Venting Work really affected me yesterday, feel selfish

[BitterlyAlive]

I spent some time with someone who had tried to kill themselves and was very close to succeeding before being rescued. There were visible marks from the attempt. The poor person was feeling horrible and I was trying to listen to and support them, but I was a bit distracted because I felt jealous that they were so close to dying.

I also had someone come in who had cut themselves. God. I was having strong urges to cut for hours. It reminds me of when I heard another patient go into detail about

Spoiler: Trigger: self harm description

how they would cut themselves and talk about how "damn good" it feels.

That was like a year ago but I still get urges to hurt myself when I think about it.

I sound like an ass. I try to not let my personal feelings affect my work, my coworkers say that I do a very good job and that I'm "so compassionate and caring". Please understand that I'm not saying this to brag, but to show that I'm good at hiding how I really feel. I work hard to not let my jealousy show, and I try my best to set my feelings aside so I can support my patients during their crisis. Because their feelings and pain are more important than mine, and they deserve to have someone who will listen to them in their time of need.

Even though I still find it very difficult to work, I'm grateful to have such a meaningful job. But it can be so triggering, and I feel so self-centered because of that.

 

[dieornottodie]

there is no shame in being self centered
individuality is not a sin, we should embrace our self fully
on another note, u reminded me of someone who works around self destructive people, a care giver, their struggle was different than yours but i both feel ya
i once was envious of a girl who i used to know who attempted cutting her wrists, she felt so good too

 

[BitterlyAlive]

there is no shame in being self centered
individuality is not a sin, we should embrace our self fully
on another note, u reminded me of someone who works around self destructive people, a care giver, their struggle was different than yours but i both feel ya
i once was envious of a girl who i used to know who attempted cutting her wrists, she felt so good too

I feel like a fraud doing this job tbh. Yeah I guess I get a kind of envy. Because I don't usually go for that general area - I don't want to get people's attention. But I've seriously cut there a few times and damn, it felt different. I can see why people tend to cut their wrists.