Venting Worn Out

[imtiredasf]

I never know what to say when it comes to rambles about myself or my problems or anything like that, but I've had a particularly bad day and I'm out of one of my medications which is kind of important, so I slept 12 hours today, and I might sleep even more. I'm sick of dealing with everything I've dealt with without so much as a hand out, or a pat on the back, or an "I'm sorry for screwing up your life in this way or that." It's frustrating, and only adds to the weight that I feel every day.

I have a partner that I feel empty and alone with, because she cheated on me soon after we got together and I just let it go. It destroys me a little bit every time they talk to me because I know they're trying to make up for it but it just makes me feel even more worthless, useless, unwanted, unloved, and angry.

My parents are ill, and that makes me worry, because when they're gone, I inherit all of their problems and junk. They're hoarders, and just have so much stuff that I wouldn't know what to do with.

I don't really have any friends that I can confide in, or talk to. The people I was hanging out with turned coat on me and decided that hanging out with someone who stole something important to me from my childhood and sold it was way cooler than hanging out with me. It's frustrating.

I've done my best to avoid vulgar language throughout because I'm new here and don't want to seem like I'm rude, but it's just the way I talk and always have. Being obscene and abrasive is my way of keeping people the heck away from me and I've practiced and honed it well.

This is just a stream of consciousness at this point, so I should wrap it up. I have thoughts of ctb every other to every day, and I'm tired.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Oh, honey, this is so sad. I'm sorry you feel so unfulfilled. An unhappy union, sick parents, hoarding, no confidantes or friends...honestly, I'm surprised you're still here with us, cause you have a hundred and one reasons not to.

But since you're here, I really hope me, and we as a community, can help you feel more comfortable and more loved. So many people need more love, but I'll try my best to make them feel loved, and that includes you, darling! *hugs*

 

[Sleeper System]

Being betrayed is not a great feeling.
Every moment after with that person feels like a lie.
It's an ache that eats away at you and doesn't seem to stop.
The only 2 solutions I've ever heard work is leaving the person.
The other is rebuilding that trust. What is the person willing to sacrifice for your forgiveness kind of thing.
Sadly, you already said you forgave them but clearly didn't mean it. So it's a bit harder.

I feel you about the parents thing. It's going to be rough but just rememeber... many many people deal with death on a daily bases.
They find a way to deal with it and so will you. And you don't have to deal with their hoarding. I'd call the salvation army or some donation place to come check
out if they can salvage anything and these rest a junk removal company could take care of.

You don't need friends to confide in. Not really. You can befriend people online and bond with them. Works much the same way.
Especially if you're not the type to want to really deal with people physically. but in the end we're social creatures so idk.

Ho, curse your ass off. Profanity is ignorant sure but we're only human and we deserve to act up sometimes.
Especially when we're carrying such a heavy weight on our shoulders.

 

[imtiredasf]

Being betrayed is not a great feeling.
Every moment after with that person feels like a lie.
It's an ache that eats away at you and doesn't seem to stop.
The only 2 solutions I've ever heard work is leaving the person.
The other is rebuilding that trust. What is the person willing to sacrifice for your forgiveness kind of thing.
Sadly, you already said you forgave them but clearly didn't mean it. So it's a bit harder.

I feel you about the parents thing. It's going to be rough but just rememeber... many many people deal with death on a daily bases.
They find a way to deal with it and so will you. And you don't have to deal with their hoarding. I'd call the salvation army or some donation place to come check
out if they can salvage anything and these rest a junk removal company could take care of.

You don't need friends to confide in. Not really. You can befriend people online and bond with them. Works much the same way.
Especially if you're not the type to want to really deal with people physically. but in the end we're social creatures so idk.

Ho, curse your ass off. Profanity is ignorant sure but we're only human and we deserve to act up sometimes.
Especially when we're carrying such a heavy weight on our shoulders.

Yeah, I've always been way better at conducting myself online. Everything feels easier when I'm typing it out, like my thoughts are more genuine or unfiltered or something. It's nice to form bonds with people online because they're usually like me in some way or another. Going out and meeting people never worked for me because they're all relatively unblemished and content and it makes me sad and jealous that they get to vibe and I get fucking ideation.