![hopscotch](/data/avatars/l/63/63022.jpg?1683359325)
hopscotch
i am so good at not being very good its crazy
- May 6, 2023
- 11
i dont come here very often because i feel as if my motivation and reasons to kill myself are not particularly strong. ive been passively wanting to kill myself for... 6+ years? so i don't think i'm going to do it. this is very frustrating but i've basically accepted it by this point. i find all of you who can commit on here so brave; i'm like a jellyfish or something. no commitment, no spine. i just keep going. i don't know why. i dont find any happiness or reasons to keep holding on; i guess i'm just too lazy or too cowardly or too scared of action or something. ive always been like that, never taking definitive action. but i'm not angry or particularly sad or anything; i'm probably depressed, but there's no target. it's sort of just there. the only person to blame is myself. it's all very grey -- wondering if anyone else is here with the same experience of drifting. its a very boring, emotionless life.
honestly i was sort of hoping joining this forum would finally push me one side or the other because sitting on the fence for so long is hurting my metaphorical ass. but its been over a year and here we are
honestly i was sort of hoping joining this forum would finally push me one side or the other because sitting on the fence for so long is hurting my metaphorical ass. but its been over a year and here we are
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