don't die soon. my physical health is getting worse, my mental stability is getting worse, my living conditions are going to disappear as my roommate likes me less and less. my mental health has shot down so quickly recently. i feel confused by my thoughts half the time. my emotions have zero predictability

i need to find a method since i can't get SN anymore

 

[mortuarymary]

Are you on any meds to help you?

 

[dinosavr]

Even if you're going to choose to ctb, please go to the doctor, preferably a psychiatrist to get some help. You don't deserve to feel this way!!! No matter what